PogoStick Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 What does everyone mean FWB doesn't work? If FWB doesn't work because it eventually ends and there are hurt feelings, then regular relationships clearly don't work either. They both got to fulfill their sexual needs. It worked for them for 18 months! That's a great run, even for a regular relationship. To the OP, he's dating someone else now that he wants to pursue more than with you. He didn't handle it well, and after 18 months you deserve a better explanation, even a warning that this was coming. His actions make it seem that the other girl found out about you and shut it down. He shut you down hard to protect the new relationship. My current experience is different. I've been in a FWB since July. Her and I both date openly. We speak often about how we're feeling, if we have concerns or insecurities. We ask about our other partners. And, we've set a hard end to the FWB of New Years. For us, there should be no surprises. Knowing the end date keeps our feelings and expectations in check. It also encourages us to explore and make the most of our time together, which we will be doing on Thursday and Saturday this week 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 He's met someone else x this doesn't mean u didn't mean anything to him tho I think u have to have Atleast some feelings to have sex with someone, your best course of action now is to back off x
J21 Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 Sorry you are feeling what you're feeling, but I don't think you are owed an explanation. It seems you both knew this was a FWB relationship from the beginning (your post pretty much states it explicitly). I think he met someone and he wants to foster that relationship for now. It doesn't seem honest if he kept sleeping with you so he had no choice but to end it. Again, don't take it personally, I think FWBs never work out for this very reason. Gluck 1
Omei Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 (edited) All Fwb ends sometime, it is not a relationship of any form of commitment and when 1 person doesn't want to be intimate anymore in a fwb they need not give you a reason you were never his gf. your relationship was built around sex there was never a need to swoon or date you because of yalls agreement, sleeping with him thinking he will fall for you through sex was a little foolish, now that you know you are incapable of fwb without getting feelings id suggest not doing this form of relationship again if you want more from someone. Edited November 4, 2014 by Omei 2
Dallers Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I already screwed it up by texting him over the past weekend asking if he wanted someone else, never got a response from him, except today he finally responded, then I showed too much emotion by telling him that I was crying and just flat out told him that no strings attached never works out. I'm just going to delete his number and never contact him again. Also, I don't get how the whole "playing it cool" helps get the person back? I just have to act like I don't care about it...is that how the game works? Its not about playing a game its just about accepting that it is only sex. Great sex, but still only sex and never going anywhere else. Clearly that is not what you are looking for so my advice does not count but if it was just sex and you lost him by playing it cool he would eventually come back to you once he realised that this new girl is not working out and he misses the great casual sex you two were having. Trust me it always happens to me when girls break up with their boyfriend. Sometimes I go back and let it continue other times I do not reply. 2
ScreaminEagle Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I agree he owes you know response or explanation. Entering into a friends with benefits situations requires two peoples agreement, he was honest about his intentions, you were not, therefore you misled him and caught feelings. You ask after a year why he didn't catch feeling? It is harsh but simple, you allowed yourself to get used, because you didn't tell him how you really felt, you could of saved yourself this heartache 1 or 2 months in, but you dragged it out and played it out a year. Why would he want to get into a relationship with you? Why by the cow when you can get the milk for free. By you contacting him will make it worse. Move on. 2
central Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 All of my FWBs worked out just fine, and lasted from 6 months to almost 4 years. Feelings did not develop, beyond close friendship. In all cases, the women ended it when they met someone they wanted to pursue for a relationship. I was happy for them that they found someone. I just had to move on one way or another. Saying FWB never works is simply stupid. Many do work, actually. You can as truthfully say that dating never works. In both cases, most end eventually, and usually one person at least has developed feelings - or lost those feelings. The problems arise when you can't be honest with yourself and your partner, and practice delusional thinking instead. 3
Omei Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 She didn't get "used". It was a mutually beneficial agreement. I think they meant to say that they eventually allowed herself to be used when she knew she had feelings but kept them bottled in hopes of it being returned instead of being honest about them.
cif Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I think they meant to say that they eventually allowed herself to be used when she knew she had feelings but kept them bottled in hopes of it being returned instead of being honest about them. That's not being "used". An example would be if the guy knew she had feelings and pretended to reciprocate. Her FWB was upfront from the get go. 3
ASG Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 All of my FWBs worked out just fine, and lasted from 6 months to almost 4 years. Feelings did not develop, beyond close friendship. In all cases, the women ended it when they met someone they wanted to pursue for a relationship. I was happy for them that they found someone. I just had to move on one way or another. Saying FWB never works is simply stupid. Many do work, actually. You can as truthfully say that dating never works. In both cases, most end eventually, and usually one person at least has developed feelings - or lost those feelings. The problems arise when you can't be honest with yourself and your partner, and practice delusional thinking instead. Quoted for truth! I too have had plenty of FWB arrangements and they've mostly worked out great! Some I ended, some just fizzled, some they ended. Don't remember ever being heartbroken when it ended... And sure, sometimes I had some feelings (like I do for my current FWB), but I wasn't in love and knew the rules of the game. Was not waiting for them to "come around". If my current FWB calls it quits, I will be more bummed by the lack of sex than anything else, but I'm sure I'll find a replacement soon. 2
Author LisaSmith_1970 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Posted November 4, 2014 Its not about playing a game its just about accepting that it is only sex. Great sex, but still only sex and never going anywhere else. Clearly that is not what you are looking for so my advice does not count but if it was just sex and you lost him by playing it cool he would eventually come back to you once he realised that this new girl is not working out and he misses the great casual sex you two were having. Trust me it always happens to me when girls break up with their boyfriend. Sometimes I go back and let it continue other times I do not reply. So, what do you think are the chances of him contacting me again?
Omei Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 So, what do you think are the chances of him contacting me again? None, unless whatever he has going didn't work out and he needs his sex partner back than he might contact you. 1
Author LisaSmith_1970 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Posted November 4, 2014 Quoted for truth! I too have had plenty of FWB arrangements and they've mostly worked out great! Some I ended, some just fizzled, some they ended. Don't remember ever being heartbroken when it ended... And sure, sometimes I had some feelings (like I do for my current FWB), but I wasn't in love and knew the rules of the game. Was not waiting for them to "come around". If my current FWB calls it quits, I will be more bummed by the lack of sex than anything else, but I'm sure I'll find a replacement soon. I don't know, when I was with my FWB, I was never interested in any other guy, I didn't want to date anyone else, because I felt that I wasn't technically "single."
CarrieT Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 So, what do you think are the chances of him contacting me again? None, unless he wants to get laid again. I don't know, when I was with my FWB, I was never interested in any other guy, I didn't want to date anyone else, because I felt that I wasn't technically "single." That was your error. You WERE "technically single" - as was he - but you simply did not choose to act upon it and developed feelings for a guy who was nothing other than a f*ck buddy.
ASG Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 I don't know, when I was with my FWB, I was never interested in any other guy, I didn't want to date anyone else, because I felt that I wasn't technically "single." But you were. For all intents and purposes. And just because you felt that way, it doesn't mean he did... He may have been seeing other people. Every FWB I've had that turned into a relationship, turned within a month or 2 after we started seeing each other. If it carries on longer than that without anything changing, then you've established the status quo. And it is set! And you might as well pursue other options, as that one is not gonna materialise! Not that I go into these arrangements thinking they'll turn into relationships. I don't. I do it for a bit of fun!
Author LisaSmith_1970 Posted November 5, 2014 Author Posted November 5, 2014 Did I annoy him by constantly asking him if he was seeing anyone? I kept texting him that this past weekend and never got a response. What's wrong asking that question? People say, I had to communicate with him more-which I did, because I wanted some answers, only he didn't want to give me any answers!
Tayken Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 This strategy is retarded. Who taught this to you? Guys don't catch feelings through sex! Guys catch feelings through romance! You make him chase you. It's in the women's handbook....chapter 3, subsection 2.1 Did I annoy him by constantly asking him if he was seeing anyone? I kept texting him that this past weekend and never got a response. What's wrong asking that question Lisa...surely you are pulling our collective legs by asking this question? I can give you a myriad of reason as to why you might have more than annoyed him or me if that happened. I have one FWB that did that, and she continues to text me weekly without me answering. I hope you take your time and not rush out there to fill that void (no pun intended).
ScreaminEagle Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 That's not being "used". An example would be if the guy knew she had feelings and pretended to reciprocate. Her FWB was upfront from the get go. Did you not read her comment: I don't think I could have played it cool anymore, he thinks I only wanted him for sex because I played along.I doubt he thinks I'm a psycho or stalker, though. I mean, it wasn't a one night stand, we have been doing this for a year and half-that's a long time. I figured I'll just keep him around until he comes around and falls for me instead of losing him altogether and not getting any sex at all. The sex that I had with him was great. How am I suppose to find a guy that's great in bed like he was?
CarrieT Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Did I annoy him by constantly asking him if he was seeing anyone? I kept texting him that this past weekend and never got a response. What's wrong asking that question? People say, I had to communicate with him more-which I did, because I wanted some answers, only he didn't want to give me any answers! He doesn't owe you answers at all. He owes you nothing and by telling him about your tears and heartbreak, he will be less inclined to tell you anything. The coffin is built and your badgering him are the nails that have hammered it shut. Leave him alone and move on...
cif Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Did you not read her comment: I don't think I could have played it cool anymore, he thinks I only wanted him for sex because I played along.I doubt he thinks I'm a psycho or stalker, though. I mean, it wasn't a one night stand, we have been doing this for a year and half-that's a long time. I figured I'll just keep him around until he comes around and falls for me instead of losing him altogether and not getting any sex at all. The sex that I had with him was great. How am I suppose to find a guy that's great in bed like he was? I dont get it. Wheres the part he uses her. 1
ScreaminEagle Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Well, I know if I would have told him how I felt, he probably would have just said that he doesn't want a relationship, because he told me that last year when I asked him. Either way, I had to tell him sooner or later. There was no way for me to just "play" it cool. I mean, I just don't want to hook up with him anymore, I wanted him to take me out on dates, meet his friends, just hang-out. I would have just kept waiting and waiting for him to change his mind about me. C'mon, a year and a half? I know for a fact he goes to all these electronic music shows-clubs and has dinner socials on meet up.com, where he is bound to meet some girl and possibly date her. Sounds to me like she set herself up to be used, at her own behest. This guy did nothing wrong. 1
ScreaminEagle Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 I dont get it. Wheres the part he uses her. I am not sure you are understanding me, I think she put herself in a situation to be used, he was on one page, she was on the other, by proxy she wound being used, she didn't get what she wanted out of it because she was not honest. 2
PogoStick Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Lisa you need to just learn from this experience. You can make a FWB whatever the two of you decide it to be, but after 18 months its too late. It's the same as any other relationship. Be honest and straightforward from the beginning. Explain your needs and expectations. Find a man who agrees to your terms and don't accept anything less.
Tayken Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Find a man who agrees to your terms and don't accept anything less. Wow...in other words a door stopper? I guess her agreeing to the terms of the would-be FWB is out of the question because she is a woman, and he has to hear her ROAR?
stillafool Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 I don't know, when I was with my FWB, I was never interested in any other guy, I didn't want to date anyone else, because I felt that I wasn't technically "single." Well I guess you won't make that mistake again. When you are in a FWB set up you are single. I have to agree with others that he has probably met someone he wants to have a relationship with and knows if he comes right out and tells you this you will be hurt. When you spend a year and a half with someone who never brings you around his friends, family, co-workers or doesn't take you on dates but only to bed he doesn't want you as a gf.
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