Is iphone snooping ever okay? [Updated]

[MidwestUSA]

Something's not adding up. As of August 19th, you were awaiting your divorce date (I congratulated you in that thread).

 

How have you been hooked up with this wonderful doctor for four months?

 

You need to take a couple of years and just learn to be yourself, on your own, with your son. It's way too early to consider dating, and you picked one hell of a psycho to start your journey with.

 

What on earth are you thinking?

[Diezel]

He wants me to move with my 8 year old to his city. He wants me to relocate asap and wants to marry me. He is very wealthy and could take care of us very well.

 

This was all I needed to read.

 

There you go ladies and gentlemen. To the lengths some people are willing to go to push their boundaries. He's controlling and wants to reign her in... hey, it's okay, he has money.

 

No further advice needed, she's willing to drag herself through the mud in order to have some extra cash.

[Diezel]

 

I also realize that he's distanced me substantially from my son. My BF is very very serious with me...wants to marry me. And he really enjoys spending time with my son. But, my son wants time alone with me...and I have done a poor job of mandating that. I work so much...and my weekends are always with my BF (even when son is around)....

 

 

As a child of divorce.. let me tell you right now. I went through something similar. And for YEARS all I did was create resentment because I could never get "alone" time with one of my parents. Resentment towards BOTH people even though it clearly was fault of one person more than the other.

 

I didn't want to reply any further because your materialism came out QUICK. But this is a son we are talking about. We are talking about a young man in DEVELOPMENT whose possible role model is going to be this controlling jerkwad that you'd sell yourself out to.

 

And you want to take him away from the things he does because of a guy who is wealthy?

 

Shame on you. If your son wants to spend ALONE TIME, you LISTEN TO YOUR SON.

[GemmaUK]

He sounds like my last ex.

My ex was not tech savvy so could not GPS track me but he would have if he could.

He wanted me to move in with him asap to a remote country place (I don't drive) and he wanted to buy me a puppy to look after me while he was away working all week. He wanted an Alsation - a breed which I am fearful of after being attacked by one twice (he knew about this).

 

I had no ex nor man in any way texting me or anything but my guy was suspicious of anything.

I don't have any children but my guy got jealous if I wanted to watch TV, read a book, went to a shop or cut my toenails. He hated when I did anything without telling him.

 

Get away from this guy.

Things will only get worse.

If you lose your job this guy will only take the opportunity to make you dependent on him.

 

This is no life for your child to be seeing.

[Mommame2]

I seriously understood exactly what was being said here tonight..

 

 

My son was supposed to be with us this weekend (with my BF) and we were going to go to a late Halloween party tonight (after son falls asleep) (we hired sitter) and then leave to go out of town in the morning. But, it turns out my son's soccer game got moved to 8am. So, I told BF that I would go to party tonight and get up and take son to soccer and then come back...so he could sleep in. He flipped out. Got angry. Said that my son should not go to soccer because I wouldn't be able to sleep....and then I said...it's not a problem! It's my son's favorite thing - I'm handling it! And I am a big girl. I'll catch up on sleep Sunday. He said "no...we should not be going to this party...because HE (BF) needs 8 hours of sleep if he's going to do that ..and even if I take him to the soccer game....he (BF) won't be able to sleep." So, I said fine - let's cancel the party. And he's said -- "what?" I said well, it's up to you...but if you want to cancel the party and the sitter...fine! Then, he said ..well ...fine. and he got angry that we spent all ttime planning the party and are now canceling it all...

 

 

I said..well, that's what you want. And he said ...no..it's what YOU want...because You feel the need to take him to this soccer game. I said yes. It's important to him. I am going to take him to the soccer game.... and I will be FINE tomorrow. Just sleep in! You do NOT need to wake up. I can handle this.

 

 

Bottom line - he was angry that I was going to take my son to the soccer game that my ex was coaching and he felt my ex was blowing my weekend....

 

 

So -- as it turns out - what happened? We are going to the party (after son is asleep with sitter watching) and I am going to take son to the game.....

 

 

But, I know that by the end of the weekend -- we will probably be broken up.

[Diezel]

You decided to still go anyway.

 

Because he is wealthy and can take care of you. You wouldn't break this relationship up. And you know it.

[Ronni_W]

But, I know that by the end of the weekend -- we will probably be broken up.

Hugs, Mommame.

In your other thread, you did express that you already know that this with the current/soon-to-be-ex b/f is "craziness".

 

I'm so sorry that this one didn't work out, but I am SO glad for you that you will not allow yourself to be broken and overtaken by another. Freedom means everything.

 

Stay strong. Please know that in every way that I possibly can be with you, supporting you and a friend to you, I AM. (Feel free to PM me, if or when.)

 

My very, very, very best to you and your son.

[preraph]

You need to start throwing these guys out at the first sign of being overly jealous. You do need to set some limits with your ex, though. Ask him to limit communications to just about the boy.

[clia]

So, let me get this straight.

 

According to your August thread, you've only been divorced for two months. And you are already having your new boyfriend spend the night with you when you have your son?

 

In your other current thread, you said your son has only been around your boyfriend twice. So is this the third time your son has been around this guy, and he's spending the night with mom?

 

Your son is eight -- he's not stupid. And he is obviously in huge distress about the divorce (according to your other current thread.)

 

What are you thinking? Are you thinking?

 

I don't even have kids, but it seems way too soon for your son to be introduced to or around a new man, period, much less a man who has the issues that your current boyfriend has.

 

Your son needs to come first right now. Above your boyfriend, above your ex, above everything.

[Diezel]

Guys, it's okay... the new guy is wealthy. That makes everything okay in the OP's eyes.

[Ronni_W]

Guys, it's okay... the new guy is wealthy. That makes everything okay in the OP's eyes.

Diezel,

I'm not getting that, at all. I think Mommame is genuinely in need of our unbiased perspectives...or she would not be bothering and wasting HER TIME posting about it.

Not that she "should" accept for herself and her own reality what any of us are offering, but that the guy's real or perceived wealth isn't part of Mommame's current dilemma within herself, one way OR the other.

[Diezel]

He is very wealthy and could take care of us very well.

 

 

Seriously?

 

Do you think if the guy worked at Subway, this thread would have gotten this far?

 

Let's get real here.

[Mommame2]

Well tonight takes the cake.

 

I left him in my apartment while I went to work tonight and he went through my computer and all my text messages again. He found texts That I had traded with a woman (the name was not identified) that had pics of her husband with her son and he accused me of cheating on him because it said "miss you". "We need to do lunch"

[Ronni_W]

Mommame,

He is only proving what you already know. You don't have to be or act surprised by it every time.

He needs to know what you are doing every second of every minute of every day; where you are, with whom you are interacting, the details of the interaction. That's the ONLY way he can or will eventually have 100% control over you, and your life, and his life. That's just how people with these mindsets work.

 

If he truly had your son's best interests at heart, then he would have bent over backwards to make it work for your son's early-morning soccer game...like you are ready, willing and prepared to do.

 

Trying to co-parent with your ex, with this guy around, will become more and more of a nightmare than it is already. THIS guy is the reason that going back to your ex even feels like an option worth entertaining in your brain for even a second.

 

You really don't need to wait until the end of the weekend, and you really don't need to wait for him to end it with you. You are fully empowered, and have the control and authority to do that right now. For you and your future and your son.

 

Hugs.

[NJ123]

You decided to still go anyway.

 

Because he is wealthy and can take care of you. You wouldn't break this relationship up. And you know it.

 

I honestly got this vibe a bit too. She flat out mentioned he's wealthy, so she's taking all this abuse from him. But if he was some guy making 30gs a year, she likely would have been long gone.

[Mommame2]

Well he went through all of my text messages. And he found one where a man was flirting with me. He's just a married guy friend. I didn't respond back flirtatiously.... I just said "wow". He said that I have ruined all trust and that he can never trust me again. Mainly because I vontinued to talk to him about his family etc.

 

He said he's grateful he went through my phone and computer because he found what a liar I am. And that he believes I am hiding much more because I won't hand him my old phones.

 

Is what I did SO awful?

[Diezel]

And yet... you stay with him. You can only blame YOURSELF.

 

As the great philosophers, Wu-Tang Clan once said: Dolla dolla bills y'all.

[Mommame2]

Well he broke up with me and said I ruined his life. And that i was the love of his life and I have changed him forever. He blames ME and says I am the cheater. I never even called another guy...

[Diezel]

Please keep us updated when you two get back together in the next week.

[snowflakes88]

You, you, you, you, you. Everything is all about you and how to keep this crazy man satisfied. Your lack of concern and poor decision making where your child is concerned in all this is very selfish and sad.

[Mommame2]

I've been dating a guy for awhile -- we are very serious. I have been struggling with my ex husband who is harassing me via text message etc.

 

 

My bf called his attorney for me -- had me talk to him about it -- and the guy told me to save all of my text messages. So my BF who is very tech savvy...

offered to help me get an app that download all of my texts onto the computer and then I can have a record.

 

 

well when he did that...he started going through the texts. and found something that he thought was suspicious. So, I explained to him that there was nothing going on with my ex -- and he seemed to let it go.

 

 

Well, then a few nights after that - he went into my computer and started searching other text messages and found one from a guy who I said "thinking of you" to... he's just a friend -- but he blew up. He went through all of it and took it very personally.

 

 

I apologized and told him that I shouldn't have allowed the texting to continue but I did nothing inappropriate -- I never said anything sexual etc.

 

 

He and I got into a massive argument and I thought he was going to leave me.

 

 

I'm just wondering if this is normal behavior? Or was this him crossing boundaries that shouldn't have been crossed?

[smackie9]

He invaded your privacy, and that is wrong. Dump him, the damage is done.

[CarrieT]

OP, you know from the other thread where people responded extensively how his intrusiveness was wrong and inappropriate.

 

Why another thread on the same issue with the same guy?

[Keenly]

Is this a recurring incident

[smackie9]

Hah, this guy has a history.

 

Anyways, this kind of personality I would never want to date...paranoid, insecure, untrusting, entitled to break privacy, lacks the ability to communicate. Out the f' in door.