Sister acts like a tramp...am I being judgemental?

[dragonfire13]

I relocated from London to my hometown and Im living with my mum temporarily until I'm more settled job wise. My mum has paid off the mortgage to her house and so now the main household cost is bills. I have savings so I do contribute. Of course, when I get a job I intend to pay her a regular amount per month.

 

The cost of living in this area is cheap and I've been here two and a half months. Id also like to add I go on regular interviews so I am staying motivated with the job hunt and not being a bum.

 

Now, my sister who has been in a full time established job for 8 yrs, lives in a house close by. She does have a mortgage, but like I said the cost of living in this area is cheap and definitely affordable if you are working full time.

 

But she comes to the house where Im staying and uses it as a supermarket. I'm not being petty and talking about her coming here to eat occasionally (although she does that too sometimes and you can tell it's her meal of the day). I'm talking taking a few slices of bread, toilet roll, fruit, because apparently "we have loads".

 

When I ask her why she doesn't stock up on basic necessities, she said it's because she works and doesn't have time... I point out that while I may be unemployed now, I've worked full time with longer hours and longer commutes in office jobs, whilst she works 9-3.30 as a teaching assistant...and I've still had time to buy things that run out.

 

She then admits its because she apparently finds it a waste money, since we have more than enough here. I told her that's a trampy attitude to have and needless to say, she got offended and tried to insult me back, none of which had any merit so it didn't affect me too much.

 

I kind of get her mentality, as having lived alone myself you do end up sometimes throwing food away, or cooking a lot for one person, so it can seem like a waste of money. But I often accompany her on her shopping trips and she doesn't have any qualms about buying clothes, what I consider a luxury... so she's obviously not broke or anything...but then she wont shell out on bread, milk or loo roll because it's a waste?! I thought these were household essentials :-/

 

Was I being too harsh saying something?

[evanescentworld]

Well, to be honest, I'd ask your mum what she thinks. And as it's her house and you're both her daughters, really, she has the final say....

[dragonfire13]

My mum doesn't mind...it might be my mum's house, but I do contribute, and sometimes buy the stuff too. I wouldn't mind if my sister was struggling...but she's not. Whenever she comes round, I fix her up food some of which I've bought/cooked, as I would if anyone was a guest at the house and plus, I know she doesn't eat properly and the sisterly part of me feels nurturing towards her...but then Im like she has a frikking job! She chooses not to buy food!

 

And of course, if you go to her house, you're lucky to even get a cup of tea!

[mrs rubble]

Sorry, but I really think you're being a bit OTT worrying about a loo rolls and milk....you sound like my ex....my flatmate and I had to pay a 1/3 each for loaves of bread he bought. We never even ate the bread as we got free lunch at work...yet he insisted we pay our share.

Edited November 5, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I don't see a problem with it if your mother doesn't. I've lived alone since my teens (now 23) but when my mom kept a house in the same city as me - up until a few months ago - I would often "go shopping" at her house. A few rolls of toilet tissue, a bar of soap, a case of water, etc. She shopped at Costco and often bought in bulk so there was always surplus. Why? Because she invited me to do so and she had the means.

[dragonfire13]

You're missing the point... She does not live with us. She is working, we are not. I wouldn't dream of visiting someone's home , when I had my own place and was financially better off, and taking bits and bobs because I'm too lazy to go food shopping.

 

But that's just me. Appreciate the different perspectives, maybe it is petty.

[Lurkeraspect]

Why not ask her to make a list of things she needs, have her give you the money, then you do her a favor and shop for her. Maybe help her out a bit, since you're family and all.

[anika99]

My mum doesn't mind...it might be my mum's house, but I do contribute, and sometimes buy the stuff too. I wouldn't mind if my sister was struggling...but she's not. Whenever she comes round, I fix her up food some of which I've bought/cooked, as I would if anyone was a guest at the house and plus, I know she doesn't eat properly and the sisterly part of me feels nurturing towards her...but then Im like she has a frikking job! She chooses not to buy food!

 

And of course, if you go to her house, you're lucky to even get a cup of tea!

 

I understand that you sometimes contribute but your sister was probably doing this before you moved back home and she's not going to stop just because you reappeared. If your mom has no objections than there is nothing you can do about it. It is your mother's house and it sounds like she still pays the majority of the bills so she get's final say. Just focus on getting a job and getting your own place and don't worry about what everyone else is doing.

[Omei]

Sheeesh me and my family share everything if we need to grab a role of tp or a meal there's never been any complaints we do it ALL the time weekly.

 

That's what being a family is about supporting each other I dont understand your view you seem jealous towards her that she's working and you're not you also seem that because you would be more hostful than her that also makes you upset, if you don't feel like your gestures are appreciated dont do it anymore its that simple.

 

Ps its unlikely your mother will ever say "you cant do that anymore" its her child like your her child what's hers is yours prob in her mind and she will never stop helping out no matter what ither of your situations are good or bad thats what parents do we never stop being supportive.

 

The way you speak of your sister is kind of like she was an ex roomate jump onto the family train.

 

also you say your sister works full time and has her own mortgage yet doesn't have a meal till she comes by I think that's a hugs red flag she might not be the money bags you think she is.

[CC12]

If you're annoyed that she's taking things that you personally bought for the household with your own money, then keep those things in your room. If you don't have a room, buy a large basket to put these things in and make a sign that says, "No sisters allowed." Your mom can still help herself, but that tramp sister of yours can go beg on the street for a few slices of bread, I don't even care.

 

But if you're getting annoyed because she's using things that your mom bought, then you're just going to have to forget it. Besides, if we're keeping score of how much each of you are getting out of your mom, you probably win there, so don't worry about your sister "borrowing" fruit and CDs from your mom. Lou Rawls sucks anyway.