kyta6666 Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 Hi please please help me. My ex (34) and I (45) were together for almost 10 years, he moved in with me and my 2 kids from my previous marriage 9 years ago. His 2 kids moved in with us 3 years ago. Life at home was hard as my ex did not get along with my eldest who has mental health problems and living with 4 teenagers is difficult. We broke up at the beginning of Sept after a bad patch, he moved out with his kids and during the following 4 weeks we talked and cried lots. He seemed determined not to get back together, he told my family member he cared and loved me but not in love with me. We had amazing times together, went away for many weekends with other couples and on our own at spa hotels etc, had lovely memories. When we split he told me he always felt bottom of my list. He is a very needy person and I found that difficult at times. At the beginning of Oct we went on holiday (booked before the split). On the 2nd day we had sex, on the third he told me he was seeing someone else, well talking to her etc. He insisted he wasn’t looking for anyone else and they had not slept together at that point. I went through his phone the following night to discover they had been seeing each other for 6 weeks and not 3 as he told me. I confronted him and he was devastated and said he was afraid of hurting me, but he has feelings for her and she is giving him the attention he craves. After lots of crying from both of us I said lets get through the holiday and go from there. The other couples we were with thought we were on honeymoon, we were very close and did lots of firsts and he said his head was all over the place. We came home and he picked her. She is completely different to me, and don’t seem to be his type at all. My stepdaughter told me he constantly using her ipad to check my facebook and her phone for any messages from me, and if I take her out he questions what we talked about etc. He is constantly asking my family members to stay talking to him and says he is missing them all of the time. He seems to be telling anyone who will listen that he is happy but that just seems desperate to me. Is this new relationship a rebound? I am doing nc on day 5. It’s a little difficult to be totally nc as I am like a mother to his 2 children. Also I had a major problem with my boiler this week and had to contact him, I was really upset over the fact I had to contact him, he was lovely on the phone. He texted me the next day to say sorry that I was so upset, I asked why he felt sorry when he had moved on, he said cos if he hadn’t moved on I would not be in this situation, I responded with ‘very true’. I am heartbroken, thanks so much for reading. Thanks in advance for any help.
evanescentworld Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 One. tell him to not use your step-daughter as a go-between, and tell her to keep out of it and not let him use her ipad. Two, change your facebook profile. I mean, change it completely. Set up a new email account, and open a new fb account. I did that some time ago, no problem. Three, don't ring him for any reason at all. Boiler, carpet, oven, washing machine, vacuum cleaner - deal with them differently. Not by calling him. You merely encourage his dependency and neediness. Four, tell your family members to keep on talking to him if they want to, by all means, but as they are your family members, please could they do 2 things for you: If they love you and respect your feelings, then please do not either pass on ANY information about you, to him, whatsoever, and ask them to not talk to you about him, or tell you when he has been in touch with them, ever. Five: You are doing fine. You're obviously very strong - actually, stronger than him, by the sound of it. he's a cake-eater, by the way. Wants the best of both worlds, by the sound of it. Don't let him get any more slices of you, ok? 2
Author kyta6666 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Posted November 4, 2014 Thank you very much for your reply. I will do as you suggest, and I am feeling stronger due to nc. Unfortunately for me I really do want him back, I wish I didn't and I hope I get to the point when I don't want him anymore. I have lost lots of weight and I am getting lots of attention so I will build on this. Thank you again
evanescentworld Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I know. Emotions can be tough. I realise your heart is in it, but this is where you have to permit logic to over-ride heart. Face it - he is behaving in a fickle, manipulative and honestly, quite childish way. This new woman in his life is inheriting some mad problems - while in actual fact, his departure has lifted them off your shoulders. I KNOW it hurts - but whatever she may be like, he's damaged goods. And he cheated and lied. Feel sorry, and compassion for her. She has yet to see what's in store for her. You? You at least have the benefit of hindsight.... 1
Author kyta6666 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Posted November 4, 2014 Yes he has behaved badly! I just need to get myself better and then I will be able to say good riddance hopefully. I know it just takes time.
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