LisaSmith_1970 Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I was in a FWB for a year and a half. Everything was going good, until last week he told me he wants a break from sex. He told me there was no reason. I was texting him and asked him if there was someone else and he never replied back, so I asked him again this morning if it was because he wasn't in the mood or does he want to bang someone else and he finally replied and said, "Its clear, I don't want to have sex with you. Doesn't matter why." I'm like wth? What did I do wrong? Did the sex just boring? I texted him and told him that I wanted something more and that I had feelings for him and I told him that I was crying at work. I realized that no strings attached never works out! Why did he call it quits????
Zahara Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 He probably met someone and doesn't want the arrangement he has with you anymore. It could also possibly be that he had a feeling you're emotional about him and seeing that he doesn't feel the same way, he felt that it would be best to end it. When you started having emotions for him, why didn't you just tell him? Did you think he'd start feeling the same way about you if you continued long enough with the arrangement that you had? The only think you can do at this point is accept his decision and move on. 6
Toodaloo Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Because you are a f**k buddy nothing more. You were not in a relationship with this guy it was casual no emotions. This is what happens when you are a FWB. He has probably decided that he wants more than just sex. Its not going to happen with you or it would have done already so he is making himself available to women who also want more or has found a woman who also wants more. He doesn't need to give you a reason. He doesn't have to explain himself. That is the very nature of the arrangement you had with him. There is more to life than great sex. 6
CarrieT Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I texted him and told him that I wanted something more and that I had feelings for him and I told him that I was crying at work. This is why FWB rarely works. Someone always develops feelings and someone usually gets hurt in the process. Sorry it took you being a f*ck toy for a year to have to learn this lesson. 2
ScreaminEagle Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I think he met someone else and does not want to hurt your feelings. No strings attached meaningless unemotional sex gets old. Masturbation has the same effect in my opinion from a guys perspective. Emotionless sex is exciting at first, but it gets boring. 2
mammasita Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Yep, FWB never works. You were simply a warm hole to pass the time, nothing more. Take it as a lesson learned. 2
Toodaloo Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Just wanted to quickly add... do not text or call. If your response had been cool ok see you around you might have kept him as a mate. Now he is think psycho or at best stalker and every text and phone call from here on in validates that. Time to start treating yourself with a bit more respect. FWB is not all its cracked up to be. You have just learnt the hard way. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 He doesn't owe you an explanation, unfortunately. If it was truly a FWB, then it really was just sex. You developed feelings and he didn't. It hurts, but take it as a lesson learned. My guess is that he did in fact meet someone else but doesn't want to hurt you. he knows you have feelings for him that he doesn't have for you. Don't contact him again. 1
slizl Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I think you guys are being a little harsh. Maybe that is what the OP needs, maybe not. OP, sorry that you had feelings involved in your FWB situation, but I think that you will be better off without this guy in your life. Good luck!
Thegreatestthing Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 He probably called it quits because he could sense you were getting emotionally attached ,most girls with a few exceptions do ,that's why fwb isn't always a great idea.you must feel very unsexy and rejected right now try to forget him and go on a dating site and look for some guys who will value you for more than your p-ssy. I was in a FWB for a year and a half. Everything was going good, until last week he told me he wants a break from sex. He told me there was no reason. I was texting him and asked him if there was someone else and he never replied back, so I asked him again this morning if it was because he wasn't in the mood or does he want to bang someone else and he finally replied and said, "Its clear, I don't want to have sex with you. Doesn't matter why." I'm like wth? What did I do wrong? Did the sex just boring? I texted him and told him that I wanted something more and that I had feelings for him and I told him that I was crying at work. I realized that no strings attached never works out! Why did he call it quits????
jcrew11 Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Yeah, sounds like he met someone else or wants to meet other women. He clearly doesn't want to date you and especially does not want to marry you. Sorry, breakups happen, just be lucky you had a relationship for longer than a year and it wasn't just a one night stand. Why do you want to make him stay with you if he wants to be with other women? Men just want quick sex without any emotional attachment or long term expectations. Women always get emotionally attached and want long term committment and monogamy. Find someone else who wants to be with you, and won't string you along for quick sex.
Author LisaSmith_1970 Posted November 3, 2014 Author Posted November 3, 2014 He probably met someone and doesn't want the arrangement he has with you anymore. It could also possibly be that he had a feeling you're emotional about him and seeing that he doesn't feel the same way, he felt that it would be best to end it. When you started having emotions for him, why didn't you just tell him? Did you think he'd start feeling the same way about you if you continued long enough with the arrangement that you had? The only think you can do at this point is accept his decision and move on. Well, I know if I would have told him how I felt, he probably would have just said that he doesn't want a relationship, because he told me that last year when I asked him. Either way, I had to tell him sooner or later. There was no way for me to just "play" it cool. I mean, I just don't want to hook up with him anymore, I wanted him to take me out on dates, meet his friends, just hang-out. I would have just kept waiting and waiting for him to change his mind about me. C'mon, a year and a half? I know for a fact he goes to all these electronic music shows-clubs and has dinner socials on meet up.com, where he is bound to meet some girl and possibly date her.
Gloria25 Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Well, I think that even though now you told him your feelings about him - doesn't matter cuz you started off the RL in the category of "FWB"... So, you put yourself in the category of "the girl I won't take home to mother"...Yes, that's what FWBs are - companionship. If he wanted more with you in the first place, he wold have told you "no thanks" and would have pursued you on a different level. Actually, that happened to me a couple of times. The guys told me they wanted more than a FB/FWB situation. So yea, either he found someone else to keep him company, he realized you started having feelings, and/or cuz there's no "glue" (i.e. marriage and/or kids) when the feeelin's gone, it's gone - no matter how great the sex is or how fun with you is. Cry, take some time to learn from this and move on....
Author LisaSmith_1970 Posted November 3, 2014 Author Posted November 3, 2014 Just wanted to quickly add... do not text or call. If your response had been cool ok see you around you might have kept him as a mate. Now he is think psycho or at best stalker and every text and phone call from here on in validates that. Time to start treating yourself with a bit more respect. FWB is not all its cracked up to be. You have just learnt the hard way. I don't think I could have played it cool anymore, he thinks I only wanted him for sex because I played along.I doubt he thinks I'm a psycho or stalker, though. I mean, it wasn't a one night stand, we have been doing this for a year and half-that's a long time. I figured I'll just keep him around until he comes around and falls for me instead of losing him altogether and not getting any sex at all. The sex that I had with him was great. How am I suppose to find a guy that's great in bed like he was?
Gloria25 Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I don't think I could have played it cool anymore, he thinks I only wanted him for sex because I played along.I doubt he thinks I'm a psycho or stalker, though. I mean, it wasn't a one night stand, we have been doing this for a year and half-that's a long time. I figured I'll just keep him around until he comes around and falls for me instead of losing him altogether and not getting any sex at all. The sex that I had with him was great. How am I suppose to find a guy that's great in bed like he was? And, that's why FWBs suck...you do things with the other person - besides sex - that gives the illusion that they want more from you, but dear, they don't...That's why it's a FWB thing. And the great sex? Yeah, sucks doesn't it? It's like you have to weigh what's more important to you - great sex, or someone with ho-hum sex, but you'll take home to mother.
Dallers Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 (edited) Anyone who says that you can be in a FB or FWB situation and not have a certain amount of feelings is LYING! Sex is never good when it is completely meaningless. If you two have been at it for a year and a half then you must have had a connection that good to keep it going that long which means feelings. I have been in several situations like this and my current one is fantastic and although there are no so called "feelings" we are so damn good together it is obvious there is a connection. The reason we are in this situation is because we were never going to work as a couple, no common interests and big personality clash. We both agreed to a one night stand and there were fireworks. That is why it became a FWB situation. Chemistry but no commitment. His actions as someone with experience in this area are solely because he has met someone that he likes more than you. FB/FWB are for those situations where a relationship just would not work between you but the sex is great. A relationship will always beat this agreement because at the end of the day love conquers all. You can play this to your advantage by walking away and not contacting him or showing emotion as by doing this you end any possible chance of it happening again. If you want to continue this agreement at a later date (His relationship has like a 5% chance of going anywhere) then play it cool and wait it out. Edited November 3, 2014 by Dallers
Author LisaSmith_1970 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Posted November 4, 2014 Anyone who says that you can be in a FB or FWB situation and not have a certain amount of feelings is LYING! Sex is never good when it is completely meaningless. If you two have been at it for a year and a half then you must have had a connection that good to keep it going that long which means feelings. I have been in several situations like this and my current one is fantastic and although there are no so called "feelings" we are so damn good together it is obvious there is a connection. The reason we are in this situation is because we were never going to work as a couple, no common interests and big personality clash. We both agreed to a one night stand and there were fireworks. That is why it became a FWB situation. Chemistry but no commitment. His actions as someone with experience in this area are solely because he has met someone that he likes more than you. FB/FWB are for those situations where a relationship just would not work between you but the sex is great. A relationship will always beat this agreement because at the end of the day love conquers all. You can play this to your advantage by walking away and not contacting him or showing emotion as by doing this you end any possible chance of it happening again. If you want to continue this agreement at a later date (His relationship has like a 5% chance of going anywhere) then play it cool and wait it out. I already screwed it up by texting him over the past weekend asking if he wanted someone else, never got a response from him, except today he finally responded, then I showed too much emotion by telling him that I was crying and just flat out told him that no strings attached never works out. I'm just going to delete his number and never contact him again. Also, I don't get how the whole "playing it cool" helps get the person back? I just have to act like I don't care about it...is that how the game works?
Zahara Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 Well, I know if I would have told him how I felt, he probably would have just said that he doesn't want a relationship, because he told me that last year when I asked him. So you still kept dragging yourself, abandoning your needs/wants in hopes that he may change his mind. Don't do that again. When someone tells you what you don't want to hear, listen and walk away. Either way, I had to tell him sooner or later. There was no way for me to just "play" it cool. Sooner is always better because you save yourself a ton of hurt versus investing in someone that isn't looking for the same things you are. There is no way to play it cool when you are emotional. It's hard to do. I mean, I just don't want to hook up with him anymore, I wanted him to take me out on dates, meet his friends, just hang-out. But last year he told you that he was not interested in a relationship. You still kept hooking up with him. I would have just kept waiting and waiting for him to change his mind about me. C'mon, a year and a half? That's what I don't understand. The arrangement was FWB. He declined a relationship last year. And you are surprised about spending a year and a half with no return?
Tayken Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I don't think I could have played it cool anymore, he thinks I only wanted him for sex because I played along.I doubt he thinks I'm a psycho or stalker, though. I mean, it wasn't a one night stand, we have been doing this for a year and half-that's a long time. I figured I'll just keep him around until he comes around and falls for me instead of losing him altogether and not getting any sex at all. The sex that I had with him was great. How am I suppose to find a guy that's great in bed like he was? He was probably thinking exactly the same thing until he called it quits. I am guessing something else has come up for him. by telling him that I was crying and just flat out told him that no strings attached never works out. I'm just going to delete his number and never contact him again. Right...I have heard this from a number of women in the past, the problem is they know the number by heart, and it won't be long before they start texting and calling, asking to give it another try. By crying, he knows he has you right where he wants you.
BeholdtheMan Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I texted him and told him that I wanted something more and that I had feelings for him and I told him that I was crying at work. ... Maybe he was picking up on your clinginess 2
OwMyEyeball Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I don't think I could have played it cool anymore, he thinks I only wanted him for sex because I played along.I doubt he thinks I'm a psycho or stalker, though. I mean, it wasn't a one night stand, we have been doing this for a year and half-that's a long time. I figured I'll just keep him around until he comes around and falls for me instead of losing him altogether and not getting any sex at all. The sex that I had with him was great. How am I suppose to find a guy that's great in bed like he was? I dunno How'd you find him in the first place?
ExpatInItaly Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I already screwed it up by texting him over the past weekend asking if he wanted someone else, never got a response from him, except today he finally responded, then I showed too much emotion by telling him that I was crying and just flat out told him that no strings attached never works out. I'm just going to delete his number and never contact him again. Also, I don't get how the whole "playing it cool" helps get the person back? I just have to act like I don't care about it...is that how the game works? Well, no. Not if the other person has already told you they don't want what you want. Why would you want to consider that when he flat-out told you he doesn't want to continue this arrangement??
SawtoothMars Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I don't think I could have played it cool anymore, he thinks I only wanted him for sex because I played along.I doubt he thinks I'm a psycho or stalker, though. I mean, it wasn't a one night stand, we have been doing this for a year and half-that's a long time. I figured I'll just keep him around until he comes around and falls for me instead of losing him altogether and not getting any sex at all. The sex that I had with him was great. How am I suppose to find a guy that's great in bed like he was? This strategy is retarded. Who taught this to you? Guys don't catch feelings through sex! Guys catch feelings through romance! You make him chase you.
ascendotum Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 (edited) He doesn't owe you an explanation, unfortunately. If it was truly a FWB, then it really was just sex. You developed feelings and he didn't. It hurts, but take it as a lesson learned. My guess is that he did in fact meet someone else but doesn't want to hurt you. he knows you have feelings for him that he doesn't have for you. Don't contact him again. I think after being intimate with each other for a year an a half, really it would be nice of him to give her an explanation. If she has been nice enough to offer all of her naked body for his pleasure for that long then giving her 5 minute convo as to why he is calling it quits is hardly a big onerous burden on him. I realize fwb is a 2 way street and she is getting her rocks off as well, but you'd like to think in a decent fwb which I consider is more than f-buddy / booty call scenario there is some level of respect for your 'Friend' For me an fwb avoiding a final goodbye convo vs being told bv her she found someone else who wants to be her bf would be no worse in terms of getting hurt. The OP made the mistake of falling for him and just hanging on in an fwb hoping it might get upgraded to a full on bf/gf relationship. Even so I think you should be able to be upfront with an fwb, at least at the end since the guy is not risking shutting down the nsa sex flow, as he's the one shutting it down. Edited November 4, 2014 by ascendotum
Toodaloo Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 Well, I know if I would have told him how I felt, he probably would have just said that he doesn't want a relationship, because he told me that last year when I asked him. Either way, I had to tell him sooner or later. There was no way for me to just "play" it cool. I mean, I just don't want to hook up with him anymore, I wanted him to take me out on dates, meet his friends, just hang-out. I would have just kept waiting and waiting for him to change his mind about me. C'mon, a year and a half? I know for a fact he goes to all these electronic music shows-clubs and has dinner socials on meet up.com, where he is bound to meet some girl and possibly date her. Thats the problem with FWB situations. You were confussing sex with emotion. Easy thing to do as women do tend to think more emotionally about sex than men do. I read somewhere recently that women have their brains switched on before sex then they switch them off, men are switched off until they have sex then switch their brains on. You should have ended you FWB situation when you started getting those emotions. That way he may have had a shred of respect for you. Now he is thinking along the lines of "so she can just use me and sex with me to try and keep me?" Not a good thing to think as he will then also think that you are using sex as a game and not for something more serious. I am truly sorry that you are hurting but he is not the one at fault here. You have made a mistake. Time to learn from it so you don't make it again and move on. I really do not think that you are going to get this guy back. If you try I think you will end up making a fool of yourself and getting a reputation for being something your not. As for finding a guy thats great in bed again. That is actually the EASY part. All you have to do is train them as to what you like and to be frank most guys would fall over backwards to ensure that they are going to be a God in bed. Heck I had one guy asking for help on how to get good on going down on a girl recently after he learnt that I am good at blow jobs (how did I learn that was the question), he is single and currently reading a very informative book so he can get the know how for the woman he is next in a relationship with. Note the word relationship not the next woman he happens to shag. Take some time to heal your wounds and have a think about what everyone is saying. Sex is not the be all and end all. Its actually a very small part of it. 1
Recommended Posts