newenglandkid Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 For those who may not remember me I was on here about 5 months ago freshly broken up with and I was a mess. I'll spare the details, but if you want the background info you can read one of my first posts here:http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/480515-having-trouble-post-bu-updates Anyway i wanted to come back and share my experiences since then as well as give some hope to those who may be going through the same pains I was when I first came on. I was a mess when this all happened, I was dependent on my ex gf and not having her was a real shock to me, something that I did not realize while I was with her. The first few weeks I was 100% depressed, I was just down in the dumps for a solid month. I lost a bunch of weight because I couldn't eat, I just didn't want to do anything because I was so upset. I came here and starting reading a few good posts that got me feeling a little better. Seriously if you only read one post make sure you read barky2's post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/418763-if-you-ve-been-broken-up-broken-hearted That helped me out a lot, I read and responded to this post probably more then any other post on here. Read it, acknowledge what he's saying and ask questions. It helps the healing process so much, trust me. Instead of writing long paragraphs listing every single thing that happened, I'll make a list of things I did that worked for me talk about that briefly. 1. Read, Write, Listen: Come on LS and do those three things. I know that helped me a lot during the post-BU for me. Like I said earlier it helps when you can talk and get advice from other people besides your family, which leads me to my second point. 2. Go see a therapist: Going to see a therapist was one of the best things I did right after the breakup. I thought initially that going to see a therapist was lame and something I didn't need. But after I felt depressed for longer than 2 weeks, I realized that maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to see someone. So I went to see a therapist, and like I said it was awesome. She helped me through a lot of the underlying problems with me and my ex. I saw her for about 2 months, starting with 2 days a week and then eventually just one day a week. I highly recommend seeing a therapist if your depressed about your recent BU. 3. Work out: Working out definitely helped me out after the breakup. I had always worked out before, but I took it to another level after the breakup. I did a LOT of running, and like I said running or working out made me (temporarily) forget about the breakup. (sidenote: I'm training for my first marathon coming up in may, and it was right around the here when I decided I was going to start the training for it.) 4. Pick up a hobby: If you haven't noticed the trend yet, keeping yourself busy is the key to getting over your ex. About 2 weeks after the breakup I called up one of my old baseball coaches and asked if he needed any help coaching. He did and he let me act as assistant coach for his summer AAU team. Honestly along with the therapy, this was another GREAT source of distraction and enjoyment for me. For a period of time in the day i was able to put my ex out of my head and focus on baseball. Again I highly recommend coaching, or any other kind of hobby (one with other people would be best) 5. Rebounds are ok!: About 6 weeks after the breakup I went to the bar with some of my friends for the 4th of July holiday and saw this cute girl at the bar. To make a long story short, we hooked up pretty much all summer. I will preface saying that I told her I wasn't looking for a relationship, and she was fine with that which was awesome. Anyway we were hooking up/hanging out most of the summer, partly because I really wasn't looking for a relationship but I also was starting to enjoy being single and having the option of saying "no". As long as both parties understand the situation, I say rebounds are totally fine. 6. Block her/end all communications with her: I stupidly kept talking to my ex after the breakup and kept on talking to her for about 2-3 months before I was fed up. In that time, I found out she already met somebody and eventually starting dating him (starting dating on my birthday which was a real kick to the balls). After I found out she was official with this guy, I cut her out and told her that we should stop talking and only if she wanted to get back together then we could start talking. Doing that made me quit thinking about all the mind games, and made me realize the situation. She was dating someone else now and theres nothing I can do about it. Sucks but it is what it is. That's it, I mean those are the six things that really helped me out recently. As of today, she is still with that guy (only reason I know that is because mutual friend of ours put up a picture of them on social media). I am enjoying being single and living my life, I'm about 99.9999999% over my ex. I do love her but if I'm being honest with myself, she most likely was talking with this guy while we were still together which sucks. We had talked about moving in, marriage and all that jazz, and then out of the blue she ends it. So yeah, mostly over her. Not sure what I'd do if she asked to get back together, although reading from other posters getting back together would probably be a bad idea. Anyway I hope this post helped someone, I wanted to do this because a lot of posters who went through something similar came back and helped posters out and I wanted to do the same. So if you guys (or gals) have any questions or want to leave feedback, leave a comment!! Thanks for reading! 3
Dopefish333 Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I'm happy for you man, I feel like I'm stuck in the same garbage you were except my ex isn't dating and doesn't want too. Here is my post: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/499122-i-need-stuck-limbo-5-yr-relationship I almost want her to start dating so I can just go NC like you did, its kind of that final kick in the butt to be like "Ya this is it, there's no chance now" I'v been stuck in limbo with her for a couple months and things are not moving forward. I'm sure you know what I mean, I guess I still feel there is hope one day. Every time I feel like I'm moving on and having a good day, I see her text me something, either asking how my day is or sending me a picture of her. It hurts, but I don't think she realizes it does and I sure as heck have not shown her it does. I did have a talk with her last week (as you can read in my posts) telling her how I felt, how well I have improved, and I want us to take another shot at it, I said this in person. She seemed to be relived and happy that I realize where we went wrong, I told her I needed space to myself, but a few days later..she texts me a picture of herself late at night, I didn't respond till the next day, and then every day after that she has been contacting me and I have been responding. Things will all work out in the end.
Author newenglandkid Posted November 3, 2014 Author Posted November 3, 2014 Hey man so I read your post and previous thread, sorry about the breakup man. 5 years is a long time but you seem to have a good handle of YOURSELF which is good. Honestly though it sounds like your ex may just be trying to string you along right now. You've been telling her how much you've changed and while she may seem happy with that, I don't think she's ready to get back with you quite yet. Honestly being with someone for 5 years is significant and i think she may just be trying to keep you around until she feels comfortable going out and seeing other people. If I were you, next time she tries to contact you I'd tell her like "We need to figure out what's going on with us, do you see us getting back together? Yes or no?" It may seem blunt to come out and say it but you'll put her in a spot where you'll know where she is at, and there won't be any confusion. Hope everything works out for the best for you bud, keep me posted!
Dopefish333 Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Holy cow man you literally read my mind, I was going to ask you how you decided to cut off contact and what you told her when it happened. I just don't want to hurt her feelings and yes I believe she isn't ready eather. Thanks for the reply I'll have to use that line or somthing similar.
Author newenglandkid Posted November 4, 2014 Author Posted November 4, 2014 Holy cow man you literally read my mind, I was going to ask you how you decided to cut off contact and what you told her when it happened. I just don't want to hurt her feelings and yes I believe she isn't ready eather. Thanks for the reply I'll have to use that line or somthing similar. Yeah man, I mean barky2 and a lot of the posters here helped me get to that point, but personally I was just sick and tired of all the mind games I was playing with myself. It wasn't healthy, I would literally think of ways to make my self seem more desirable to her (SO STUPID LOOKING BACK ON IT NOW), but then with the help of some of some of the posters I finally got the guts to tell her how it needed to be. First few days sucked, but everyday honestly got better and after a few weeks I began not thinking about her as much as I did. Honestly that feeling you have now is not going to go away tomorrow, you have to work everyday not to let it effect you. You got it man! Trust me if I can get through this, anyone can!! (Sidenote: ex texted me for the first time in about 2 months today with a breadcrumb. I blew out my tire and I guess she heard that from a mutual friend. She said that she blew her tire out too and how funny that is. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW PISSED I AM/WAS that she thought after two months of NC and after telling her how it needed to be, she could just text something so meaningless. Earlier I would have been playing mind games with myself and trying to read into her texting me. Now I just let it pass without any consideration what so ever.) 1
Dopefish333 Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 (edited) She sent me a text today saying "I wanted to come over Friday night and cuddle but I didn't". I'm thinking in my head wtf is she thinking sending me this and does she really think I'm an idiot, but I was like hey, now I can send her that text I wanted too, this is the perfect opportunity. I literally word for word typed back "We need to figure out what's going on with us, do you see us getting back together? Yes or no?" She texted back "Down the road I do" At this point I'm pissed off she thinks I'm just going to wait around for her. I text back "I'm not going to wait for you. I'm at a position now where I feel good. I can turn around and never look back. The answer from you is no. I'm ok with it" Now we are in business! She texts back saying "The answer from me is not NO. I DO care about you, love you and miss you a lot. I don't want to be a distraction for you, especially with the cop thing. I want you to do good" I didn't respond after this, I'm more angry than anything. She thinks she's going to distract me? I cant wait till she comes begging. I'm not sad anymore, I'm just happy to get down to this. She knows now that I mean business, I know for a FACT she's going to try to contact me again. I don't even know if I'm willing to reconcile at this point, that's how gone I am. She is now going to know what it feels like to lose me. She's going to have to show up at my front door to get me back at this point. I just blocked her number and blocked her from facebook. (I just unblocked her number I felt wicked guilty) Time to move on. That breadcrumb from your ex is asinine. Edited November 4, 2014 by Dopefish333
Author newenglandkid Posted November 4, 2014 Author Posted November 4, 2014 She sent me a text today saying "I wanted to come over Friday night and cuddle but I didn't". I'm thinking in my head wtf is she thinking sending me this and does she really think I'm an idiot, but I was like hey, now I can send her that text I wanted too, this is the perfect opportunity. I literally word for word typed back "We need to figure out what's going on with us, do you see us getting back together? Yes or no?" She texted back "Down the road I do" At this point I'm pissed off she thinks I'm just going to wait around for her. I text back "I'm not going to wait for you. I'm at a position now where I feel good. I can turn around and never look back. The answer from you is no. I'm ok with it" Now we are in business! She texts back saying "The answer from me is not NO. I DO care about you, love you and miss you a lot. I don't want to be a distraction for you, especially with the cop thing. I want you to do good" I didn't respond after this, I'm more angry than anything. She thinks she's going to distract me? I cant wait till she comes begging. I'm not sad anymore, I'm just happy to get down to this. She knows now that I mean business, I know for a FACT she's going to try to contact me again. I don't even know if I'm willing to reconcile at this point, that's how gone I am. She is now going to know what it feels like to lose me. She's going to have to show up at my front door to get me back at this point. I just blocked her number and blocked her from facebook. (I just unblocked her number I felt wicked guilty) Time to move on. That breadcrumb from your ex is asinine. Good for you man it seems like your starting to get it, she is treating you like an old winter jacket. "I do care about you" and "I do see us together down the road"...as messed up as it sounds she is playing you. Basically saying if I can't find someone better then I'll just settle with you that's why shes keeping you around. I'm glad you sent that to her and blocked her! Now she is going to have to come to grips with the situation and you will know sooner rather then later what her true intentions are. Please though do not contact her, even if she contacts you!! If you do, she'll see right through you and continue to keep playing you. Let me know how everything goes! You can do it man!!
Dopefish333 Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I'm just in a weird place right now. I'm not even upset about the breakup anymore. I'm pissed off that someone I was with for so long could string me along like this. Maybe even she doesn't even know she's doing it. Do you really think someone would go out of there way to do this? THAT I'm in denial about I will admit. I'm looking back now at all the bread crumbs she would send me. When I had a talk with her last Tuesday (a week ago) I didn't contact her or see her at all for a couple days which is what I wanted. She then sent me a couple texts of her in bed late at night a couple days later and I didn't respond because I didn't no what to say, I didn't respond till the next day. (No nudes). Every day or couple days she would ALWAYS send me something, either pictures or asking me how my day was, or what I was up too. This whole "I wanted to come over and cuddle that night but I didn't blah blah" is what really set me off. How dumb does she think I am. I'm more pissed off that she tarnished my attitude towards her. This is HER fault she did this. Now I'm on the fence of whether I would ever take her back. I said earlier that I blocked her number, but I unblocked it because I felt bad for some reason and it didn't seem right. I will do it though if I have too. Although, it would force her to find me and talk to me in person, that would say a lot. If she wants me back, its going to have to be sooner than later, because every day I'm slipping away from her, I'm almost ready to start dating again, but I think its too early right now, I wouldn't feel right.
dclan Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 For those who may not remember me I was on here about 5 months ago freshly broken up with and I was a mess. I'll spare the details, but if you want the background info you can read one of my first posts here:http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/480515-having-trouble-post-bu-updates Anyway i wanted to come back and share my experiences since then as well as give some hope to those who may be going through the same pains I was when I first came on. I was a mess when this all happened, I was dependent on my ex gf and not having her was a real shock to me, something that I did not realize while I was with her. The first few weeks I was 100% depressed, I was just down in the dumps for a solid month. I lost a bunch of weight because I couldn't eat, I just didn't want to do anything because I was so upset. I came here and starting reading a few good posts that got me feeling a little better. Seriously if you only read one post make sure you read barky2's post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/418763-if-you-ve-been-broken-up-broken-hearted That helped me out a lot, I read and responded to this post probably more then any other post on here. Read it, acknowledge what he's saying and ask questions. It helps the healing process so much, trust me. Instead of writing long paragraphs listing every single thing that happened, I'll make a list of things I did that worked for me talk about that briefly. 1. Read, Write, Listen: Come on LS and do those three things. I know that helped me a lot during the post-BU for me. Like I said earlier it helps when you can talk and get advice from other people besides your family, which leads me to my second point. 2. Go see a therapist: Going to see a therapist was one of the best things I did right after the breakup. I thought initially that going to see a therapist was lame and something I didn't need. But after I felt depressed for longer than 2 weeks, I realized that maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to see someone. So I went to see a therapist, and like I said it was awesome. She helped me through a lot of the underlying problems with me and my ex. I saw her for about 2 months, starting with 2 days a week and then eventually just one day a week. I highly recommend seeing a therapist if your depressed about your recent BU. 3. Work out: Working out definitely helped me out after the breakup. I had always worked out before, but I took it to another level after the breakup. I did a LOT of running, and like I said running or working out made me (temporarily) forget about the breakup. (sidenote: I'm training for my first marathon coming up in may, and it was right around the here when I decided I was going to start the training for it.) 4. Pick up a hobby: If you haven't noticed the trend yet, keeping yourself busy is the key to getting over your ex. About 2 weeks after the breakup I called up one of my old baseball coaches and asked if he needed any help coaching. He did and he let me act as assistant coach for his summer AAU team. Honestly along with the therapy, this was another GREAT source of distraction and enjoyment for me. For a period of time in the day i was able to put my ex out of my head and focus on baseball. Again I highly recommend coaching, or any other kind of hobby (one with other people would be best) 5. Rebounds are ok!: About 6 weeks after the breakup I went to the bar with some of my friends for the 4th of July holiday and saw this cute girl at the bar. To make a long story short, we hooked up pretty much all summer. I will preface saying that I told her I wasn't looking for a relationship, and she was fine with that which was awesome. Anyway we were hooking up/hanging out most of the summer, partly because I really wasn't looking for a relationship but I also was starting to enjoy being single and having the option of saying "no". As long as both parties understand the situation, I say rebounds are totally fine. 6. Block her/end all communications with her: I stupidly kept talking to my ex after the breakup and kept on talking to her for about 2-3 months before I was fed up. In that time, I found out she already met somebody and eventually starting dating him (starting dating on my birthday which was a real kick to the balls). After I found out she was official with this guy, I cut her out and told her that we should stop talking and only if she wanted to get back together then we could start talking. Doing that made me quit thinking about all the mind games, and made me realize the situation. She was dating someone else now and theres nothing I can do about it. Sucks but it is what it is. That's it, I mean those are the six things that really helped me out recently. As of today, she is still with that guy (only reason I know that is because mutual friend of ours put up a picture of them on social media). I am enjoying being single and living my life, I'm about 99.9999999% over my ex. I do love her but if I'm being honest with myself, she most likely was talking with this guy while we were still together which sucks. We had talked about moving in, marriage and all that jazz, and then out of the blue she ends it. So yeah, mostly over her. Not sure what I'd do if she asked to get back together, although reading from other posters getting back together would probably be a bad idea. Anyway I hope this post helped someone, I wanted to do this because a lot of posters who went through something similar came back and helped posters out and I wanted to do the same. So if you guys (or gals) have any questions or want to leave feedback, leave a comment!! Thanks for reading! I'm happy for you, hope it goes well!!!
mefisto Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 5. Rebounds are ok!: About 6 weeks after the breakup I went to the bar with some of my friends for the 4th of July holiday and saw this cute girl at the bar. To make a long story short, we hooked up pretty much all summer. I will preface saying that I told her I wasn't looking for a relationship, and she was fine with that which was awesome. Anyway we were hooking up/hanging out most of the summer, partly because I really wasn't looking for a relationship but I also was starting to enjoy being single and having the option of saying "no". As long as both parties understand the situation, I say rebounds are totally fine. I guess you are good looking, self-assured guy, who have a lot of friends and can easily use a unknown cute girl as a rebound. If so, you know nothing about real post-breakup suffering. I was on 4 dates for now and all of them failed miserably, each one of them made feel like an hopeless worthless creep, who can't possibly attract cute girls. I feel like relationship with my ex was a lucky exception, for which i paid price so high that now i wish it never did happen. Also, before breakup i had only two friends and now i have zero, because of them cheated with my ex and the other in the army now. I feel like i am alone in the whole world and nobody will ever understand what i am going through. I actually did a lot things to move on, including hobby and therapist. Nothing helps, im stuck in my suffering. This is indless misery. I wish i was one of you guys with friends and rebounds, who don't care about breakups, because they can find next girl anytime anywhere.
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