mammasita Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 (edited) No we're not married so I'm not all up in arms but today is our 1 year "official" relationship anniversary. In general the BF is a total manly man and doesn't really express himself much and his memory is horrible!!!!! At the same time he's very open and receptive when I feel like I need to talk about any and everything so that's not the problem...... My heart just hurts a little that he didn't rememebr. I don't need fireworks or a marching band Id be happy with a card or even just verbal recognition of the day at this stage of our relationship but I got nothing �� Edited November 2, 2014 by mammasita 1
newmoon Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 maybe you both have a different definition of anniversary. is it first kiss/date/sex. who knows. maybe he has no idea he's supposed to be celebrating something. 2
Author mammasita Posted November 2, 2014 Author Posted November 2, 2014 maybe you both have a different definition of anniversary. is it first kiss/date/sex. who knows. maybe he has no idea he's supposed to be celebrating something. You're absolutely right. He doesn't......he's oblivious. But he did know, he set a reminder on his iPhone about a month ago but I guess Siri sucks ass LOL Like I said.....I'm not mad at him. I'm just a lil disappointed.
Gloria25 Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 maybe you both have a different definition of anniversary. is it first kiss/date/sex. who knows. maybe he has no idea he's supposed to be celebrating something. You two are not married...married people celebrate anniversaries. I wouldn't expect a guy I'm with to remember the first day he met, kissed, and/or had sex with me - cuz, we're not married. Getting married is a significant life event, we meet, kiss, and/or have sex with people all the time. I also feel the same about birthdays, holidays, V-day. I just don't get how people get so destroyed if you forget and/or didn't get them what hey dreamt of on a particular day. Lemme give you an example. My mom. When I'm out and about, if I see something in the stores that she could make use of and/or commented about she wanted, I'll pick it up. I means I think of her almost all the time cuz she's important to me. So, if her B-day rolls around and I forget it? Pleeze. Mind you, I have to put her and other's B-days on my celphone and calendar not to forget. And thank God for Facebook reminders too... 1
Lurkeraspect Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 You two are not married...married people celebrate anniversaries. I wouldn't expect a guy I'm with to remember the first day he met, kissed, and/or had sex with me - cuz, we're not married. Getting married is a significant life event, we meet, kiss, and/or have sex with people all the time. I also feel the same about birthdays, holidays, V-day. I just don't get how people get so destroyed if you forget and/or didn't get them what hey dreamt of on a particular day. Lemme give you an example. My mom. When I'm out and about, if I see something in the stores that she could make use of and/or commented about she wanted, I'll pick it up. I means I think of her almost all the time cuz she's important to me. So, if her B-day rolls around and I forget it? Pleeze. Mind you, I have to put her and other's B-days on my celphone and calendar not to forget. And thank God for Facebook reminders too... I don't think the OP ever stated that she was "destroyed", rather disappointed. Just because celebrating an anniversary or birthday, whatever isn't important to you, it is to others. My ex husband and I were married for decades and we celebrated not only the anniversary of our marriage, but also the anniversary of our first date, because it was special to us. OP, did you do anything special for him? Men (as you know) are very different animals than women. Maybe making the day special for him and telling him how happy you are that he's in your life, will be a gentle reminder that this day IS important to you and he'll follow suit. Happy Anniversary, btw!
MissBee Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 The idea that only married people can or should celebrate anniversaries is a bit silly to me. Most people I know celebrate the anniversary of them being officially a couple. However, what I would have done is remind him before it came up. If I feel he doesn't have good memory and I wanted us to celebrate I'd bring it up casually in advance saying "Can you believe our one year anniversary is coming up on November 2nd! We should celebrate!" That's how I do it lol. I will bring stuff like that up in the weeks prior so that if he forgot now he knows. Anyway, you can just mention to him that you like celebrating anniversaries and see what he says. If things matter to you you should be able to be truthful with your SO about it.
Mister Zen Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Why are anniversary's important? I've always viewed them similar to the toilet seat issue. Its only a big deal because other people make a big deal out of it. If you've been together for 1 year or 1.5 years what's the difference? If things are going well you should be happy. 1
newmoon Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 The idea that only married people can or should celebrate anniversaries is a bit silly to me. Most people I know celebrate the anniversary of them being officially a couple... this is akin to the people who think you need to have a graduation ceremony for kinder, 1st grade, 2nd grade, etc. and not just a graduation celebration for high school and college, lol. some stuff in life is worth celebrating (ie a marriage) and some stuff is just nonsense (couple anniversaries). as another post pointed out, you can hook up, kiss, and have sex with anyone, but it's different once you are married. the OP, despite any denials, is upset. if she didn't care, she wouldn't care at all. the fact she posted = caring. it's ridiculous. if he otherwise treats her well, who cares if he forgot they hooked up this time last year. 1
WhatIsLove2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 But it is a year...she's not celebrating a 1 month, 3 month, 6 month etc. She says she's not destroyed but disappointed. I would be too...but I probably would have done what someone else suggested brought it up a few days before.
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 The find the whole anniversary thing a bit on the immature side myself...like when you were in highschool and people would essentially make-up whatever significant amount of time they felt like and consider that an "anniversary"... - 3 week anniversary - 3 month anniversary - 6 month anniversary And then be all enthusiastic about it like something "special" happened...I mean, what happens if you're like with a new person every other year, how many one year anniversary's would you celebrate? :/ it just feels a bit weird and unnecessary, especially since there's really no defining date, unless I guess you choose the date that you enter a relationship together in. I can understand an anniversary date for marriage, because that's a pretty significant moment in the relationship...otherwise, it seems unnecessary. But IME women seem to be pretty good with dates more often than not, I for one have a terrible memory and I've forgotten more important things than dates from the past...so I'd be completely oblivious, I don't think I'd keep track of that...hmm, can't really remember if I do or do not... Anyway! I think it comes down to communication, if you're the sympathetic type who kinds of attaches to these types of momentos, then you should communicate that and your expectations in a sense, because I don't think this is something he's going to pick up without you making it really clear...so just tell him what you want and would like just in case you're still together the next time around...2 year anniversary right? It's fine if you want to celebrate, personally I would probably be a little thrown off by it but I'd have no problem going and doing something "special" or what not. I'm the type of guy though that rather do things that are genuine and natural, I'm not that big on predetermined dates like Valentines Day and the big Christmas present...I hate being forced into doing something and like everyone is already expecting something...I still do it because I have to, but for me it feels more special to me when I did something because I thought of that person...rather than because I basically had to figure something out to make it "special"...it just doesn't feel so "special" to me in that way, and I'd always rather do something together than spend money on gifts, personally. I get I hold onto memories better than I do souvenirs. 2
newmoon Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 But it is a year...she's not celebrating a 1 month, 3 month, 6 month etc. She says she's not destroyed but disappointed. I would be too...but I probably would have done what someone else suggested brought it up a few days before. well, if it soooo important, what stopped *her* from celebrating by giving him something? is it his job to get her stuff and remember - doesn't it fall on her to celebrate this important moment in his life by getting him some gifts and recognition too? maybe he was just waiting for his gifts 1
WhatIsLove2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 well, if it soooo important, what stopped *her* from celebrating by giving him something? is it his job to get her stuff and remember - doesn't it fall on her to celebrate this important moment in his life by getting him some gifts and recognition too? maybe he was just waiting for his gifts Well, I don't know how important it is to her...maybe it wasn't important until she realized he forgot. For me, personally, he would know it was today. I know guys aren't great at dates so I wouldn't set him up for failure.
WomenWubber Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Some couples don't need to get married to be serious about their relationship. OP, maybe he was just oblivious or forgot. I think you should tell him how you feel and see how he reacts.
Gloria25 Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 well, if it soooo important, what stopped *her* from celebrating by giving him something? is it his job to get her stuff and remember - doesn't it fall on her to celebrate this important moment in his life by getting him some gifts and recognition too? maybe he was just waiting for his gifts Exactly....I'm sure the responses from women will differ from men. I'm not saying you shouldn't recognize your spouse and/or SO. I'm just saying that romanticizing every little thing is ridiculous. I think that's something that means more to women and Hallmark (they gotta find reasons to make you spend you know). Like I heard some women are "now" expecting a gift on the day they give birth...Really? I thought that was called a "Baby Shower". Better yet pick one: (1) People showering you with cards and gifts cuz you gave birth is better vs. (2) Holding your baby and husband's hands and praying to God in appreciation your child was born (hopefully with ten fingers, ten toes, and in health)? Reminds me of a Sex and the City where Carrie got all bent out of shape about Aiden not "knowing" her cuz of the engagement ring design he chose. Really? Dude did your hard floors, he gave you that hand-made chair you saw in his shop - in other words, pretty much every day he shows you how much he adores you. But, forget all that cuz he bought you the "wrong" ring. Look, as long as my SO wakes up every day and wonders how he can make me happy, randomly brings me home flowers now and then, sends me a cute text and/or call letting me know I'm on his mind and/or treats me to things (i.e. a dinner on the town, costume jewelry from Claire's or JCPenny, and/or just holding my hand when I'm having cramps, etc. - whether or not he remembers a particular "day" is not a high priority for me. 1
Gloria25 Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 this is akin to the people who think you need to have a graduation ceremony for kinder, 1st grade, 2nd grade, etc. and not just a graduation celebration for high school and college, lol. some stuff in life is worth celebrating (ie a marriage) and some stuff is just nonsense (couple anniversaries). as another post pointed out, you can hook up, kiss, and have sex with anyone, but it's different once you are married. the OP, despite any denials, is upset. if she didn't care, she wouldn't care at all. the fact she posted = caring. it's ridiculous. if he otherwise treats her well, who cares if he forgot they hooked up this time last year. Yup ^^ I thought now a days there's "equality" in relationships? But, putting "equality" aside - even in married anniversary situations - usually both husband and wife are planning something for each other...
newmoon Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Exactly....I'm sure the responses from women will differ from men. I'm not saying you shouldn't recognize your spouse and/or SO. I'm just saying that romanticizing every little thing is ridiculous. I think that's something that means more to women and Hallmark (they gotta find reasons to make you spend you know). Like I heard some women are "now" expecting a gift on the day they give birth...Really? I thought that was called a "Baby Shower". Better yet pick one: (1) People showering you with cards and gifts cuz you gave birth is better vs. (2) Holding your baby and husband's hands and praying to God in appreciation your child was born (hopefully with ten fingers, ten toes, and in health)? Reminds me of a Sex and the City where Carrie got all bent out of shape about Aiden not "knowing" her cuz of the engagement ring design he chose. Really? Dude did your hard floors, he gave you that hand-made chair you saw in his shop - in other words, pretty much every day he shows you how much he adores you. But, forget all that cuz he bought you the "wrong" ring. Look, as long as my SO wakes up every day and wonders how he can make me happy, randomly brings me home flowers now and then, sends me a cute text and/or call letting me know I'm on his mind and/or treats me to things (i.e. a dinner on the town, costume jewelry from Claire's or JCPenny, and/or just holding my hand when I'm having cramps, etc. - whether or not he remembers a particular "day" is not a high priority for me. they are called "push presents" - for giving birth. LOL. when i first heard that term i was hysterical laughing. most hilarious concept ever! i imagine the women who want those are the ones who want their anniversary gifts on time as well. OP maybe read the book The 5 Love Languages. Could be that your SO just doesn't recognize things in the way you do. 1
Author mammasita Posted November 3, 2014 Author Posted November 3, 2014 they are called "push presents" - for giving birth. LOL. when i first heard that term i was hysterical laughing. most hilarious concept ever! i imagine the women who want those are the ones who want their anniversary gifts on time as well. OP maybe read the book The 5 Love Languages. Could be that your SO just doesn't recognize things in the way you do. Very familiar with that book, and yep I know very well he doesn't recognize things the way I do. He's an acts of service type of guy. I knew from the beginning what I was getting into. Like I said, not a big deal.....I know he needs me to gently remind him about stuff when I think things are important because yes, he is oblivious. As far as romanticizing every little event.....1 week, OMG - 2 months. Not my style. He does little things for me otherwise....Last weekend he got me a little stuffed animal from the gas station because it looked like my dog. His daughter repossessed it from me because "it's sooo cute" but whatever That said, a push present? WTF LOL
SpiralOut Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 There is nothing wrong with someone wanting to celebrate their 1 year anniversary. If it matters to one person in the relationship, then their partner should care enough about them to go along with it even if it's not their thing. That said, the partner can't be expected to just "know" that he's supposed to be doing something on a particular day. Just ask him what he thinks about celebrating anniversaries. 1
gaius Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Express disapointment and give him a chance to try and make it up to you dammit. 1
Emilia Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I just about remember the month I started dating someone, very unlikely I'd remember the exact date.
Toodaloo Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I could never remember my "anniversary" with my ex. We were not married so to me it was just when we started seeing each other. He knew when it was but chose to ignore it along with every valentine, birthday, Christmas... I have never heard of "push" presents... I thought the gift you received was your baby?!
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