Admeister Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 Hey, so yeah. I got dumped 32 days ago. I'm just 23 y/o but I had been with this girl for almost 6 years. We lived together and I was pretty sure this was THE girl for me. (Stupid, only 23 y/o i guess.) At the end she said she felt we were getting too used to each other and decided that we needed to talk about it. So we did. After a lot of going back and forth we came to the conclusion that I'd better sleep away from home that night, since it's her apartment. Just to cool down. She also mentioned that she had been hanging with a friend, a guy a lot recently and maybe, maybe started getting feeling for him. It ended up with her driving me to my parents and me begging her to not leave and we can fix stuff being all pathetic. (She wasn't certain of breaking up by the way.) She decided to go to this guy and talk "as a friend". They had sex the same night. The next morning she came by begging me to take her back, said that she made a mistake. I told her i needed time to work things out. Somehow it ended up with her going steady with the guy for a month now. I'm breaking apart, in my eyes she was everything. It's like... i just don't know. I can't sleep at night because when I lie down to sleep I don't have anything that can distact me from my own thoughts. I've barely left the house for a month. Nothing feels worthwhile. During this time I'm studying at a university and that crashed as well. Can't study or do any thinking at all. I'm meeting her the day after tomorrow to pick up the last of my stuff. I don't know how to cope with this. The worst part is the fact that she has already moved on and told this new guy that she loves him and stuff like that. I'm dying inside and i don't really have anyone to talk to. I really love her and i don't want her to disappear from my life, but at the same time I can't have her in it when i die inside thinking about her and another guy. This is the only "real" relationship I've been in. So here I am at 2:13 in the night and I don't know how to cope and I just need some advice...
ScienceGal Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 You're not going to like my response, but it is very important for you to maintain no contact soon as you get the rest of your belongings back. Yes it sucks, and I know you're young, but it is something you're going to have to go through. The back-and-forth, the begging, it won't work. The relationship ran it's course and you both have to move on. I'm not saying you will never reconcile, but I am saying that it does not seem to be the likely outcome anytime soon. Also, she seems like a wreck. she dumped you, she slept with another guy, she begged for you back… Nothing good will come from trying to be with her now. I guarantee that. PS, you're begging was not pathetic, it was you showing how you feel… Perhaps not in the best way, but the best way you could do in the moment. And based upon what you wrote, you're coming from a much more authentic place than she is.
OwMyEyeball Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 No Contact and accept that over the next few weeks you'll feel like someone punched you in the chest. Best you can do is just focus on the pain you can actually feel - usually in the chest cavity (hence the "broken heart") - while giving it no mind other than awareness. It is what it is. Pain. Same way you would regard a deep cut or a broken bone. And like mangled flesh your heart will heal and the pain will lessen. Breaking NC and feeding dark thoughts into your mind will be like salt on the wound and tearing scabs. You can make the pain last much, much longer if you don't have the discipline or the distraction to keep your mind on more pressing matters.
jackinthebox1 Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 The relationship with this new guy wont last and she will still have feelings for you. Once that relationship is ruined, which trust me, it will be, it will probably take around 9 months, then she will most likely hit you up. Now do u want her to be attracted to you or not? If you do then go NC, focus on yourself, do well in school and go the gym n have a proper life. Its a horrible feeling, horrible, none of us are here because we arent having issues but like the person above said, you can't go around the pain. I literally feeling like chopping my hand off some days to make something else hurt and take it off my heart for a minute. But i cant, so i go talk to friends. NC though, she will contact you i guarantee it.
Author Admeister Posted November 4, 2014 Author Posted November 4, 2014 Thanks for your advice. I understand what i have to so in order to heal... Funny thing, she called me while i was writing this to check up on when i'll be over to get my stuff tomorrow. Felt like my heart got ripped out by just hearing her voice. I decided right then that i can't keep goong like this and i HAVE to cut all ties with her to be able to heal, as you guys said. Thank you.
d0nnivain Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 Everybody faces the end of their 1st relationship at one time or another. Yours was simply a long time coming. The minute this other guy came into the picture, you were on thin ice. Even if you had taken her back the next day that would have only delayed the inevitable. After being with you since she was a teenager she wanted to know what/who else was out there. You will survive. Surround yourself with positive people. Don't do destructive things, like drown in alcohol; one cleansing binge, maybe, but the minute you find yourself reaching for a drink to heal the pain stop. In the short term work on finding a new place to live. A change of scenery will help with the healing.
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