Camaro Guy Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 (edited) I've been feeling lonely lately. It always gets me around this time of year, as we start to descend into the swirl of holidays and celebrations. It has been worse in past years. In college, I would be really melancholy. Others would have significant others to lessen the blow of the cold weather and shorter days. Facebook would only make it worse. I would willingly indulge wanting to peel my eyes from the computer screen yet resistant, showing more proof that I wasn't like everyone else. "These things happen to everyone else, they will happen to you." That's what she told me to reassure me. It will happen when the time is right." Yet I ask: am I getting better at not feeling as bad or am I just numb to it (or both)? Seeing the happy couples on the outside but never seeing the fights and saying "Gee, it would be really nice to be with someone I care about". Yet as time ticks by, I find myself in the same state as I did when I was born: virginal, innocent, untouched, "pure". I sometimes wonder "what makes me so deserving to get affection from a great girl?" I sometimes wonder "what do I need to get attention from girls?" I will admit, there are even times when I look ahead and I see nothing but darkness. There are those who wish to trade places with me but they do not know what burdens I carry or the demons that haunt me. Even as I sit here typing this, I wonder what would happen. What would it be like if I just threw it all away and jumped out of the window next to me. No. I can't do it. I have too many people depending on me spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally, financially. I am too accountable. Roman philosopher Marcus Aurelius often referred to his mind as his untouchable "inner citadel" in his book Meditations, probably one of the most important books ever written. Your body can be destroyed but they cannot touch your mind. You are still alive in your mind as long as you decide you want to be. I must keep going. I need to keep progressing every day, getting better every day. I may never have a significant other but I cannot let that stop me. I must keep going until the last ember from my "inner citadel" is snuffed out. It is hard and has been a long, hard road. However, I must endure. Have any of you felt similiar to this? Edited November 4, 2014 by Camaro Guy
Toodaloo Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 Do you have a Camaro? Looks like you may have a date! lol I love Christmas/ New Year etc... I have to say though it also sucks like a Dyson. Has done for a while now. Perhaps one day I will find someone who enjoys it as much as I do... Perhaps this year instead of phoning my family at 4am in the hope they have forgotten to unplug their phones I will just go round and let myself in and jump on their beds... Christmas/ Thanksgiving etc are all made out to be this wonderful amazing thing where everyone absolutely must be happy, truth is the washing up still needs to be done, dog still needs walking, Uncle Bob still farts in his sleep after eating sprouts... Its just a day. The people in it make it, so make sure you surround yourself with people who love you.
Author Camaro Guy Posted November 5, 2014 Author Posted November 5, 2014 Looks like you may have a date! lol I love Christmas/ New Year etc... I have to say though it also sucks like a Dyson. Has done for a while now. Perhaps one day I will find someone who enjoys it as much as I do... Perhaps this year instead of phoning my family at 4am in the hope they have forgotten to unplug their phones I will just go round and let myself in and jump on their beds... Christmas/ Thanksgiving etc are all made out to be this wonderful amazing thing where everyone absolutely must be happy, truth is the washing up still needs to be done, dog still needs walking, Uncle Bob still farts in his sleep after eating sprouts... Its just a day. The people in it make it, so make sure you surround yourself with people who love you. I do. I go home at those times so I don't feel lonely.
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