Iliveforyou Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Here I am, another one between many, in deep pain for the loss of my boyfriend. "Oh, but what happened, did he dump you?" Not exactly. LDR turned into living together. I'm far away from home. I've always been living far away for my home town since 2000, in several places throughout the years since then. Met him last year, was everything I wanted. But he was too far away when i was finally decided to settle close to my family. He couldn't go to live with me, his work... So I came to live with him. Being a housewife when I was always the working girl made me a bit insane. How to kill time when alone... How to deal with the idea I wanted to try to be close to my family... Etc. these things were leading us to constant fights, most of them started by me because I felt sad and useless as a person. He tried so hard. He did his best. He like any other taught me what love is. In my craziness, I broke up because I needed to see my family after a small argument. Booked a flight and I'm waiting to go "home". I'm devastated. I can't even explain, I know a lot are passing through this but and when the anger comes from yourself, your own actions, and not from what the other person did? I couldn't be better for him, and this was killing me. I can't live without him either. I'm crying non stop for 7 hours now. He was the right man, even if you say it doesn't exist. He was, at the wrong moment of my personal and professional life. I'm so sad I could shower in my own tears. I don't know what to do. I wanted to stop the fights but I was not wise enough to know how to stop the fights! Only heaven knows how much I will miss him!
Author Iliveforyou Posted November 3, 2014 Author Posted November 3, 2014 I think I couldn't accept the responsibility I took. I finally realized I wanted everything. To live with someone close to my family and not needing to talk to them through Skype. Also, not needing to talk to my boyfriend on skype because I was with my family. I guess I couldn't accept anymore having my life divided, needing to choose "I will be with you now missing them". I wanted them all together with me after 14 years of needing to choose... I can't stand losing him. He is hurt right now and I know he won't forgive me because I broke what we just have started to build. I can't, too, forgive myself for not being stronger. How can I finally live without choosing which person I love To be close? Forgive the English, second language and I'm extremely nervous, sad and tired right now.
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