Husband is cheating but he won't admit to it!

[Intuition101]

Hello all. I'm new to love shack and first time poster. So if if I do anything wrong, please bare with me.

 

Let me give you a little background. I've been married for 13 years. If I had to describe my marriage in one word, the word would be roller coaster. When it's good, it's good, but when it's bad, it's HELL!

 

About three years into our marriage I got this nagging feeling/intuition something wasn't right. I was at a crucial point in my life as I was facing debilitating neurological problems at my young age. Cheating never crossed my mind Bc he always talked about how cheating destroyed his childhood and he would never do that and young nieve me believed him.

 

Long story short, I found out he was cheating with his HS girlfriend by putting a voice recorder in his truck. We separated for a few months. We were in the process of trying to fix things when I found out I was pregnant with our third child.

 

Fast forward to about 2.5 years ago. I had just unexpectedly lost my precious momma. Losing her devastating me. We were very close, she was truly my best friend. I was grieving and trying to face each day without my best friend when the dreaded gut feeling returned that something was going on with my husband.

 

For about 6 months I tried to ignore it and prayed and begged God that it would just go away. I had enough on my plate than to have to deal with this too. I finally prayed that if the feeling was right and it wasn't going to go away that God would show me a sign.

 

One day while sorting my H laundry I noticed a light brown medium length kinky curly hair on his work shirt. Upon further inspection, I found several of the same kinky curly hair. My hair is much longer and dark brown and stick straight. I checked his other clothes and the same kinky hairs were on all his clothes he wore to work, even on his boxers. Immediately I had a pretty good idea who the home wrecker was but at that point I wasn't positive.

 

My H doesn't work at your typical 9-5 job. He is a supervisor for a company that subcontracts with electric companies to clear trees from the electric lines. He has several crews that work under him. His job is to supervise these crews and work with his crew leaders to get the jobs done. He is not with his men all day, other than first thing early morning. The rest of his day he is in work truck alone taking care of other things. All of his employees are men.

 

Right before my mom passed away, he came home furious that one of the electric companies ( the main one he works for) had hired a female to draw out his maps and plan the trees ahead of time, he called her a "Tree Counter". He said it wasn't A good idea to hire a female to work around all men. He would come home almost daily complaining that she did this or she did that until it got to the point he no longer complained about her, he never said nothing about her anymore.

 

After dealing with the dreaded shock and the not again feeling, I finally broke down and called a dear friend to confide in. I told her about the intuition and then the curly hairs all over his work clothes and she said I know exactly who "she" is. Her boyfriend had briefly worked under my H about six months prior. She then continued to tell me that her BF came home and told her that he saw the "Tree Counter" riding in my H truck almost everyday and all day.

 

The other men on the crews would talk about how they were having a affair and that he should tell me(her BF). I couldn't believe she didn't come to me with this info before. She said her BF said he didn't know if the rumors were really true and he didn't want to cause any problems or lose his job. I took some time to process everything and never said a word to my H Bc I didn't want him to know I was on to him.

 

I payed closer attention to things that had been right in front of my face before. Our sex life used to be very active, from 3-4 times a week to once a week if I was lucky. One morning after we had sex the night before, he woke up before the alarm went off and walked into the bathroom and closed the door (it's connected to our bedroom). I walked in to find him washing himself off down there. He lied and said he was washing his face and dropped the washcloth as I walked in. Then I realized he would even changed his boxers after we would have sex I asked him and he lied and said he doesn't change them. He has even went as far as to put the boxers he had on (after sex) in the dryer with his other clothes, put new boxers on, go to work, come home, put the other ones back on and think I don't know he changed in the first place.

 

I tried to figure out a way to bust him. It's so hard because of the way he works. His cell phone is through his work, and so is his truck. He said he had to go out of town for a meeting and I decided to put a voice recorder in his truck. The meeting was about 3.5- 4 hours away and he said it started at 10:00 so he left about 5:00 am that morning. When I got the recorder out, you could hear him talking to someone but with all the background noise I had a hard time hearing her or making out what she said, but I could hear him good because he is loud spoken, and she is real soft spoken. I could tell when he was on the phone because he would turn his audio book off but when he got off the phone he would barely turn it back up.

 

I heard him just talking about random things, I heard her say "when was the last time you were with her" and he replied" it's been a while" (which it had). Then you can hear him go off the main road onto a very bumpy road. He then said, "There is no where to pull off, just suck it." You can hear his pants unzip and him shuffle to pull them down. Then you hear him whisper, "Just take it slow." I couldn't hear any moaning or anything because of the background noise of his truck running and etc.

 

I didn't know how to go about telling him what I had just heard because I knew he would try his best to lie and wouldn't admit anything and I didn't want him to know I had put a recorder in his truck.

 

I regret it now, but I told him his phone had called me without him knowing and I heard everything. I told him everything I had heard and he lied and acted like everything I had said was made up, like he had no idea what I was talking about. I made a huge mistake Bc he knew I had put a voice recorder in his truck ( he knew his phone didn't call me) and so from that point on he was extra cautious. I waited until the next week and left the recorder in his truck for two days.

 

On the first day, first thing that morning, you can hear him talking to some of his employees. He gets one of his crews started each morning. After the crews left I heard him shuffling his stuff around. Then I hear his truck door open he says, "Hey beautiful." She says, "I'm a mess today," and he tells her to get in and tell her to put her stuff down in the floor board.

 

Then his phone started ringing, he had a busy morning because all of his employees had to call in with their monthly expenses, so he stayed on the phone for a good two hours. In between calls, you can hear whispering but can't make out what he is saying. He did slip up and say, "hold this for me," while on a call.

 

He already was suspicious of the recorder so he was very careful. I had the recorders scheduled to record for 12 hours on both days, after he got done with all the calls, I could hear more whispering, then hear him shuffling his stuff around, reach in the zipped folder where I had placed the recorder, get it out and turn it off. The next day, it recorded the full 12 hours like it was supposed to. I could hear whispering all day, and then right before she got out, he turned his truck off so I could hear real good. You can hear them whispering, she said, "I love you," he replied " I love you more."

 

I heard "I don't know what we're going to do" He even showed her where the recorder was and unzipped the folder to show her. Then I heard her get out and even heard her vehicle start up. I confronted him and I'm ashamed to write the pure BS lies he told me. As far as the "meeting" he claimed he was playing his handheld game, and got mad and said "suck it" and then said "take it slow" talking to himself to try to get to the next world. I tried to replay where I could hear her ask when was the last time he was with me but couldn't hear her because when I heard it the first time, I had the volume down really low. You couldn't hear her unless you had it real low and up to your ear. The next recording where you can clearly hear both of them, he said he looked in the mirror and said, "hey beautiful" to himself and claimed he started to turn the volume on his audio book back up, and the voice I heard from "I'm a mess" was it.

 

He even went as far as to find the word "mess" on the audiobook to convince me. I know this is super long but I have well over 2 years worth of this misery. Anyways, I left him, last V day to be exact. He maintained his innocence although I know better and have even more proof than I mentioned. His step dad works at his company and even had him to call me regarding the "meeting".

 

That backfired because his Stepdad lives in the same town as us, but was just leaving the house when my H was already in the city where the meeting was. His stepdad didn't even leave until around 8:30 and I also found out that the meeting didn't start until 12:00-12:30. He maintains his innocence, and refuses to admit to anything. I have no family, have always been a SAHM so I have no $$, and was pretty much forced to go back home, and my two younger boys wanted to go back home so I tried to give it one last try for them.

 

I thought I know the truth, and he knows that I know whether he wants to admit it or not and if he cares then he would stop.

 

Well... Fast forward to today....he never stopped...only continued ...but became even more sneaky and deceitful than before. He doesn't know but I had a way of tracking him via gps on his iPad so I knew every time he lied about his whereabouts, but now I can't use it because Apple sent him a email saying another device logged into his find my iPhone and he changed the password. I have tried to follow him a couple times but both times had to be home for my kids or to talk to him and never saw nothing.

 

Other than after following him and knowing his exact whereabouts he lied about where he has been all day. I am miserable. Imagine knowing all this, and dealing with it on a daily basis. It's affected me as a person for a long time, but now it even affecting me as a mom. I feel like I am trapped. I need the proof and can't seem to get enough proof that he would admit to anything. He is very abusive, both mentally and physically, but more mentally.

 

He has tried to switch all this to me like I'm the one cheating and has convinced our 10 year old son of this. So in ordered to leave, and take my son with me, I have to have PROOF that he can't lie out of. I've seen spyware you can purchase and download on his phone, but I don't have the $$ to buy it. If the spyware works, that would be all I need.

 

So, what would you do if you were me? Tell me, I'm not crazy, and he is indeed cheating. I have too much proof that proves he is. I just don't understand why my children and I have to deal with this. What did we do to deserve this? He went from being a fairly involved dad to hardly no involvement. He has never been involved with me per say. I couldn't tell you when the last time he has took me out, it's been years, he never compliments but rather puts me down and complains, and starts ransom arguments.

 

He is Mr. top Notch at his job and at home, he seriously plays his game all weekend. I don't know how much longer I can deal with this, I really don't. Any advice? Any ideas on how to bust his ass red handed? PLEASE?

 

Thank you for taking the time to read such a LONG post.

Edited November 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[CarrieT]

And my answer would be to lawyer-up as soon as possible. He has a good job and you should file for divorce and support.

Edited November 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Mr. Lucky]

And my answer would be to lawyer-up as soon as possible. He has a good job and you should file for divorce and support.

Agreed.

 

I'm confused. What motivation or power would more proof give you that you don't have now? Cheaters will always lie and deny. You could catch them red-handed and he would swear he was giving her CPR.

 

Is it fear or evidence holding you back ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[Intuition101]

The reason why I want to catch him red handed is

1. He has turned EVERYTHING to me, like I'm the cheater and trying to come up with a reason to leave.

2. He has brainwashed my son into believing this. I refuse to leave without all three of my babies, not just two.

3. When I do get proof he can't lie his way out of, I'm going to forward said proof to his employer and the home wreckers employer to show them what they've been paying them for.

Thank you CarrieT for making my LONG Post readable.

I know reading this it looks like a open/shut case. It is. I know he has been cheating and continues to cheat. The MAIN reason I need more proof like photos or something else is to show my son that Mommy is right, and he needs to come with me. I don't blame my son, he is just a child that is confused. I don't involve my children unlike the H does. He involves the children to empower himself and to belittle me more I think.

I feel trapped with no options. BUT I REFUSE TO LIVE LIKE THIS ANY LONGER. I Stumbled across love shack and I am so glad I found it. If it brings nothing else, a place to vent and seek advice is heaven sent for me, Bc all this time I've had all this bottled up with no one to turn to.

[Intuition101]

CarrieT, I haven't talked to a lawyer yet. I'm not even aware of the laws here in Ky. We have been married for so long that aside from child support I would think he would have to pay me some type of support as well, wouldn't he?

Honestly, I don't want nothing but my babies and our belongings and my vehicle. He can have the rest.

He has turned stuff around to me so much I know he monitors just about everything I do. I can honestly say, though he does NOT deserve it but I have been faithful our whole marriage. I wouldn't slope to his level for it.

He has mentally abused me and brow beat me so much I lost all belief in myself. He tells me everyday, you couldn't make it without me. I've allowed him to treat me this way, I know. I am READY to do whatever it takes to take back control of my life, and give my children and I a happy life for once. I just feel so overwhelmed and lost.

[mrs rubble]

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this.

You and your children's happiness is all that really matters now.

I agree with Carrie, get a lawyer a really good one.

The fact that your husband is involving a 10yo child in adult issues is abusive in itself and your child will no doubt suffer for it. I know this as my ex was constantly bad-mouthing me to my son who was 7yo at the time.

One day your 10yo will know the truth for himself and I doubt it'll take too long, my 7yo was 12 when he realized his father had been lying to him all along.

If I were you, I'd get hold of a local women's refuge and ask them for some advice in moving forward.

You do not desrve to live like this, neither do your children.

[Timmos]

Is there anyone who could help you pay for a private investigator?

[Intuition101]

Thank you for your kind kind Mrs rubble.

I absolutely agree with you.

I def need to check in and see if I can get some legal aide for a good lawyer

Bc that is the only way I could get one.

Thank you so much for sharing about your son.

I pray for the day my son realizes and I pray

That my younger son Is not included in our problems and manipulated as well.

I dont know of any refuges around my small town

But I'm sure some has to exist

Thank you for taking the time to reach out to me and try to help me.

It means so much to me.

Timmos, I wish I had someone that could help me hire a P.i.

But sadly I don't. When I lost my mom,

I lost everything.

I called to inquire and could not believe how expensive a P.I. Is.

That's why I think if the cell phone spyware is legit

I could get the undeniable facts from it.

But then again, I run into not having the $$ to purchase one

If they did work.

My H knows this. He knows I have no $$ Bc he controls EVERYTHING

He also knows I have no one to help me.

Thank you Timmos for commenting.

And trying to help. I have tried to keep

My faith even though each day it gets harder.

I pray my prayers will be answered sooner than later.

[Mr. Lucky]

The MAIN reason I need more proof like photos or something else is to show my son that Mommy is right, and he needs to come with me. I don't blame my son, he is just a child that is confused. I don't involve my children unlike the H does. He involves the children to empower himself and to belittle me more I think.

The LAST thing you want to do is show a 10-year old pictures of parental infidelity. The reasons should be obvious.

 

You need a lawyer both for protection and strategy. Divorce is in many ways the opposite of marriage (duh!) and much in a successful approach to dissolution is counter-intuitive to someone who's been married for 13 years.

 

Slow down, think and get some professional advice...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Intuition101]

Mr.Lucky

 

I obviously wouldn't show my son. You have no idea how convincing

and smooth my H is. I'm an adult and he makes me question

my own self and my own sanity. My point is IF I had some type

of proof that is undeniable then the H couldn't deny and

turn everythingto me.

 

I absolutely agree with you and will Def seek legal

advice. I have tried to slow down and not make any eratic

decision as I know the safety of my children and myself is

at risk. Thats why I am still here living in misery this very

minute I write this.

 

Thank you again for taking the time to advise me

and help me. You have helped me a lot.

[Intuition101]

I just read how I worded my post.

I didn't mean to actually "show" him.

I should of used the word "prove".

My nerves stay so shot and I

stay so upset and honestly sick

I dont know how I function.

My kid's have been through enough,

I would never try to hurt them anymore

than they have been hurt or anymore

than a divorce is going to hurt them.

 

The kids and I NEVER asked for any of this.

However we are the ones that are paying.

[solostand]

There has GOT to be a women's shelter somewhere in your area. They would take you and your children in as you are CLEARLY being abused by this man.

 

They offer secret counselling as well if you can't go. You need to speak to someone objective and they WILL help you. Trust me, I've been there and they saved my life and offered all the ears I needed. The best thing about it is you don't have to hide anything from them out of shame - they know how the drip drip of loss of self esteem works and they've heard everything.

[EverySunset]

you.need.to.lawyer.up.now.

 

What your H is doing is called parental alienation and judges come down like a ton of bricks when they see it. Your lawyer will tell you what to do. And proof, or lack of what you consider to be proof is in no way necessary.

 

That lawyer will tell you if it even matters.

 

But what does matter is your health, your sanity, and those of your children. Go to a lawyer now. Borrow, sell something, whatever you have to do. He is cheating on you, no question. So not under any circumstances sleep with him for any reason whatsoever.

 

And get to a lawyer to find out how to move forward. Please, for the children he is corrupting every minute you stay. NOW.

[beach]

I think your Mom is helping you realize the man you're married to doesn't deserve you.

 

Advice? File for divorce. Request child and spousal support. Talk to H as little as possible.

 

Move and find work and begin a new life - a happy one just for you and your boys!

[TrustedthenBusted]

Where I live ( and I think in most places ) it doesn't matter if anyone is cheating. If the issue is you want a divorce, just start the process. WHy stick around trying to make him admit something he isn't going to?

 

You don't need PROOF of anything to get divorced.

[Lovebug66]

Intuition,

 

I am very sorry you are going thru this. I agree that you are being abused by your H and there are many resources you can contact that can help you with legal aid, financial assistance etc. I know how it can feel insurmountable, but if you make the first step in reaching out, they will know how to help you.

 

A website that has been very helpful to me is outofthefog.net. Great articles, a great glossary that explains a lot of typical traits, and great ways to respond to his crazy making and take care of yourself. Just a word of caution, it is technically a support site for people who love someone with a personality disorder and they go into detail about all kinds of PDs. I found when visiting that I wanted to diagnose my WH, but that kept my focus on him instead of me. It really doesn't matter what is wrong with him, all I needed to do was understand our unhealthy dynamic and how I was going to get thru this as a better person.

 

Big hugs, you can get thru this!

[pteromom]

LAWYER.

 

NOW.

 

You have more power in this situation than you realize.

 

You need to get to an attorney so that you can learn what your options are.

 

If you have child support and alimony and custody on your side, you have a lot of bargaining tools.

 

You start out asking for EVERYTHING. Then you negotiate down to what you really want.

 

If what you really want is your truck and custody, then it's easy enough to say "OK, I will let go of wanting half the furniture and half of your 401K if you concede on trying to get custody of our son."

 

done.

 

And an attorney can help you do that. He will know your rights and how to fight.

 

You don't need more proof. You are driving yourself crazy listening to 12 hour recordings, when you know he is going to deny anything you hear.

 

Even if you put a GPS tracker on his truck, follow him to where he is, and walk in on her on top of him, he's going to come up with some kind of story explaining it, or blame it on you somehow.

 

You've been through enough. Now it is time for ACTION instead of reaction.

[Lovebug66]

A couple of things I wanted to add, proof means nothing to people like your WH. They will find a way to spin it. My WH was (is) also an addict. Before the cheating, I KNEW he was using again, but my confrontations meant nothing without proof. Ok I thought, I will find the proof, then everything will be out there and he can't deny it and it can start being fixed. Or if he was unwilling to do anything about it, I had 100% reason to leave. I found the proof, dropped his pills in his lap and said your using or our marriage ends now. That lead to one of the worst nights of my life. I was curled up sobbing uncontrollably for hours while he completely broke me emotionally. He'd turn our son against me, he'd eff me over royally, veiled and not so veiled threats of what would happen to me if I left. He was backed into a corner and came out swinging with everything he had, and I was not strong enough to counter.

 

I'm not saying this as an insult, please don't take it that way, but I don't think you are strong enough either to handle that right now. There is NO shame in admitting that, really it is the first step to changing your situation. Once you have enough confidence in yourself that you don't deserve to be treated the way you are being treated, proof won't matter as much. I know I wanted proof because I thought it would quiet that little nagging voice in my head was still saying, you're crazy, this isn't happening. Well, that voice was quieted and replaced by a really loud one that told me how pathetic and what a loser I was. That gave him even more control than he had before.

 

I also saw that you are a woman of faith. This is another good website I was refered to, luke173ministries.org. Once again, technically it is for adult daughters with abusive family members, but it applies to any abusive relationship. It has been very empowering for me.

[sidney2718]

You don't need more evidence. Kentucky is a no fault divorce state. All you need do is file for a divorce. Check

 

Divorce in Kentucky | Nolo.com

 

And you do NOT want your husband to lose his job. You want him able to pay the child support and spousal support that you are entitled to. Remember, you do not want revenge, you want a divorce. Seriously.

 

Remember, he knows what he's done. He knows that you know. You don't need to prove anything to anybody. Accusing him of infidelity won't change a thing in the divorce.

 

I'm sorry that you are in this position. I hope you find the strength to go through with the divorce.

[whichwayisup]

He is lying to you, gas lighting you, deceiving you and yes, is cheating on you. Your instincts are bang on and he is full of sh.t, he truly believes his own lies and thinks you'll believe them too.

 

Time to kick him out. you know enough and you see this NOT the man you married. In front of you is a cheater, a liar and a manipulator. He is cruel, selfish and NOT worthy of you.

 

KICK his ass out and file for divorce. Until he proves himself to you, is honest and owns his cheating ways, is remorseful and IF you believe he deserves a second chance with you, file for divorce. You can always unfile later... But for now, do it. It'll show him that you're not going to tolerate what he's doing any longer.

 

Tell him to pack a bag and GO the OW.

 

You could hire a PI to take pictures too, since he thinks he can lie his way out of everything, pictures don't lie.

[Intuition101]

Thank you all so VERY much. You have no idea how your words

of wisdom or words of encouragement has helped me. I don't feel

as if I'm all alone anymore and that is in itself has helped me

more than any of you guys will ever know.

 

Lovebug66, when I was reading what you posted, I felt like I was

Reading a page out of my own life. I know exactly how that feels

But add physical abuse to mine. The last time I confronted him it

Too was one of the worst and most painful times of my life. It lead

To him being backed up against the wall, and like you said, he came out

Swinging(litterly. That was also the most helpless I have ever felt.

in order to get myself and my teenaged daughter and youngest son

to safety, I was forced to leave my Then 10 yo son with the H Bc he

refused to go with me.

 

I tried my best to force my son to go with me but the H only stepped

In and physically assaulted me more. That is why I am so persistant

In getting the truth to the surface that way my son will come with me.

Some may thing that sounds bizarre but yall have no idea the mind games

And manipulation that my H has done to me and my middle son. If I caught him

Red handed, I could care less if he wants to admit it, I honestly don't

Expect him to. I just want his lies to be exposed.

 

He is the most arrogant, Conceited and selfish man I have ever met. Not conceited in looks, but rather he works Harder than anyone else, he is never wrong, THAT kind of conceited. Everything we have obtained together is HIS. The house, the vehicles.Every time it comes to someone leaving, it has always been the kids and I. He has never left one single time. My name is not on our mortgage Bc I've always been a SAHM. So he thinks the house is his and if anyone leaves,It's us, not him.

 

I havent mentioned his infidelity in months. It is NOT worth the chaos

and hell it causes for the children and I. The only time it has been mentioned

Is by HIM. When he starts fights, he blames me for them. He says he can't

Handle all the stress from work and me questioning him and this and that every

Day. Haha. My response is, the only one that goes on about YOU having an affair is YOU. He says I insult him by ever accusing him Bc he takes his job seriously

And has worked hard to get the position he has, and he is a classy man and would NEVER do that. Yeah a classy man hits on his wife and verbally abuses her

Every day and puts his own children through he!!....

[Intuition101]

Thank you so much for the advice.

I have always said I'd take the minimal

But you're right. I'm going to ask for everything

And be content with whatever outcome.

 

I am still fairly young.(31).

I don't know anything about legal laws

Bc I've never been in trouble legally

And I've never went through a divorce.

So, I am learning.

You're advice has really helped me.

Thank you so much

 

You're right also that I WAS driving myself crazy

Listening to the recordings and looking for other

Clues. I KNOW what I know and no matter what I had

Unless it was a picture or something he would just

Lie anyways.

 

I was spending wasted hours checking his clothes and this and

That. Then one day, I thought to myself, why waste my time?

No matter what I find, I already know he is cheating.

So, I am happy to say that I have quit looking for more

Clues with the same end result.

[beach]

What are you going to DO about this?

 

Find a shelter to go to today!!!

 

Do not wait... You could be dead if you wait any longer!

 

Do not speak to him about any of it! Just quietly leave and don't tell him where you are. A shelter will likely help you file for divorce and find work to earn money.

[dreamingoftigers]

I havent mentioned his infidelity in months. It is NOT worth the chaos

and hell it causes for the children and I. The only time it has been mentioned

Is by HIM. When he starts fights, he blames me for them. He says he can't

Handle all the stress from work and me questioning him and this and that every

Day. Haha. My response is, the only one that goes on about YOU having an affair is YOU. He says I insult him by ever accusing him Bc he takes his job seriously

And has worked hard to get the position he has, and he is a classy man and would NEVER do that. Yeah a classy man hits on his wife and verbally abuses her

Every day and puts his own children through he!!....

 

My husband pulled this crap too.

 

Turns out he's a sexual addict.

 

Ugh. Things just got so damn weird. He was just completely obssessed with it. To the point where I was finding evidence everywhere. And I am sure I was just finding the tip of the iceberg. Yet EVERYTIME he would blame me. The last time was the most pathetic.

 

"Of course you found it, and you must have been really digging. You effing B itch. You didn't even give me a chance to throw it away!"

 

Really? Really? Poor guy. I didn't even give him a chance to throw away the evidence of his infidelity.

 

And ironically, I rarely had to dig very much. He either wasn't very bright or didn't care. Years of Hell. Thinking that if I only had x or y or z than I could go. And that I was willing to complete a full course of marital counseling before I did to make absolutely sure. He sabotaged every process or effort I made. Then blamed me. Continually.

 

He left myself and my daughter with $0.62 and took off. Ascerbic as Hell.

 

Then a few days later he slipped a disc. And could barely, barely walk.

 

Then wanted his family. And since "certain parts" didn't work it was a pretty rude awakening. It is partially for moments like these that most people have the sense not to mistreat and take advantage of their spouse.

 

I went through Hell when he left us with that $0.62. I cannot describe the biting fear I went through day to day trying to be there for my daughter after her Dad just dropped her and I to prove whatever retarded point he wanted to make. He is unequivocably the most selfish person I have ever met. But in a totally self-destructive, manipulative way.

 

Since he wrecked his back, reality sunk in. But it is probably temporary. And to be frank how could one ever get over this BS even if he became the perfect husband and father overnight? I doubt one could, even if one wanted to. And it isn't fair to put our daughter through the risk of his crap again.

 

But I will say this: if I had known dealing with him was going to be this pleasant after slipping a disc....I would have kicked his butt down the stairs years ago instead of waiting for him to not take care of himself or him back to the point where he simply fell apart.

 

Maybe some day in the future when your husband loses his power stance, he might wake up. But how many years could that be while you are taking the hits and the verbal lashings because "look what you made him do?" Which is essentially what he is saying.

[Intuition101]

Sidney2718:

 

Thank you so much.

The divorce link is very useful.

 

I feel like My mind is going in a thousand different ways.

A lot of my thoughts are irrational, although I have sub stained

From acting upon any of them. Mainly Bc I feel trapped and without

Options.

 

You're so right. Getting him fired from his job would only

Hurt the kids and I more. I never looked at it at that point.

My thoughts were, how he is so arrogant about his job/position

That he doesn't deserve it. He will feel even prouder about his

Job when he has to go to it daily knowing by abusing his job/position

And cheating costed him EVERYTHING.

 

Thank you so much. I am trying to be calm and not make any

Irrational decisions and think this through and get all my t's crossed

And i's dotted per say.

 

I'm not going to lie. When I start thinking about how the kid's and I

Are going to make it, where are we going to live, their schools, etc.

I get quite overwhelmed and scared.

 

But this time, The one thing that is different than all the times in the prior

Years is ME.

Before when I left or considered leaving,

I didn't want to leave Bc I still loved him

And wanted to try to fix him.

I always tried at all cost(even my own)

To keep our family together

Bc I felt I Owed that to

our kid's.

 

Now, after all the he!! He has put us through;

The continuous lying, the deception, the cheating.

I honestly can say, I may always care about him to a point

But I have finally realized he will never love me

Like I loved him and

A broken home is better than a unhappy home.

 

And I honestly do NOT want to be with him anymore.

He is toxic for me and love does NOT hurt.

 

Finally accepting the truth is HUGE For me.

I know it's going to be hard. But I do finally

Have the strength to let him go.

That was always my biggest weakness and

My reason for not letting go.