neowulf Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I'm turning 36 this week. Never engaged, never married. No children. About 3 months ago, my last 2 1/2 year relationship ended. I was sad, but not hugely broken up about it. However, it also made me consider that it's been a very long time since I was broken up over any relationship. I worry that some how I've become damaged. That I am unable to really connect, to feel "love" in the fullest sense. I feel disconnected. Fatalistic. Like all relationships eventually end, why bother becoming overly attached. Like despite how hard I've tried to learn from my mistakes, tried to grow as a person, nothing ever changes. The endings always come and I'm always powerless to stop them. I've finally reached the point where I feel so shutdown, I can't even comprehend dating. I can't comprehend marriage, or children. I don't see any way forward. I just roll from day to day, with no idea what happens next. I worry I've lost the ability to love another person the way they deserve to be loved. I worry I'm too broken to start over again. Has anyone else felt this way? Reached a point where they just looked at themselves and thought "well, this is it then? My lot in life." I guess I just wondered about others experience. How they found a way forward. 2
MissMoneyPenny Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 That's just how I feel. I could have made better choices when choosing BFs so next time I'm going to choose a LOT better and hope I find what I have been missing. I'm 34, no children, never engaged too. 1
Toodaloo Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Yep - screwed up with the last two as I settled for what would have me rather than having any respect for myself. Both were disasters and both caused even more damage than was already there... Then I met a man who was separated. Fell head over heals and in just a month felt more than I had in years. As it goes I was his buffer gal and now it just sucks. But at least I know what I need to do to get over him. I am working on it and thinking about casually dating again soon to remind myself that there is life out there, and there is hope. Take time out. Rediscover yourself and go have fun. You will find that as soon as you start to feel better about yourself these worries start to fade away. 1
JDPT Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 It has been roughly 1.5 years post BU for me and I still refuse to believe that this will be me for remainder of my days. In this time I haven't been able to connect with anyone at all and its simply because I decided not to. I'm just not the same anymore and question myself on a daily basis what it is that I need to do to be happy again. I has never taken met this long to get over someone, even when my ex wife and I separated it took newer no time to get back into the swing push things but I feel as if this last relationship has drained the life out of me. I just need to keep going hopefully I've day I'll come out of this perpetuating funk. 1
Author neowulf Posted November 3, 2014 Author Posted November 3, 2014 Thanks to everyone who took the time to reply. Sometimes it's nice to know you're not alone in these things. I hope each of you finds some relief in your own journeys.
Atmosphere77 Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I'm 37 and in the same boat as you. Just ended a 2.5 year relationship 6 weeks ago. She was the closest feeling of being loved I have ever felt. I unfortunately am emotionally damaged from past breakups and a bad childhood. I'm realizing this more and more after we failed. I didn't verbally say I love you, I didn't complement enough. I thought I could show it physically. She started slowly pulling away and I took her for granted. I thought if she really loves me it will all be fine. As she got further away, I started pulling away myself instead of discussing what was happening. She's gone, except for the occasionally breadcrumbs. I still have hope for happiness. I can't see finding someone who was as compatible though. Before I screwed it up anyway
ralfgarnett Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Yep I know the feeling only too well, I separated from my wife of 17 years in July we have been together 20 years, I am still in shock never saw it coming, the way I feel at the moment I don't care if I ever meet or connect with another woman ever again, even the thought of physical intimacy with any woman is of no interest to me, I am 50 in a few weeks and often feel as though this is my lot maybe for life, I know you should never let anyone effect you so much that you feel this way but it is honestly how I feel right now and since July
Recommended Posts