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What is your feelings on ghosting( disappearing on someone who you are talking to)

DBryYES

By DBryYES
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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Sometimes when you are talking to someone or are dating someone, they realize that they no longer have any interest in you. Instead of telling you, they start ignoring you all together. Normally you don't see it coming, but you are shocked, confused, and sometimes hurt. You ask yourself what you did to deserve that and try and go over scenarios in your head wondering what happened and what you did wrong. That is what bothers me the most: thinking about questions that you will never have the answer to and never wondering why.

 

Have you ever been ghosted and how did it make you feel?

 

I don't consider it ghosting. These men owe you nothing until you are exclusive. Seriously, if they are losing interest, they are losing interest. They just don't feel like seeing you. So what? And what could you have possibly done wrong? If you are being yourself and being respectful, charming, fun, honest, etc., it's just that you weren't for each other. If you were not being yourself and trying to "accommodate" things you think they like about a woman or trying to be something you're not, then you did do something wrong. They can sense the unnaturalness of it.

 

Yes, it's a little easier if they tell you. But do you really want to know why? You better be able to handle the truth. Sometimes that hurts more . . .

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
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And, until it becomes clear to you that they are truly interested and invested, that man doesn't exist. In other words, live your life, don't think about him calling you, don't think about you calling him. All this stuff will fall into place when things are "right".

johnson_j Established Member

johnson_j

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Agree - this poor (immature) behavior seems to be getting more common. I went on a few dates with a girl last summer who was really into me (we had some differences though) and suddenly went silent. No big loss but I wish she had just replied saying "No thanks" or whatever.

 

 

I almost ghosted on a girl recently though. Told her I didn't want to see her anymore, but would like to be friends. She didn't get the clue. Told her again (in person this time). She still kept on full bore. Finally the third time it stuck and she stopped asking me out. My friends advised me to go silent on her because she didn't seem to understand we would never be together, but IMO that was too rude because she is a good person and deserves respect.

IronZ Established Member

IronZ

Posted
Posted
I don't consider it ghosting. These men owe you nothing until you are exclusive. Seriously, if they are losing interest, they are losing interest. They just don't feel like seeing you. So what? And what could you have possibly done wrong? If you are being yourself and being respectful, charming, fun, honest, etc., it's just that you weren't for each other. If you were not being yourself and trying to "accommodate" things you think they like about a woman or trying to be something you're not, then you did do something wrong. They can sense the unnaturalness of it.

 

Yes, it's a little easier if they tell you. But do you really want to know why? You better be able to handle the truth. Sometimes that hurts more . . .

 

What we're talking about is common courtesy and decency as a human being not to lead someone on or drag them around. They don't feel like seeing me? Fine. No problem. Tell me so I can move on with my life instead of waiting for a call or text that won't come. Tell me so I don't have to feel like I did something wrong. Tell me so that I don't have to wonder why.

 

I don't care why either. No explanation necessary. All they need to say is it's not going to happen. Done. I'm out of their lives for good. When a girl just disappears after having shown so much promise it really takes away a huge part of you. Doesn't seem like it's ever happened to you because you would feel different if it did.

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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What we're talking about is common courtesy and decency as a human being not to lead someone on or drag them around. They don't feel like seeing me? Fine. No problem. Tell me so I can move on with my life instead of waiting for a call or text that won't come. Tell me so I don't have to feel like I did something wrong. Tell me so that I don't have to wonder why.

 

I don't care why either. No explanation necessary. All they need to say is it's not going to happen. Done. I'm out of their lives for good. When a girl just disappears after having shown so much promise it really takes away a huge part of you. Doesn't seem like it's ever happened to you because you would feel different if it did.

 

No, IronZ, it has happened to me. I always move forward and don't look back. I don't get too invested in a person early on and that means before exclusivity. Before exclusivity, I expect nothing from anyone. How much promise is there really, ever.

 

If someone did this after we've become exclusive, I'd say I've dodged a bullet. I may be hurt, I may cry, but not for long. My life and time is too valuable to waste on being unhappy and pining away for someone who does that no matter why.

 

The one time in my life I spent months crying over, isolating myself over was my fiance of two years who passed away.

 

There is nothing that can hurt me as much as that did and, therefore, there isn't much I'm afraid of anymore.

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Omei Established Member

Omei

Posted
Posted (edited)
What we're talking about is common courtesy and decency as a human being not to lead someone on or drag them around. They don't feel like seeing me? Fine. No problem. Tell me so I can move on with my life instead of waiting for a call or text that won't come. Tell me so I don't have to feel like I did something wrong. Tell me so that I don't have to wonder why.

 

I don't care why either. No explanation necessary. All they need to say is it's not going to happen. Done. I'm out of their lives for good. When a girl just disappears after having shown so much promise it really takes away a huge part of you. Doesn't seem like it's ever happened to you because you would feel different if it did.

 

 

If you dont need a explanation then silence is all you need.

 

The person obviously didnt feel invested enough that they owed you any reasoning and sometimes that just happens.

 

Only you choose to sit by the phone and wait and have it effect you thats not their issue ither.

 

Politeness is nice when it happens but if you go through life having expectations from people you hardly know ima tell you, you're going to be disappointed often.

 

PS the guy I was talking too for a month just did a 180 yesterday he made so many promises and pretty talk, when he ditched I wasn't hurt or cared because I didn't invest in it yet still too soon I know what IT USED to feel like when I cared too much too soon and that's your problem.

Edited by Omei
elseaacych Established Member

elseaacych

Posted
Posted

It doesn't really matter unless you'd been talking for over a month, and on a pretty regular basis.

 

I've ghosted, and been ghosted. Either way, it sucks.

 

What's really weird is when you run into them and you're like: "Oh? Hi. ...How are things?"

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