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Posted

My ex gf left me over 4month ago now, our last contact was a week today, from a email to her, apologising for not letting her go.

 

Im trying everything to assist me, i started driving lessons, test soon. i train 4 days a week at gym and speak to multiple woman but i can not hold interest in them, my ex over powers my mind.

 

I even slept with another but i didnt enjoy at all, i just thought how fugly this girl is to my ex.

 

I figured im not over her, she is still last and first thing on my mind.

 

I am doing all this stuff but im not healing.

 

Im struggling not to break nc again but i know ishudnt, not yet.

 

I think for xmas, if ican make it to then, i will wish her a happy xmas, its going to be soooo hard.

 

Yesterday i went to see a bonfire and fireworks with bro and his gf, it really sucked, miss her alot.

  • Author
Posted (edited)

Ok, so I've ****ed it again!!! **** sake, I'm so ****ing mad with myself!!!!

 

I downloaded a application called WhatsApp, a friend told me too, cause my ex number is still in phone book, she showed up on my list. I msged her saying why can I see you? Its cause she is in my phonebook.

 

We ended up chatting for 20mins, pretty much me finding out how she is.

 

She has a new job interview tomoz, so I wished her luck etc, I didn't chat about my feelings once or tell how much I.missed her.

 

Anyways, she said she has to block me cause its "killing her still"...and talkingto me previously, is the reason I was turning upto her house and that she got wrong off the police, for speaking back with me.

 

I told her that wasn't the case, it was a 4yr relationship, I'd of came to see her, if we was speaking or not.

 

Anyways, I said, well if you are hurting over this still, then do what you need and want do.

 

I know that she is not dating anyone, not as of yet anyhow. Well, she jokely ended the convoy with " cya loser " to which I replied, no, see you loser!!, then she blocked me and no doubt removed my number.

 

Have I ****ed it up again? I kinda feel a little hurt but not as much as I did from a block 4 months ago.

 

Please, I'm in a horrible situation. I do miss her and would take her back.

 

She is always going to be around my life, my sister is pregnant, my ex is an "auntie" of my nephew, as my ex and sister are best friends. My cousin dates her sister, she is always going to be around,

 

Also, I know people will say move on but I'm scared to, I can easily go on dates with woman I've chatted to on dating sites but I'm scared to hurt my ex, I know it will break her heart to know I'm with another, I do not want to hurt her.

 

Although she has told me, at times, she doesn't love me, she's had me took away by police, from visiting her and she sliced my heart in too, there will always be a huge scar there now. I was suicidal, she crushed my heart, she blocked me from every social site, fb, Snapchat, emails, mob number.... Yet I am scared to date another, in fear of hurting her

 

What can I do, plese all and any advice is greatly appreciated

Edited by heartache25
Posted

Yeah, just move on. Thats my advice. It'll get better but please move on. No hope with her, look for another one.

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