stillcold Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Hey all, Long story short: this girl and I have been dating for 3 months, we just officially became a couple around 4 month mark and it's been a week or so into our relationship. At first I was excited and happy about it but now... I just feel neutral and that makes me sad since she is a great girl and has all the qualities I want so I want to feel amazing about her but I'm not. And before you guys ask... yes I am attracted to her lol. I should not need to go into detail about that And with me feeling neutral about our relationship, it makes me doubt that I like her which makes me incredibly sad considering that I want to be crazy for her and the fact that it makes me feel guilty that I'm leading her on or something when I truly want to be crazy over her. So it's like a vicious cycle eating away at me, and part of me thinks I'm just over-thinking but at times the doubts become crippling and I feel guilty for even texting her since I feel like I'm not as crazy about her as I should be considering how great she is. And to reiterate, I DO want to be crazy about her! So am I just over-thinking things? Am I being too hard on myself? Or is something wrong with me?
Thegreatestthing Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Feelings are fickle it's a strange energetic thing,I was crazy about this guy yesterday today I kind of feel blah about him ,tommorrow you'll probably feel something else. I think if you let her go you'll miss her and want her but maybe not,if you don't feel truly excited by her ,like you hear love songs and don't think of her,be honest with yourself and break it off. You are overthinking and not trusting your inner feelings.
Author stillcold Posted November 3, 2014 Author Posted November 3, 2014 Feelings are fickle it's a strange energetic thing,I was crazy about this guy yesterday today I kind of feel blah about him ,tommorrow you'll probably feel something else. I think if you let her go you'll miss her and want her but maybe not,if you don't feel truly excited by her ,like you hear love songs and don't think of her,be honest with yourself and break it off. thanks for the reply... yeah, I do not want to let her go because I know she is a great catch and that I do want her, and I did have those feelings at first in regard to the love songs and etc. but now they have died down so now I am confused. I was excited about spending time with her and etc., but now it's just neutral which makes me incredibly sad. Would I have not felt sad if I didn't want her? This is just all so confusing and heart breaking for me... and I do not want to hurt her as it would kill me to do so. So I'm torn between two worlds: either I'm overthinking or I don't truly like her.
slizl Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Sometimes people that are good on paper don't work out in real life. There have been a few girls that checked all of my boxes (fun, smart, attractive, etc.), but for some reason, they just didn't do it for me. Unfortunately, you can't force chemistry to happen.
todreaminblue Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 being crazy about someone permanently is actually not good.....especially in the relationship department......i think the reality of what is up must come down should come into play where you realize high emotions need to settle for the relationship to be in a place of realness......when it does come down from euphoric....you have a more stable platform to base and build a relationship on, one that doesnt depend on every nuance of the person you are with but more on the connection you have together.which is more a mutual craziness shared than lopsided and depending on your "high" feelings alone....best wishes...hang in there.....deb
Thegreatestthing Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Yes it's sad because you had all this new hope for a great new relationship,but if your already feeling this way so soon it's not going to work out,if you're going to stay with her you'll probably feel blah again in a few weeks,she's likely not the one for you.thanks for the reply... yeah, I do not want to let her go because I know she is a great catch and that I do want her, and I did have those feelings at first in regard to the love songs and etc. but now they have died down so now I am confused. I was excited about spending time with her and etc., but now it's just neutral which makes me incredibly sad. Would I have not felt sad if I didn't want her? This is just all so confusing and heart breaking for me... and I do not want to hurt her as it would kill me to do so. So I'm torn between two worlds: either I'm overthinking or I don't truly like her.
Author stillcold Posted November 3, 2014 Author Posted November 3, 2014 Yes it's sad because you had all this new hope for a great new relationship,but if your already feeling this way so soon it's not going to work out,if you're going to stay with her you'll probably feel blah again in a few weeks,she's likely not the one for you. thanks for the replies everyone. it's very weird because I was very excited but all of sudden my feelings just dulled out which made me very, very, sad. I don't get it cause I am physically attracted to her, so what gives? I want to be with her, it's not like I don't, so that's why it's so confusing to feel this way. I guess the thought of leading her on is turning me off and ruining things so I'm going to stop thinking that way.
Thegreatestthing Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 (edited) It's just an electricity /chemistry thing it isnt based on physical appearence it's either there or it's not yo can't produce it at will. thanks for the replies everyone. it's very weird because I was very excited but all of sudden my feelings just dulled out which made me very, very, sad. I don't get it cause I am physically attracted to her, so what gives? I want to be with her, it's not like I don't, so that's why it's so confusing to feel this way. I guess the thought of leading her on is turning me off and ruining things so I'm going to stop thinking that way. Edited November 3, 2014 by Thegreatestthing
beautifulinside2 Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I was once told that a relationship begins after the newness and euphoria wears off. All relationships are new and exciting in the beginning, but its the time after that really shows you who a person is and if you really enjoy and have a future with them. You are probably just getting comfortable with her.
Author stillcold Posted November 3, 2014 Author Posted November 3, 2014 It's just an electricity /chemistry thing it isnt based on physical appearence it's either there or it's not yo can't produce it at will. Thanks for all your replies. It means a lot to me as I am definitely in a state of turmoil. So would you define this as the "click"? And the weird thing is there have been women where I have had no "click" yet I was romantically interested in them, so I don't think that may be an issue here. But again, thank you for all your input, I am trying to be as honest as I can with myself as there have been women which I CLEARLY did not want to be with whereas I have found this amazing person yet I am starting to doubt my feelings in fear that I may be leading her on.
Author stillcold Posted November 3, 2014 Author Posted November 3, 2014 I was once told that a relationship begins after the newness and euphoria wears off. All relationships are new and exciting in the beginning, but its the time after that really shows you who a person is and if you really enjoy and have a future with them. You are probably just getting comfortable with her. Thanks for your input. The thing is we were chatting over e-mail for about 8 months or so before we actually started dating since we had met each other in person at an event, then we had to part ways for about 8 or so months until we would meet again so we kept in contact over e-mail. At that time all photos of her would drive me crazy and I'd think she was the most beautiful girl and etc., so upon reflection it it has already been more than a year with her (8 months over e-mail + 4 months or so dating) so I guess maybe that has something to do with the feelings wearing down/me getting comfortable? In the end, all I know is this: I want to be crazy and head over heels for her, but it's bothering me that I'm not anymore. I still want to be with her, yet I don't want to lead her on. Thanks again everyone.
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