Omega87 Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I have been with my new girlfriend for about a month and a half, about 2 months before that I had just broken up with my ex of 6.5 years. It's tough to say how I feel. I absolutely do not want to be with my ex, we aren't right for each other, we had a nice relationship that ran it's course. She broke up with me, and I fought it for a while, but I have done everything right in moving on and getting over it. That being said, sometimes I feel sad about it. My ex is very insecure, and I feel guilty that I've moved on and have a new girl. I feel guilty that I wasn't able to make her feel more confident in herself when we dated, and I see the stuff she posts on instagram and facebook as constant "Re-inventing myself, here's my new perspective on life" etc. etc., it makes me feel responsible that for some reason this girl still isn't happy. I am really into this new girl, I really like her. Maybe it's rebounding but she also just got out of a 3+ year relationship around the same time. We've been very open with each other about our exes and where we're at with everything. We talk about whether or not we're rebounding and I don't feel like we are. From what I understand, rebounding is to get over the pain of losing your recent ex. Being with this new girl actually makes it more painful, because I expected to spend some time single, and moving on so quickly makes me feel guilty, like I should be suffering more, but I'm not. I'm happy. The thing holding her back though I'm realizing is that she is afraid I'm still not over my ex. Understandable. But I've told her over and over that I am over it, I try to be honest about how I still feel kind of bad but I have zero interest in reconciling. I am with her and only thinking about her, but it doesn't seem to be convincing her. What am I doing wrong? This is new territory for me.
Brooke02 Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 2 months after a 6 yr relationship? I agree with what you said, you need more time to yourself. If your questioning if it's a rebound than your not ready, why jump into another relationship. It sounds like you still have some issues you need to work out, and you should do that first..
Redhead14 Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I have been with my new girlfriend for about a month and a half, about 2 months before that I had just broken up with my ex of 6.5 years. It's tough to say how I feel. I absolutely do not want to be with my ex, we aren't right for each other, we had a nice relationship that ran it's course. She broke up with me, and I fought it for a while, but I have done everything right in moving on and getting over it. That being said, sometimes I feel sad about it. My ex is very insecure, and I feel guilty that I've moved on and have a new girl. I feel guilty that I wasn't able to make her feel more confident in herself when we dated, and I see the stuff she posts on instagram and facebook as constant "Re-inventing myself, here's my new perspective on life" etc. etc., it makes me feel responsible that for some reason this girl still isn't happy. I am really into this new girl, I really like her. Maybe it's rebounding but she also just got out of a 3+ year relationship around the same time. We've been very open with each other about our exes and where we're at with everything. We talk about whether or not we're rebounding and I don't feel like we are. From what I understand, rebounding is to get over the pain of losing your recent ex. Being with this new girl actually makes it more painful, because I expected to spend some time single, and moving on so quickly makes me feel guilty, like I should be suffering more, but I'm not. I'm happy. The thing holding her back though I'm realizing is that she is afraid I'm still not over my ex. Understandable. But I've told her over and over that I am over it, I try to be honest about how I still feel kind of bad but I have zero interest in reconciling. I am with her and only thinking about her, but it doesn't seem to be convincing her. What am I doing wrong? This is new territory for me. You are not over your past relationship Period. She senses that in ways you aren't aware of. It comes out in ways you aren't aware of. The following quote from you proves it: "sometimes I feel sad about it. My ex is very insecure, and I feel guilty that I've moved on and have a new girl. I feel guilty that I wasn't able to make her feel more confident in herself when we dated, and I see the stuff she posts on instagram and facebook as constant "Re-inventing myself, here's my new perspective on life" etc. etc., it makes me feel responsible that for some reason this girl still isn't happy." Until that goes away, you aren't over it.
mammasita Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Total rebound. What's wrong with taking time for yourself? Your girlfriend has every reason to question where your head is.....but at the same time why the hell didn't she steer clear when you told her you were 2 months out of a 6+ year relationship. Timing is off for you my friend. You're not in the right frame of mind to nurture a new and healthy relationship.
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I have been with my new girlfriend for about a month and a half, about 2 months before that I had just broken up with my ex of 6.5 years. It's tough to say how I feel. I absolutely do not want to be with my ex, we aren't right for each other, we had a nice relationship that ran it's course. She broke up with me, and I fought it for a while, but I have done everything right in moving on and getting over it. That being said, sometimes I feel sad about it. My ex is very insecure, and I feel guilty that I've moved on and have a new girl. I feel guilty that I wasn't able to make her feel more confident in herself when we dated, and I see the stuff she posts on instagram and facebook as constant "Re-inventing myself, here's my new perspective on life" etc. etc., it makes me feel responsible that for some reason this girl still isn't happy. I am really into this new girl, I really like her. Maybe it's rebounding but she also just got out of a 3+ year relationship around the same time. We've been very open with each other about our exes and where we're at with everything. We talk about whether or not we're rebounding and I don't feel like we are. From what I understand, rebounding is to get over the pain of losing your recent ex. Being with this new girl actually makes it more painful, because I expected to spend some time single, and moving on so quickly makes me feel guilty, like I should be suffering more, but I'm not. I'm happy. The thing holding her back though I'm realizing is that she is afraid I'm still not over my ex. Understandable. But I've told her over and over that I am over it, I try to be honest about how I still feel kind of bad but I have zero interest in reconciling. I am with her and only thinking about her, but it doesn't seem to be convincing her. What am I doing wrong? This is new territory for me. Well, being in a new relationship so quickly is what you're doing wrong. You're not ready. You're still looking at what your ex is up to on facebook, which means you're not over her. You still feed sad and responsible for her happiness (despite her dumping you) which shows you're not over her. You say that being with the new girl is making you feel more rather than less pain. And then you say that you are 'with new gf, and only thinking about new gf' which is blatantly from what you've said to us, untrue! You're thinking more about your ex at this stage than the new gf and she can sense that, no matter what you say to her. It's too soon to be in a new exclusive relationship. Admittedly I moved on quickly when my exes left me (a few months after one, a couple after the other) but I had instigated 100% no contact with them and felt that dating would help me to get back out there. It worked for me, but I didn't feel responsible for the exes, I didn't even know what they were up to because I decided they were OUT of my life when they chose to dump me. I wouldn't have been in the right frame of mind for something new and serious if I was still checking up on the ex's social media feeds and feeling sad that I hadn't made them happy. You need some time for yourself, you moved into this new relationship too quickly and when it already has struggles like this so quickly, it's not a good sign that it's ever going to get any better. The best relationships start with both parties free to focus on one another and the early days shouldn't be this tough. End it and commit to being single for several months to give yourself chance to get over the ex.
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