beautifulinside2 Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 This is a poor excuse for allowing yourself to be put in an awkward position with a man you barely know. Quite frankly, I think its ridiculous that a woman can't spend the night with a man without expectations of sex. What happened to sleeping in separate rooms or date nights at home? What if we don't have money all the time to go to restaurants and we want to stay in and watch a movie, have a few drinks and fall asleep? Its nonsense in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 Quite frankly, I think its ridiculous that a woman can't spend the night with a man without expectations of sex. What happened to sleeping in separate rooms or date nights at home? What if we don't have money all the time to go to restaurants and we want to stay in and watch a movie, have a few drinks and fall asleep? Its nonsense in my opinion. It's not about spending the night without expectations of sex. It's about a woman putting herself in a bad position with a man she hardly knows. Now, she's in a man's apartment, can't get home, whatever. What if he forces himself on her? This is a stranger! Not someone she's been out with numerous times, shown/demonstrated respect for her and she can trust him. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 Please don't ask him out. Trust me, if he was interested in you he would not be put off by "mixed signals" especially given the fact that you already tried to set up a date and he said he was "busy". He is not feeling rejected, or "afraid" or any of the nonsense. Just not that into you. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
venusishername Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 Please don't ask him out. Trust me, if he was interested in you he would not be put off by "mixed signals" especially given the fact that you already tried to set up a date and he said he was "busy". He is not feeling rejected, or "afraid" or any of the nonsense. Just not that into you. Eternal Sunshine has a really solid point. I just don't think it would hurt to put it out there. You're not going to look desperate or crazy for reaching out to someone with whom you felt a connection. We're all human and if someone's just not that into us, it doesn't mean we are/appear weak if we are interested in them. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 Please don't ask him out. Trust me, if he was interested in you he would not be put off by "mixed signals" especially given the fact that you already tried to set up a date and he said he was "busy". He is not feeling rejected, or "afraid" or any of the nonsense. Just not that into you. Her asking him out is the lesser of 2 evils which is why some of us are OK with it. The OP actually wanted to call him up & ask him why he disappeared so they could discuss the relationship. While nobody thinks he's actually going to go out with her, at least this way she took some action from a position of relative strength & perhaps will get some closure to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 Her asking him out is the lesser of 2 evils which is why some of us are OK with it. The OP actually wanted to call him up & ask him why he disappeared so they could discuss the relationship. While nobody thinks he's actually going to go out with her, at least this way she took some action from a position of relative strength & perhaps will get some closure to move on. Tough love here would have been for us to just say "hey, yeah, go ahead and call him". Learn the hard way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 Never chase a guy. That always ends badly. My guess is that he will flake on any plans he agrees to with the OP, if she can catch him on the phone (these types of guys are slippery and hard to pin down when they're MO is just sex, or they're no longer interested). OP, it's been 2 weeks since you last spoke to each other. He's not interested despite the 3 dates you went on. Seems that way to me. If you want to call him anyway, do so, but be prepared for him not to commit to seeing you again. And I agree that sleeping over at his house was a bad idea. Anything could have happened since you two are complete strangers. You are lucky he didn't force himself on you or do worse. Never, never stay overnight at a guy's house when you barely know each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Natalia_summer Posted November 4, 2014 Author Share Posted November 4, 2014 I actually can't bring myself to do it... As much as I like him and want to see him again, and I am REALLY torn knowing this is probably my only chance of ever seeing him again/letting him know I'm interested.. All I keep thinking is that I am a mad woman, chasing after a guy who could have had me, yet he chose to walk away, whether its because he wanted easy sex or because my actions pushed him away and made him think I wasn't interested. If it were the latter then he'd be sat here twiddling his thumbs wondering what he can do to get my attention or ask me out, just like I am right now! Except he's not... And I don't want someone who doesn't want me. I know I'm a prize and I literally have 20 guys messaging me per day, admittedly no one I am interested in... But why should I chase after someone who clearly has no interest? His loss, really! He has no idea what he's missing out on... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
venusishername Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 I actually can't bring myself to do it... As much as I like him and want to see him again, and I am REALLY torn knowing this is probably my only chance of ever seeing him again/letting him know I'm interested.. All I keep thinking is that I am a mad woman, chasing after a guy who could have had me, yet he chose to walk away, whether its because he wanted easy sex or because my actions pushed him away and made him think I wasn't interested. If it were the latter then he'd be sat here twiddling his thumbs wondering what he can do to get my attention or ask me out, just like I am right now! Except he's not... And I don't want someone who doesn't want me. I know I'm a prize and I literally have 20 guys messaging me per day, admittedly no one I am interested in... But why should I chase after someone who clearly has no interest? His loss, really! He has no idea what he's missing out on... If that's how you feel, then own it! I know each of us here feel differently and would do different things. Like I said, I would personally make a final 'Hail Mary' effort then drop it for good. I'm with you on the fact that other men are out there but none that I'm interested in. I guess it helps knowing you have other options but doesn't take away the sting of someone you really like not making the effort to see you again, right? :/ Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 I actually can't bring myself to do it... As much as I like him and want to see him again, and I am REALLY torn knowing this is probably my only chance of ever seeing him again/letting him know I'm interested.. All I keep thinking is that I am a mad woman, chasing after a guy who could have had me, yet he chose to walk away, whether its because he wanted easy sex or because my actions pushed him away and made him think I wasn't interested. If it were the latter then he'd be sat here twiddling his thumbs wondering what he can do to get my attention or ask me out, just like I am right now! Except he's not... And I don't want someone who doesn't want me. I know I'm a prize and I literally have 20 guys messaging me per day, admittedly no one I am interested in... But why should I chase after someone who clearly has no interest? His loss, really! He has no idea what he's missing out on... I would call him and ask if he wants to do [something specific] And play it like no time has passed.. BUT.. Don't have sex with him. If he agrees, take it one date at a time. WHY.. Because you want to put all your cards on the table and leave no doubts (for yourself) You WILL NOT look desparate. I'm not sure where posters are getting that from. YOu haven't contacted him in weeks PLUS he never rejected you. Let him know you're interested! You have nothing to lose. Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 "Hey, [his name], how are you doing? I've been busy with [blah blah]. Was wondering if you'd like to [?] this weekend" Doesn't sound desperate. The worst he will say is "I'm busy". So? Link to post Share on other sites
venusishername Posted November 4, 2014 Share Posted November 4, 2014 I agree with the above. There's nothing to lose by letting him know you're still interested. But then what? If he agrees or in other words if it isn't met with rejection, it means nothing until something actually happens. That's actually worse than a straightforward and clear rejection. This happened to me and it sucks. But it doesn't sound like she's going to contact him anyway, just offering my $0.02 ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Natalia_summer Posted November 5, 2014 Author Share Posted November 5, 2014 So I did it:confused: I was determined I wasn't but then I thought, f** it, I will always be wondering what if. So what what he thinks of me, I won't see him again So he responded straight away, said that he's been super busy (I thought yea bulls***) because he's working 2 jobs at the moment and only has random days off, and on his random days off he's working on a project... So it could be the truth Anyway, he said his only day off this week is tonight but he had plans, but he said if they fall through he will let me know to see me. So I just said ok well just let me know when is good for you So either he's super busy and our schedules just don't work, or he is too polite to ignore me, but not polite enough to be honest Only time will tell, the ball is in his court now to take me up on my offer. But I'm just thinking, even if hes been super busy and couldn't make plans to meet, he could still have kept in contact. So no, I don't think he's interested... but it confuses me why he would respond at all. Link to post Share on other sites
stillcold Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 It takes me more than 3 dates to have sex with a guy... I don't have sex with a guy unless I know its going somewhere, I don't want to sleep with a guy for him just to disappear on me! All we had done was kiss, but very passionately... and I could feel the chemistry. I don't need to have sex with someone to know whether I have chemistry or not with them That's a great policy, keep it as there's nothing wrong with it. If this guy truly liked you he would have respected you and not made any advances when you plainly told him so. Forget the guy OP, he wasn't in it for long-haul. You dodged a bullet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 He responded because he's not impolite & he was intrigued by the fact that you were coming to him. Perhaps he thought you had revisited the sex issue but your invite made it clear that sex still wasn't on the table so he remained "busy." Unless he picks up the phone & invites you to something within the next day or two chalk this up as a lost cause. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Natalia_summer Posted November 5, 2014 Author Share Posted November 5, 2014 He responded because he's not impolite & he was intrigued by the fact that you were coming to him. Perhaps he thought you had revisited the sex issue but your invite made it clear that sex still wasn't on the table so he remained "busy." Unless he picks up the phone & invites you to something within the next day or two chalk this up as a lost cause. I asked him to meet in my initial message, its not like i just said hello and so he said hello back out of intrigue. I sent a message asking how he was and asked if he was free this week to meet, and he responded seconds later going into great detail about his job and this project he is working on. Then he said hes working every night this week apart from tonight but he already had plans for tonight with friends. Then he asked how id been and i told him what i had been up to.. Then he said that if his plans with his friends fall through then he would let me know so we could meet, so i said ok let me know. But he didnt, which means he did see his friends after all. Which is fine because i made plans to get dinner with friends. Now, i get if he was dying to see me he would drop his plans and just see me. But then if he wasnt interested why reply at all -and be all nice and say oh i will let u know? If i dont hear from him in the next few days then i will take it that he doesnt care, but its weird Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 Well he is polite - but he's isn't making you his priority. So expect that he won't reach out to you that way you won't be disappointed. And IF he does it's a plus. Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 Well he is polite - but he's isn't making you his priority. So expect that he won't reach out to you that way you won't be disappointed. And IF he does it's a plus. She's not a priority because he didn't drop plans he ALREADY had? That's insane. She made a move, he replied and went into depth about his project. Only time will tell if he's interested. I'd give him 2 weekends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Natalia_summer Posted November 5, 2014 Author Share Posted November 5, 2014 She's not a priority because he didn't drop plans he ALREADY had? That's insane. She made a move, he replied and went into depth about his project. Only time will tell if he's interested. I'd give him 2 weekends. He did say he hoped he will finish his project soon to have more free time. However he didn't say, lets do next week instead You're right i will give it 2 more weekends, cos this one is obviously a write off But I'm thinking our schedules just don't mesh Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 Yeah, I don't think he's keen necessarily. If he thought he could get laid out of the deal he may be more amenable. Men have a way of making time for that even when they don't have time for a proper date (go figure). Anyway, just see where it goes, but don't be surprised if you don't hear from him again. I dated a guy for a while who would always say, "oh yeah, that sounds like a great idea" when I'd suggest getting together, but never followed up. WHY? Who knows. Anyway, as disappointing as it all is, try not to get too down about it. Link to post Share on other sites
WhatIsLove2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 I think he is being polite. Am I the only person who noticed that he was able to make plans with his friends yet he wasn't able to contact her? I don't mean he didn't drop his plans ..I mean it takes a some free time to talk to friends and set up a meeting yet he wasn't able to say "hi, hey how r u?" to her But who knows... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 I think he is being polite. Am I the only person who noticed that he was able to make plans with his friends yet he wasn't able to contact her? I don't mean he didn't drop his plans ..I mean it takes a some free time to talk to friends and set up a meeting yet he wasn't able to say "hi, hey how r u?" to her But who knows... Yeah, I noticed that too. I mean, he disappeared for two weeks, so it's obvious he's not very interested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 But isn't it a bit random if I ask him out, when we haven't spoken in 2 weeks, and haven't seen eachother in 3 weeks. And he kind of left me hanging in our last conversation? Try this. Don't ask him. Tell him. I'm taking you out whenever you are free so let me know when you're available. If he doesn't respond well at least you tried. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Natalia_summer Posted November 6, 2014 Author Share Posted November 6, 2014 Should i ask him how his evening was ? Or do i just leave it now? I do feel like i am chasing now, and no guy likes a girl who chases Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 Just leave it; the ball is in his court. You have re-expressed your interest and if he wants to see you, he will contact you. Link to post Share on other sites
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