meringue Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I am new posting here though I lurk often. I want to get some other opinions on my situation. I've been dating a man for 6 months now. We keep in touch daily but have been taking things slow. He is in his 50's. I am 40. He has been married twice and he has had at least 5 serious relationships since his divorces that I am aware of. I've been married once (for 14 years) and had one serious relationship after marriage that lasted 2 years but in the end it didn't work out. Prior to my marriage I had a few LTR but nothing that I ever saw as leading to marriage and each one ended amicably as did my marriage. Here's my concern. I know that his last two serious relationships went like this... One lasted 4 years. She approached him to move forward (live together and possible marriage) and he wasn't sure if they should proceed to the next step yet because he needed to be 100% sure it was for the right reasons (after 4 years??) so he took a step back at which point she went and met someone else and moved on. He tried to get her back to no avail. It was a big blow to his ego and took him some time to get over. He had another one after that but details aren't known. Then he met his next girlfriend. Same thing happened. He could not commit and could not even express to her that he loved her. She said, f this and left. He pursued, told her he loved her and she accepted. Then a couple months later she ended up leaving him for someone else and pretty much destroyed him. A year later he meets me. He was not 100% over that last one when we met. I'm not so sure he is now even though he says he is but based on a few things I've witnessed with his behavior I'm not convinced. I care about him but I am not in love with him (yet) though I can definitely see myself falling for him if I continue seeing him. His history is concerning though don't you think? I worry that the same thing will happen to me. I'll fall, tell him so, he will want to think it over then I will end up getting hurt. Do you think I am being paranoid? I mean it's only been 6 months but I am trying to guard my heart and wondering if I should get out now or just try to enjoy myself and the journey and not focus on the end scenario. It does make me wonder though if he isn't cut out to be in any kind of LTR. I guess my question is...would his past relationships concern you? A big red flag so to speak? It's rare that I even know so much detail about someone's past relationships but we started out as friends and talked about everything prior to dating. I'm not sure if that's a blessing or a curse! Thoughts?
Redhead14 Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I am new posting here though I lurk often. I want to get some other opinions on my situation. I've been dating a man for 6 months now. We keep in touch daily but have been taking things slow. He is in his 50's. I am 40. He has been married twice and he has had at least 5 serious relationships since his divorces that I am aware of. I've been married once (for 14 years) and had one serious relationship after marriage that lasted 2 years but in the end it didn't work out. Prior to my marriage I had a few LTR but nothing that I ever saw as leading to marriage and each one ended amicably as did my marriage. Here's my concern. I know that his last two serious relationships went like this... One lasted 4 years. She approached him to move forward (live together and possible marriage) and he wasn't sure if they should proceed to the next step yet because he needed to be 100% sure it was for the right reasons (after 4 years??) so he took a step back at which point she went and met someone else and moved on. He tried to get her back to no avail. It was a big blow to his ego and took him some time to get over even though it really was his fault. He had another one after that but details aren't known. Then he met his next girlfriend. Same thing happened. He could not commit and could not even express to her that he loved her. She said, f this and left. He pursued, told her he loved her and she accepted. Then a couple months later she ended up leaving him for someone else and pretty much destroyed him. A year later he meets me. He was not 100% over that last one when we met. I'm not so sure he is now even though he says he is but based on a few things I've witnessed with his behavior I'm not convinced. I care about him but I am not in love with him (yet) though I can definitely see myself falling for him if I continue seeing him. His history is concerning though don't you think? I worry that the same thing will happen to me. I'll fall, tell him so, he will want to think it over then I will end up getting hurt. Do you think I am being paranoid? I mean it's only been 6 months but I am trying to guard my heart and wondering if I should get out now or just try to enjoy myself and the journey and not focus on the end scenario. It does make me wonder though if he isn't cut out to be in any kind of LTR. I guess my question is...would his past relationships concern you? A big red flag so to speak? It's rare that I even know so much detail about someone's past relationships but we started out as friends and talked about everything prior to dating. I'm not sure if that's a blessing or a curse! Thoughts? I dated a man for a few months. At that point, we were having a conversation about past relationships. He came out and said "I DATED a woman for 10 years" and she dropped me. I'll never understand why." That rang a bell so loud, I couldn't even continue the conversation. I told him, flat out, I've enjoyed my time with you very much. I am looking for a long-term committed relationship and won't wait 10 years.
evanescentworld Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I may be weird, but I don't understand this 'waiting to fall in love' with someone. I guess I'm a believer in love at first sight, and have never waited in a relationship for deeper feelings to develop. If the smash-hit butterflies aren't there in the beginning, it's not working for me.... And I've been round the block a few times, so I'm not some young yet-to-be-smitten ingenue.... I'll be honest, in your shoes, I'd be packing my bags, not solely because of him, but also for the distinct present lack in my own feelings.... Do you definitely envisage marriage? To answer your specific question, I'm not sure, but I'd just enjoy life for enjoying life's sake and not worry too much about the longevity of the relationship, because the real hard cold fact is that everything, regardless of what it is, will come to an end, terminate, finish, and be over with, at some point.
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