MidwestUSA Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 "I thought he was going to leave me" How desperate are you? I thought he did leave, or you broke up with him? A new thread doesn't change a thing. 2
Zahara Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 "I'm just wondering if this is normal behavior?" Post after post from your previous threads noting that this man's behavior is unacceptable and a dealbreaker -- and again, she asks the same question. 2
smackie9 Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 let him leave......he's being a jackass.....red flag! 1
d0nnivain Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 What did you expect us to say -- iphone snooping is bad but it would have been OK if it was an android phone? Really, your new BF is over the top controlling & unstable but you can't see beyond the fact the prestige of his profession. 4
evanescentworld Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I've been dating a guy for awhile -- we are very serious. I have been struggling with my ex husband who is harassing me via text message etc. My bf called his attorney for me -- had me talk to him about it -- and the guy told me to save all of my text messages. So my BF who is very tech savvy... offered to help me get an app that download all of my texts onto the computer and then I can have a record. well when he did that...he started going through the texts. and found something that he thought was suspicious. So, I explained to him that there was nothing going on with my ex -- and he seemed to let it go. Well, then a few nights after that - he went into my computer and started searching other text messages and found one from a guy who I said "thinking of you" to... he's just a friend -- but he blew up. He went through all of it and took it very personally. I apologized and told him that I shouldn't have allowed the texting to continue but I did nothing inappropriate -- I never said anything sexual etc. He and I got into a massive argument and I thought he was going to leave me. I'm just wondering if this is normal behavior? Or was this him crossing boundaries that shouldn't have been crossed? Perhaps you need an appointment with an audiologist. You seem to suffer from selective deafness. This is borne out by repeating the same question (in various forms) over and over again, receiving the same answers, over and over again, yet your consistent failure in "hearing "what's being said to you. Let me answer this, another way: Your BF isn't the problem. YOU are the problem. You need to tackle that.... because this is getting ridiculous, dearest.... 2
mammasita Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 OMFG - You already know from your other thread that this man is INSANELY JEALOUS AND CONTROLLING. How many times does he have to control you and go through your life with a fine tooth comb before you wake the eff up? 1
MissBee Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I have been dating a wonderful man for 4 months. We live 3 hours from each other. But we spend long weekends together and he often does a turn around trip every Wednesday to see me. He's very good to me. But my ex (very recent divirce) is terribly jealous. The weekends my ex spends blowing up my phone. My BF thinks it's craxy. He gets very angry. Even had me call his divorce attorney to see if there's anything that could be done. But there's nothinh at this point. Well my bf is very jealous. He hates when men look at me. He's constantly asking who is texting me. He wants to know where I am basically every minute of the day. I have given him all that info and more. Well last night he asked for my cell phone to transfer my ex's texts into the computer. He's very tech savvy. I gave him the phone. And he saw a text from my ex that said hoe much he missed me and how he's suicidal. And it said something like when things were better "recently" I enjoyed our time together. He meant like right before the divorce. But my BF freaked out. And wanted to go through all of the texts. I said sure go ahead. He said no no. I can't. I won't. I need to stop. Well at that point I left my apartment with him to go to work. I instantly went and remotely locked my computer. Because I wanted to see if he was going to bust into my computer. I did not erase anything. Just reset the passcode Sure enough. He did. I got notice that he tried to get into it. He went nuts. Said He just thought I had a virus because a weird screen was up and he was trying to figure it out. He packed up and said he was leaving. That I had something to hide. So I said. Nope no I don't. Come back and look through my texts. I did not erase. So he did. He was so angry. Said that he was still suspicious as to why I locked my computer. That he wants me to Marry him and that this was too much ... We ended up making up once he went through my texts. But he says he's still suspicious of me. What do you think? I think your ex jealous husband and current jealous boyfriend are carbon copies of each other. I don't think until you work through your own issues you'll be able to choose balanced, sane men. It seems you ALWAYS go out with guys who are absolute lunatics in one form or another. Every man you've dated you've brought to LS it seems to dissect the neon red flags. This is a problem when EVERY relationship you have includes so much drama all the time. The problem is you. You have to STOP looking for new men and probably see a therapist to help you figure out yourself before you can even begin to attract a decent, non-jealous, non-loony man and keep things things together. Until you do that, you'll constantly end up with jealous, crazy, inappropriate, abusive men. 1
ascendotum Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 (edited) edit................... Edited November 4, 2014 by ascendotum
NJ123 Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 Just admit the only reason you put up with this guys **** is because he has a lot of money. Yet your not worrying about your kid being damaged by this whole mess. Extremely selfish. But I've been on here only 2 months & almost heard it all in that little time frame on here so nothing surprises me anymore.
snowflakes88 Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 Unbelievable. If I were your ex, I'd have custody of my son so quickly your head would be spinning. 1
haribo666 Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 The day a man asks me to look in my phone is the last day of our relationship. I dont have a problem to show my gf mobile,email,etc... cos I have pure conscience 1
Ruby Slippers Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 Assuming any of this is true and legitimate... You were seeing this new guy before you got divorced? So you leapt from the frying pan into the fire. Consider taking off 1-2+ years from dating and relationships to grieve the loss of your marriage, heal from your divorce, and make sure your child is doing well with the transition. It's the least you can do for yourself and your child. And look into why you keep choosing these controlling men with psychological issues. Learn the signs so you can avoid them in the future. 2
veggirl Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Unbelievable. If I were your ex, I'd have custody of my son so quickly your head would be spinning. I was just thinking, she should give her exhusb custody, at least the poor kid would have a chance op you are screwing up your son and don't even care. he needs a GOOD MALE ROLE MODEL. do you think this f*cked up as*hole doctor bitch-man is good for your son to be around? god. end of the day, you are being a horrible mother! kick this psycho to the curb, BE SINGLE, and get your damn head together. 1
Diezel Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 I am so glad the threads got merged. She really doesn't deserve the time you people are investing in responding to her. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 I dont have a problem to show my gf mobile,email,etc... cos I have pure conscience I have a pure conscious too but my husband better not snoop through my phone. I don't snoop through his. There are boundaries in good healthy relationships. 2
smackie9 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 This is understandable why the OP continues to not listen, because she refuses to aknowledge she keeps choosing these jealous abusive men. Can't see past her nose.
Author Mommame2 Posted November 11, 2014 Author Posted November 11, 2014 Yes - I am the idiot because I continued to blame myself. I felt that if I didn't have anything to hide -- this wouldn't have happened. He saw the text from my ex and that set him off - but, he kept saying he needs to know the whole history of my ex and all there is to know...because he wants to marry me and knows it will be HIS problem to deal with ...down the road. Should he have gone through my phone behind my back? No. He just does that stuff left and right because he feels that something isn't right...so he says. The other problem is that he wanted me to move to his home. He wanted me to do this before Christmas and bring my son. That would require my ex to relocate 3 hours away to be near our son. And I'm sure it would have been a custody fight. Here's the core issue. I love this man. I love him SO much. I have never felt love like this -- yes, he's crossed my boundaries and been extremely jealous - but somehow the love I feel from him is so strong -- it has overwhelmed me. I wish it was easy to get over him. I find myself wanting to text him or call him. I am having the hardest time.....
smackie9 Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 Yes - I am the idiot because I continued to blame myself. I felt that if I didn't have anything to hide -- this wouldn't have happened. He saw the text from my ex and that set him off - but, he kept saying he needs to know the whole history of my ex and all there is to know...because he wants to marry me and knows it will be HIS problem to deal with ...down the road. Should he have gone through my phone behind my back? No. He just does that stuff left and right because he feels that something isn't right...so he says. The other problem is that he wanted me to move to his home. He wanted me to do this before Christmas and bring my son. That would require my ex to relocate 3 hours away to be near our son. And I'm sure it would have been a custody fight. Here's the core issue. I love this man. I love him SO much. I have never felt love like this -- yes, he's crossed my boundaries and been extremely jealous - but somehow the love I feel from him is so strong -- it has overwhelmed me. I wish it was easy to get over him. I find myself wanting to text him or call him. I am having the hardest time..... Aww I'm so sorry. Ya nothing worse than having too many emotions to deal with. IMO if he really cared about you, knowing your position with your child and your exe, he would relocate for YOU. But I have a feeling he wanted you further away from your ex. Jealous possessive people tend to lie, bend things in order to take your guard down. Your heart will heal in time, just keep hope that you will find a man with a loving, generous, understanding heart.
evanescentworld Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 Here's the core issue. I love this man. I love him SO much. I have never felt love like this -- Sadly I would say this is one of two things: Either it's a dependency, a desperate need on your own behalf, to be loved, treasured and looked after, and is not really true love - Or it's heavier on your side than his - and his affection is so laden with conditions, it's possibly a hefty dose of both.... yes, he's crossed my boundaries and been extremely jealous - but somehow the love I feel from him is so strong -- it has overwhelmed me. No, it hasn't. It has consumed you, but you're still there. You still have a head on your shoulders and a heart in your breast - Get a grip. Nobody should 'consume' you to this extent, whereupon you abdicate your own responsibility to fulfil yourself, and to render yourself complete, to the vagarities and fluctuating attentions of another person. I wish it was easy to get over him. I find myself wanting to text him or call him. I am having the hardest time..... Ah, good! This means you're in No Contact - which means you've broken up with him...yes....?? EXCELLENT NEWS!! Well done you, and resounding congratulations for having finally shown some common sense and done the right thing! Now seek counselling for your variable emotions, and address your tendencies to cultivate relationships with entirely the wrong men.....
Donnie Darko Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Your last BF sounds insecure...but why were you still communicating with an EX? Let alone an EX that was harassing you.
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