Angelview Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I've recently broken up with my boyfriend of 2 years, best friends for 4 years all together. Although we had issues in our relationship there was no real major problems. We broke up a few months ago because he his family were against him being with someone of a different religion. This was completely out the blue because he told me his parents would be happy with his choice. However in this case it's his grandparents. They wanted him to date other girls to find someone suitable for marriage, I couldn't be in a relationship with this person and decided to end it. Although he assured me that he wasn't interested in anyone else and demanded we stayed together I refused. We went two weeks with no contact, this was possibly the hardest thing I've ever done. Eventually I got into contact with him on his birthday, which turned into regular contact and now I'm stuck in this situation. The problem is we still aren't together and I've told him various times I'm happy to fight for our love however he seems to think it's impossible. He claims he loves me and wants me to be his first and only physical relationship which is bizarre to me because marriage is still off the cards. We have tried since the break up to stop speaking however something always pulls us back into they same situation as we were in before. This makes it all the harder to leave him and for him to leave me. I'm sadden deeply everyday knowing were no longer together which is the complete opposite to the euphoria I felt when we were. Now I know the answer is to walk away for ever but sometimes I feel that because he is no yet independent in terms of career from his family and they serve him with everything how can you fight for a relationship you cannot support. Am I wrong to believe he will change his mind eventually or is this relationship completely doomed? He has admitted to me that he misses me and feels addicted to me that he will travel just to drive past my house to feel close to me, we have meet up a few times but the physical attraction is too strong for a plutonic meeting. I'm so confused with the constant mixed signals being thrown at me, do men eventually turn around and do the right thing for the women they love or adhere to the requests of their family?
PegNosePete Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I'm so confused with the constant mixed signals being thrown at me You dumped him because his grandparents wanted him to date someone else. Now you want to "fight for your love". And you think HE is sending mixed signals?? It's pointless to fight for your relationship, if he is not also fighting for it. Is he? 1
todreaminblue Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 (edited) i have done the one sided fight thing for a relationship did it for years....drained me completely.....i moved away from family and friends i had to move somewhere where i knew no oneand start again and it has alwasy been that way ...i woudl uproot myself and my kids to keep my family together...packed up a whole house(have done it quite a few times enough to loathe moving) found a house for us did it all from interstate i was actually sick at the time..from fork to fridge i organised it...........i would do that again....but this time for the right guy.....who would be willing to sacrifice and fight as hard as i would.... my mother always told me when you find a partner that is your life where you move where you go you have to think of your family.....family is always there for support(...actually not at the moment mums not talking to me) but that piece of advice my mum gave is solid....when you find a partner you join to them..they become part of your family too..what you both do mutually becomes more important..... that you are together in thought deed and action is definitely more important than what your parents think....you should always respect your parents as he should respect his parents...but as adults we have agency to make our own choices....respecting parents doesnt automatically mean you agree with what they say ....respect and honor comes from accepting and appreciating their advice and making your own decisions that are good and just...that is respect. in saying that .....this changing your mind thing isnt you fighting for a relationship it is you indecisive on which way to go..... and i think you need to consider what broke you up in the first place as having a negative affect on you and him in the future......if he isnt fighting for a relationship with you why should you fight to keep it????...if he believes what his parents or grandparents want is just and right and culturally the way he wants to live his life...you have no chance of changing something that is ingrained.... ...deb Edited November 4, 2014 by todreaminblue
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