How i got my exes back

[jackinthebox1]

I don't want anyone to get too excited here. I want to tell you how i actually got my exes back but just so you know, none of them worked out long term.

I've been on these forums for a few yrs in and out of break ups and i remember last time i was here it was more helping people to communicate with ex partners.

It seems to be strict NC now with no hope of reconciliation. A lot of you are going to try and get them back anyway, so maybe you can learn some lessons from my history.

 

So here are some examples of me and other people who got their exes back.

 

1) My best fried - Dumped twice, ended up happily married.

She was coming out of a divorce. He was head over heels and pushed too hard which scared her off. 3 months later he was dumped. He was distraught but did not contact her. 3 months later he saw her at a party. He talked normally about her life, what she was upto, could feel a connection. He asked if he could call her, she said no....

That night she called him and they started dating again. 3 months later she dumped him! Another 3 months go by until they ended up in contact and he tried again. This time, after 9 months she had sorted her head out following the divorce and they lived happily ever after.

Now, i couldnt do what he did but his explination was that he wanted to take a chance. He loved her and it was worth risking heartache asking her out AGAIN.

Is that going to work for you? I dont know. He was a good guy who cared for her and never F'd up in the relationship, she just wasnt ready. But he didnt push her and rode it out

 

My first ex

 

I broke up with her. She took it real bad, i was her first love. 6 months later after finally having NC i decided i desperately wanted her back. (6 months of alone time ladies. All those nights stiking out, thats all u need to give a man)

I arranged to meet. She told me no, she had moved on. I kept meeting, she kept telling me no. In the end i met up with her again, i took her to a riverside and played her a song i had written, and she started crying and got back with me.

Please do NOT do this. i have no clue how this worked but at the time i knew nothing about NC or anything and had no rules. But i wanted to put myself out there and i risked looking like an idiot. I had done this before when i was 16 and i did end up looking like an idiot so there is no guarantee that this will work. We ended breaking up again as we fell into the same traps as before. I hadnt changed.

Ironically, 8 years later she is now trying to get me back. Or she is at least wanting to meet up for sex. U just never know what the future will bring.

 

My second ex

 

More of a formula here. Instead of ignoring her contact, she reached out and i contacted her. She text me 2 weeks after dumping me saying she missed me. I waited 7 days to text back, said i had been busy, hope she was well. She would text back a few days later, i left it a few days and it this went on. This eventually sparked off a conversation. We ended up meeting for coffee. I was attractive, chatty, non needy, playful. We had sex that day and got back together. It had been around 3 months since breaking up.

She eventually dumped me again and ironically tried to get me back around 18 months later. At that point i still had feelings but didn't want to risk being hurt again.

 

My point is, we are all cynical ****'s on here because we have just been dumped so are going to tell you 100% that this person isn't worth it. Plus a lot of people sound real crazy and putting these thoughts in your head probably isnt helping, but i know this is what you wall want to hear, and will at least help you through NC.

Try and look at the situation properly. Was it abusive? Did you continually mess up? Or was it not the right time? The main pattern seems to be NC or limited contact for at least 3 months. If you think you should go for it and you can handle being hurt again, go for it. My friend did and he got married. But that will NOT work if you don't give it some space and end things well. Also avoid letters, texts, or gushing your feelings out at the first date.

When i met up with ex number 3 i was playful, chatty, and jus saw what would happen.

[riokid180]

I don't want anyone to get too excited here. I want to tell you how i actually got my exes back but just so you know, none of them worked out long term.

I've been on these forums for a few yrs in and out of break ups and i remember last time i was here it was more helping people to communicate with ex partners.

It seems to be strict NC now with no hope of reconciliation. A lot of you are going to try and get them back anyway, so maybe you can learn some lessons from my history.

 

So here are some examples of me and other people who got their exes back.

 

1) My best fried - Dumped twice, ended up happily married.

She was coming out of a divorce. He was head over heels and pushed too hard which scared her off. 3 months later he was dumped. He was distraught but did not contact her. 3 months later he saw her at a party. He talked normally about her life, what she was upto, could feel a connection. He asked if he could call her, she said no....

That night she called him and they started dating again. 3 months later she dumped him! Another 3 months go by until they ended up in contact and he tried again. This time, after 9 months she had sorted her head out following the divorce and they lived happily ever after.

Now, i couldnt do what he did but his explination was that he wanted to take a chance. He loved her and it was worth risking heartache asking her out AGAIN.

Is that going to work for you? I dont know. He was a good guy who cared for her and never F'd up in the relationship, she just wasnt ready. But he didnt push her and rode it out

 

My first ex

 

I broke up with her. She took it real bad, i was her first love. 6 months later after finally having NC i decided i desperately wanted her back. (6 months of alone time ladies. All those nights stiking out, thats all u need to give a man)

I arranged to meet. She told me no, she had moved on. I kept meeting, she kept telling me no. In the end i met up with her again, i took her to a riverside and played her a song i had written, and she started crying and got back with me.

Please do NOT do this. i have no clue how this worked but at the time i knew nothing about NC or anything and had no rules. But i wanted to put myself out there and i risked looking like an idiot. I had done this before when i was 16 and i did end up looking like an idiot so there is no guarantee that this will work. We ended breaking up again as we fell into the same traps as before. I hadnt changed.

Ironically, 8 years later she is now trying to get me back. Or she is at least wanting to meet up for sex. U just never know what the future will bring.

 

My second ex

 

More of a formula here. Instead of ignoring her contact, she reached out and i contacted her. She text me 2 weeks after dumping me saying she missed me. I waited 7 days to text back, said i had been busy, hope she was well. She would text back a few days later, i left it a few days and it this went on. This eventually sparked off a conversation. We ended up meeting for coffee. I was attractive, chatty, non needy, playful. We had sex that day and got back together. It had been around 3 months since breaking up.

She eventually dumped me again and ironically tried to get me back around 18 months later. At that point i still had feelings but didn't want to risk being hurt again.

 

My point is, we are all cynical ****'s on here because we have just been dumped so are going to tell you 100% that this person isn't worth it. Plus a lot of people sound real crazy and putting these thoughts in your head probably isnt helping, but i know this is what you wall want to hear, and will at least help you through NC.

Try and look at the situation properly. Was it abusive? Did you continually mess up? Or was it not the right time? The main pattern seems to be NC or limited contact for at least 3 months. If you think you should go for it and you can handle being hurt again, go for it. My friend did and he got married. But that will NOT work if you don't give it some space and end things well. Also avoid letters, texts, or gushing your feelings out at the first date.

When i met up with ex number 3 i was playful, chatty, and jus saw what would happen.

 

Nice man. Very helpful. What if our relationship was only six months. How long NC should I go?

[organizedchaos]

Nice man. Very helpful. What if our relationship was only six months. How long NC should I go?

 

Forever. There is no time limit. Until you wouldn't give two sh*ts seeing her in the arms of another man.

 

Then you can contact her bc you're prepared for any outcome. But by that point, you won't care to.

[jackinthebox1]

There is nothing wrong with nc, it allows you to heal, but don't let it completely shut down the chance of reconciliation.

If she does reach out you then you can decide that you want to meet up and see if anything has Changed. I did and it work.

I agree with protecting yourself but honestly if she contacts n you have had some space and u want to gamble then do it.

The forums answer now seems to be NC for everything apart from geatures of undying love. That is pride. Sometimes people do need time and u can go back stronger.

The important thing is to work on yourself and get your confidence back.

I don't resent any exes and I always end things well, and they have mostly always come back into my life at some point.

Try not to get caught up in hate is my point. Look at what u have done wrong and correct that in yourself before u have any contact

[Seeker12]

There is nothing wrong with nc, it allows you to heal, but don't let it completely shut down the chance of reconciliation.

If she does reach out you then you can decide that you want to meet up and see if anything has Changed. I did and it work.

I agree with protecting yourself but honestly if she contacts n you have had some space and u want to gamble then do it.

The forums answer now seems to be NC for everything apart from geatures of undying love. That is pride. Sometimes people do need time and u can go back stronger.

The important thing is to work on yourself and get your confidence back.

I don't resent any exes and I always end things well, and they have mostly always come back into my life at some point.

Try not to get caught up in hate is my point. Look at what u have done wrong and correct that in yourself before u have any contact

 

JITB my ex got in contact today, do you think i should reply? You should read my thread to get some background info, will appreciate your advice.

[riokid180]

There is nothing wrong with nc, it allows you to heal, but don't let it completely shut down the chance of reconciliation.

If she does reach out you then you can decide that you want to meet up and see if anything has Changed. I did and it work.

I agree with protecting yourself but honestly if she contacts n you have had some space and u want to gamble then do it.

The forums answer now seems to be NC for everything apart from geatures of undying love. That is pride. Sometimes people do need time and u can go back stronger.

The important thing is to work on yourself and get your confidence back.

I don't resent any exes and I always end things well, and they have mostly always come back into my life at some point.

Try not to get caught up in hate is my point. Look at what u have done wrong and correct that in yourself before u have any contact

 

Cool man. So for a six month relationship, how long should I be NC?

[tikay00]

JITB my ex got in contact today, do you think i should reply? You should read my thread to get some background info, will appreciate your advice.

 

Like OP said, I'd probably wait a few days. And on and on.

[jackinthebox1]

I was jus reading it actually man and i have some thoughts.

I have had the opportunity to have all my exes back at some point, some took years, some took months and the more i come on here the more i think people are too hung up on the NC thing.

If they reach out to you, you don't have to ignore it to let her know that you are getting over it. My ex text me on the weekend and im still mulling it over and i dont have the strength to text back at this point, too painful.

But here is what i would do.

Give it 7 days. Text her this

"Hey! Sorry i've not got back sooner, work has been crazy. Sorry about blah blah blah, hope you're all good! x"

Thats it. Honestly i think that will throw her off more than u ignoring it and her knowing u are still hurting.

That text sounds like u are getting over it and moving on and that will trigger wether she wants another go or not. You keep the contact like that. You kinda do get over it anyway but you keep the line of conversation open and take the lead in it.

[tikay00]

I was jus reading it actually man and i have some thoughts.

I have had the opportunity to have all my exes back at some point, some took years, some took months and the more i come on here the more i think people are too hung up on the NC thing.

If they reach out to you, you don't have to ignore it to let her know that you are getting over it. My ex text me on the weekend and im still mulling it over and i dont have the strength to text back at this point, too painful.

But here is what i would do.

Give it 7 days. Text her this

"Hey! Sorry i've not got back sooner, work has been crazy. Sorry about blah blah blah, hope you're all good! x"

Thats it. Honestly i think that will throw her off more than u ignoring it and her knowing u are still hurting.

That text sounds like u are getting over it and moving on and that will trigger wether she wants another go or not. You keep the contact like that. You kinda do get over it anyway but you keep the line of conversation open and take the lead in it.

 

Problem is, that's obviously some BS. Who texts someone back 7 days later even if they're busy?

 

That just screams of "I'm not ready yet, but now I am ready to talk to you."

 

I'm not attacking you, but I just think that reeks of mind games, and then she has to do the whole wait a few days thing for her ego as well. Why not just text or call a few hours later, and say you were at work, or just got back home from a buddies/gym?

[Strength in Healing]

I understand people in this particular forum want to get their exes back to ease their pain, and often times, ego.

 

However, in my honest opinion, once a relationship has ended, it can never be truly re-established. It can thrive for a while (and even that is rare), but ultimately, something is lost that can't be reacquired. It becomes a matter of time.

[tikay00]

I understand people in this particular forum want to get their exes back to ease their pain, and often times, ego.

 

However, in my honest opinion, once a relationship has ended, it can never be truly re-established. It can thrive for a while (and even that is rare), but ultimately, something is lost that can't be reacquired. It becomes a matter of time.

 

Pretty much this. I personally think you need this attitude anyways even if you want your ex back. I don't believe in that LC to show them you've changed, and keeping the door open.

[jackinthebox1]

Problem is, that's obviously some BS. Who texts someone back 7 days later even if they're busy?

 

That just screams of "I'm not ready yet, but now I am ready to talk to you."

 

I'm not attacking you, but I just think that reeks of mind games, and then she has to do the whole wait a few days thing for her ego as well. Why not just text or call a few hours later, and say you were at work, or just got back home from a buddies/gym?

 

Think about it. With my ex, it took me around 7 days to decide wether to contact them back. And you are busy now and they aren't priority.

Its nothing about ego, its about being in control of the interaction, not them checking in for an instant response and disappearing.

[tikay00]

Think about it. With my ex, it took me around 7 days to decide wether to contact them back. And you are busy now and they aren't priority.

Its nothing about ego, its about being in control of the interaction, not them checking in for an instant response and disappearing.

 

Yeah, but you messed up by saying, "sorry, I was busy with work blah blah". No one is THAT busy.

 

How would you interact with ANYONE that texts you, but you're busy? You text them back when you aren't busy. Like a few hours, or a day. 7 days doesn't make it seem like you're in control, and she's not a priority. It looks like you're seriously trying not to bring up emotions at the time, and you needed a few days to think about it.

 

Personally, I think your ex knew she wanted to get back with you, even without your tactics. If I texted my ex 7 days later, and said, " sorry, was busy", she'd just roll her eyes, and say, "mmmm hmmmm....."

 

My man, I just think she knew she wanted you back regardless of your strategy, save being needy, clingy or desparate.

 

I personally feel like there is no startegy, because if your ex wants you back, they want you back. Obviously you have to have some semblance of being stable, and can't be an emotional wreck.

 

Edit: I get where you're coming from. You weren't emotionally ready yet, so you needed that time, and instead of saying, "I needed time", you said you were "busy."

 

I assumed you were ready at that point, but was playing games with her.

Edited November 4, 2014 by tikay00

[jackinthebox1]

You are just looking at this from your point of view, what you think.

And then most likely u are on this forum trying to interperet every detail you get sent in a text message from them.

 

There is nothing wrong with them doing that for a change.

I am telling you how i reconciled with my ex. Take that advice or don't honestly.

[tikay00]

You are just looking at this from your point of view, what you think.

And then most likely u are on this forum trying to interperet every detail you get sent in a text message from them.

 

There is nothing wrong with them doing that for a change.

I am telling you how i reconciled with my ex. Take that advice or don't honestly.

 

I'm looking at it from a human beings point of view. Yes, you reconciled with your ex, but I don't think because YOU used those tactics, it was the reason why you got them back.

 

That's why I'm putting a disclaimer on your posts, just in case someone actually waits a whole week to contact their ex back.

 

And read my edit. I get why you waited so long now. I assumed you were emotionally ready, but was playing games with them.

[jackinthebox1]

Here is the thing.

Did she already want me back? Maybe, but I don't think she knew or knew if she could handle it all right now.

If I text her back straight away and keep taking it opens up the friendship, will probably end in a fight and just make her retreat.

Baby steps are what is needed. Unless u are better without the whole situation in which case go compete NC.

But don't think that will leave them begging to get you back because it won't.

[tikay00]

Here is the thing.

Did she already want me back? Maybe, but I don't think she knew or knew if she could handle it all right now.

If I text her back straight away and keep taking it opens up the friendship, will probably end in a fight and just make her retreat.

Baby steps are what is needed. Unless u are better without the whole situation in which case go compete NC.

But don't think that will leave them begging to get you back because it won't.

 

There's baby steps, then theres waiting a whole week to contact them. Of course you don't contact right away, but I'm just saying, 7 days is just playing games, IMO.

 

You're saying it makes her feel like she's not top priority, but it also gives off a vibe of I'm still hung up on you, and can't talk right now.

 

Of course, you had to wait that long, because you weren't ready within that time. I think you should have said that in the OP, instead of making it seem like a strategy.

 

I can just imagine some guy waiting 7 days to reply to their ex, she doesn't text in a few days, and he's blowing up her phone asking her what's wrong.

 

This is a case of an isolated way of getting back your ex.

[jackinthebox1]

It gives them 7 days looking at their phone and wondering what is happening.

It doesnt matter what the subtext is. They will most likely know but its not like you owe them complete straightforward honesty.

You reply straight back and u open the door to them just leaving again.

I dont know why you dont grasp this. Im in NC at the mo btw and i've had a text, but i dont want to reply.

This is a standard pattern if you are trying for reconciliation. Im not saying that will eventually work out but this way gives you a much higher chance.

If you werent game playing at all then you would just text them back every time with "lets get back together i love you"

You have to play the game

[tikay00]

It gives them 7 days looking at their phone and wondering what is happening.

It doesnt matter what the subtext is. They will most likely know but its not like you owe them complete straightforward honesty.

You reply straight back and u open the door to them just leaving again.

I dont know why you dont grasp this. Im in NC at the mo btw and i've had a text, but i dont want to reply.

This is a standard pattern if you are trying for reconciliation. Im not saying that will eventually work out but this way gives you a much higher chance.

If you werent game playing at all then you would just text them back every time with "lets get back together i love you"

You have to play the game

 

Exactly, what am I not grasping? My point is, 7 days is absurd. When did I once say you contact them straight away?

 

It can have them staring at their phone, and it can also let them know that you're still hurting, and not in a state to talk to them.

 

You're speaking as if 7 days is the gospel. It worked in YOUR situation. It doesn't mean those are the exact steps to take. You even said it has them looking at their phone. In essence its a game, and either they know it, or they think you're still healing.

 

Hence, why she contacted you days later. Like I said, you messed up by saying "I'm busy". No one is that busy. That's why I said you should be more subtle, and not so dramatic. A few hours later, or even a day later wouldn't be so grandeous. 7 days? I wouldn't advise anyone to do that. It worked for you, because she probably already knew why she was reaching out to you.

 

Yeah, you got her back, but you also could've messed things up. My point is, there's gonna be people reading this, and telling themselves 7 days is the magic formula. Its not. It worked for you, but it might not for them.

[riokid180]

jackinthebox, how do i play the game?

 

six month relationship, she ended it two weeks ago. Been completely NC other than her sending me an email explaining why she dumped me (because I live life too safely and she wants to be adventurous) and a text saying that she heard I was still going to some party we were supposed to go to together so "have fun"

[jackinthebox1]

That was what was right for me. 7 days to process the text in my brain and decide wether i wanted to get in contact or not was about enough.

You aren't going to put them off and it seems like that is what you are worrying about. Also from seeing your posts i don't see you have been sticking to NC properly.

You are looking at it from their perspective and if they are upset. They dont think, its been 7 days iv lost interest now. It works the complete opposite

[IfiKnewThen]

jack...i like that youre optimistic and tried to help here. im so very sick of doom and gloom

[tikay00]

jack...i like that youre optimistic and tried to help here. im so very sick of doom and gloom

 

Doom and gloom? How? Not once did I say contacting or replying to your ex is a bad idea.

 

I never even said you shouldn't try.

[bb1205]

JITB

 

Can you go into some detail about your 1st girlfriend?

 

How long did you date for? What were the reasons for the breakup? Did she try to get you back/fight for you after you ended it? How long until you/she went no contact? What thoughts were going through your mind as a dumper? All of that stuff would be awesome to put your story into context

[SoThatHappened]

Sure, you can play that game. Yes, it sometimes works because of the general psychology of human beings.

 

Sometimes it works because some people want what they can't have and like wondering.

 

But, I think this quote from your first post is important:

 

I want to tell you how i actually got my exes back but just so you know, none of them worked out long term.

 

Not saying your method is wrong or is the reason they never worked out long-term. Hell, I really don't know what I was trying to get at but I'm bored.