MissMoneyPenny Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I was with my ex for almost four years (he finished it twice during this time and then came back). He had emotional baggage from his ex and said he needed to take things slow. We enjoyed each others company and always had fun but I'm not sure I ever really felt he loved me. As we approached four years together, I think he would have married me because he felt obliged to after all that time. I didn't want that. Eventually I plucked up the courage and said I know you love me but are you in love with me? He said he cared. I asked if he wanted this to work, he said its up to me. It was all a bit cold and I couldn't drag any enthusiasm out of him so that was it. I was sad. VERY sad. But not really surprised. I moved on. Fast forward several months and he starts emailing me lots of breadcrumbs. We meet up and he is passionate, said he wants marriage and kids. Fast forward a couple of months and he said he's getting married to someone else! I said it's not too late who do you want to marry, her or me? He said he couldn't do that to her! Shrugged his shoulders and said life moves on. I was gutted. I've never been so hurt in my life. Totally blind sided. I just can't get rid of feeling like I'm worthless. I just don't want anyone else. They are now married. How can I trust anyone again after that? I know I have to move on but I still feel shocked by it all. And I feel used. How could he do that to me? What was the point of getting all my hopes up and then he just walks away.. I wish he had just left me alone. He has totally screwed up my head. I went straight to NC. I just can't move on...
CarrieT Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I just can't get rid of feeling like I'm worthless. I just don't want anyone else. They are now married. How can I trust anyone again after that? I know I have to move on but I still feel shocked by it all. And I feel used. How could he do that to me? What was the point of getting all my hopes up and then he just walks away.. I wish he had just left me alone. He has totally screwed up my head. I went straight to NC. I just can't move on... I am so sorry you are hurting, but an important part of your story struck me, here: I was with my ex for almost four years (he finished it twice during this time and then came back). Twice he tried to break up with you and you let him come back each time. In regards to your question about, "how could he do that?" It is because you let him! You had the red flags during the earlier break-ups and didn't stick by your guns of realizing that it was not a healthy relationship. You are not worthless, but you need to stand up for yourself and not let someone walk all over you. 1
Dontfindme Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 You will trust again, because you won't let an *ss dictate your faith/trust in others. Screw that d-bag. 1
Zahara Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I just can't get rid of feeling like I'm worthless. I just don't want anyone else. They are now married. How can I trust anyone again after that? I know I have to move on but I still feel shocked by it all. And I feel used. How could he do that to me? What was the point of getting all my hopes up and then he just walks away.. I wish he had just left me alone. He has totally screwed up my head. I went straight to NC. I just can't move on... MMP, I am so sorry. I can't imagine how hurt you must feel. Please don't let his emotional dysfunction define who you are. You are not worthless. You were able to love and give unconditionally but he just wasn't emotionally available and present to give you what you needed. It has nothing to do with your worth. You'll trust again but for now those wounds are going to stop you from opening yourself up again. And that is very normal. You can move on. It is going to take time. And taking accountability for your own mistakes for taking him back and allowing him to put you at risk for more hurt is another step that will allow you to let go. He is not the only one responsible for making you feel used. You said, "I'm not sure I ever really felt he loved me." You allowed yourself to be dragged for four years while feeling that way. Time to own up to your own mistakes. 1
Author MissMoneyPenny Posted November 3, 2014 Author Posted November 3, 2014 Thank you for your posts. I appreciate your honesty. I accept I made mistakes. I need to learn all I can from this as I never ever want to go through this again. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I'm sorry you are hurting. His rash decision to get married in no way invalidates you as a person. Do not think like that. You need to focus on the fact that you know your own heart. You were self aware enough to recognize that you didn't want to stay with him if he didn't love you & you knew you couldn't marry if he wasn't fully committed. That's more self awareness then a lot of people have. 1
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