How to proceed with OLD "pen pal"?

[J21]

Hello LS, I'll try to be as brief and concise without rambling on. FWIW I'm 32 she's 28.

 

About 1.5 months ago, some girl messaged me on a OLD site and we've been messaging back and forth daily ever since. We literally just shoot the breeze about this and that, and have about 70 messages between us in a span of 1.5 months. Although our "looking for" indicates we're searching for short term/long term dating, we kinda just emailed as if we were friends. Sharing how our day went, funny pictures/stories we found on the internet, work issues, stuff like that. We didn't share where we worked or mentioned anything specific, just "Oh this coworker did XXX today".

 

I did want to meet her, but she lives 100 miles away and had an exam that she was studying for. I've also had birthdays, family and other social obligations so timing wasn't quite right on my part. It's about a 2.5 hour drive one way, so it would definitely had to have been a weekend. I had other stuff going on in my life, plus I didn't want to give her undue pressure by asking her to meet with her exam and all. So I just left as "maybe I'll ask to meet her after her exam". Pretty much laid back attitude on my part.

 

Obviously, I wasn't dating this girl from the OLD, so I've been going on dates and seeing other girls trying to find my better half. I had date number 5 with someone this past weekend, and we're both interested in each other. We did not have the bf/gf talk, but I am wondering what my course of action is at this point.

 

I haven't messaged the girl from OLD since last Thursday, she messaged me Friday and I signed on to check but haven't logged on since. I'm wondering if it's wrong of me to just disappear without an explanation of some sort? I'm not trying to hurt anyone, but at the same time, I don't know if it's the right thing to do and wipe my hands and be like "I wasn't dating that OLD girl" and just go MIA.

 

I don't mean to jump the gun because I'm not officially in a relationship. But you kinda know when you want to focus on one person (at least I do anyways). And at the present time, I want to focus on that girl I went on a date with this weekend. Emailing the OLD girl doesn't feel honest of me, and sorta takes away from trying to make that bond with someone. It also takes some time to write those messages too as I'm not just shooting one or two liners.

 

Anyways, I don't really know what would be appropriate, so I'm just trying to get a feel for what people think out there.

 

TLDR: Guy has been messaging back and forth for 1.5 months with a girl on OLD, they never met because of timing and distance. Guy goes on 5th date, sees potential, and wants to focus on that person. Guy is ambivalent on how to proceed with OLD girl.

 

Thanks for reading.

Edited November 3, 2014 by J21

[CaliGypsy]

I would email LD girl and tell her the truth. Just a brief synopsis of what you said here would be just fine.

[Zippy2000]

Well, if it were to happen then it would have happened by now.

 

This happened to me with 3 girls in my past. Looking back now I think they just wanted to have a "pen pal". If they wanted you then any girl would have made a move.

 

Looking back at my scenario. One was too shy to say she didn't want to be more than friends, the other couldn't tell me in case she would hurt me and incredible as it sounds the 3 rd girl didn't want to lose me as a friend.

 

I was young back then and I'd wait and wait till the right time came to ask them out but of course the right time never came and I wasted my time on girls who saw me only as a friend.

 

You can just confine to do what your doing by tell her its friends only for now as youre seeing someone.