Do married men really love their wives?

[Khy89]

Or is it just easier for the kids or the legal aspects of it? I mean why would you cheat over and over if you truly loved your spouse?

 

Hi I'm new here and just thought I could learn some things

 

Why is it that people are so quick to assume that a married man can't love another woman and if he's interested in another woman it's all about sex? How do we know this man even loves his wife? If they have only been married a few years and he cheated the whole time how does he even love his wife but not this other woman?

 

FYI I am not in this situation, I just don't understand why people assume that a husbands stays is because of love and loyalty...I mean sometimes it's cheaper t keep her...I think that some men may prefer to be withthe second woman but life isn't perfect...

[FusionCutter]

Depends on the definition of love. In most people's dictionary, loving someone means they're loyal to one.

 

If you love more than one in secrecy - it's plain and downright selfish. That's not love.

[Sassy Girl]

My MM loves his wife. He loves the person that she is, is proud of her accomplishments and loves the life he has with her. They've been together 20 years.

 

 

He also said recently he is falling for me.

 

 

I tend to be pragmatic about these things. I think he likes me as a person, he likes what I do for him. Sexually we are very compatible and its a nice heady feeling to connect with someone like that... but falling for me? I doubt it.

 

I know where his loyalty lies.

[Redheaded Mistress]

Or is it just easier for the kids or the legal aspects of it? I mean why would you cheat over and over if you truly loved your spouse?

 

Honestly I think if you truly love your spouse, you wouldn't be cheating. I know there are people who passionately disagree, but I don't think that you cheat on people you love and respect as partners. They're at total odds.

 

Why is it that people are so quick to assume that a married man can't love another woman and if he's interested in another woman it's all about sex?

 

For some, it's a rationalozation that helps them cope. For others, their cheating spouse was just out for sex.

 

How do we know this man even loves his wife?

 

 

Well, words and actions I guess. Otherwise, the only person who knows for sure is the man.

 

If they have only been married a few years and he cheated the whole time how does he even love his wife but not this other woman?

 

FYI I am not in this situation, I just don't understand why people assume that a husbands stays is because of love and loyalty...I mean sometimes it's cheaper t keep her...I think that some men may prefer to be withthe second woman but life isn't perfect...

 

Some pretty specific questions for a hypothetical.

 

And in some, maybe even a lot of cases, that's why people stay. The kids and the cash. You see it here all the time.

[Mount]

Who says Husband stays because of love (wife) or loyality??

 

Here people constants say husband NC with mistress or OW...etc,but really? NC...really? People just choose to believe WHAT THEY WANT TO believe - and life goes on.

 

Or is it just easier for the kids or the legal aspects of it? I mean why would you cheat over and over if you truly loved your spouse?

 

Hi I'm new here and just thought I could learn some things

 

Why is it that people are so quick to assume that a married man can't love another woman and if he's interested in another woman it's all about sex? How do we know this man even loves his wife? If they have only been married a few years and he cheated the whole time how does he even love his wife but not this other woman?

 

FYI I am not in this situation, I just don't understand why people assume that a husbands stays is because of love and loyalty...I mean sometimes it's cheaper t keep her...I think that some men may prefer to be withthe second woman but life isn't perfect...

[Khy89]

Honestly I think if you truly love your spouse, you wouldn't be cheating. I know there are people who passionately disagree, but I don't think that you cheat on people you love and respect as partners. They're at total odds.

 

 

 

For some, it's a rationalozation that helps them cope. For others, their cheating spouse was just out for sex.

 

 

 

 

Well, words and actions I guess. Otherwise, the only person who knows for sure is the man.

 

 

 

Some pretty specific questions for a hypothetical.

 

And in some, maybe even a lot of cases, that's why people stay. The kids and the cash. You see it here all the time.

Oh this situation is very real. I'm just not a player, but an observer and I'm confused by it all. I feel like if you truly loved your spouse you wouldn't be open to fall in love or lust with another. And some of the affairs married men carry on are beyond too much for it to just be sex.

[Lurkeraspect]

Or is it just easier for the kids or the legal aspects of it? I mean why would you cheat over and over if you truly loved your spouse?

 

Hi I'm new here and just thought I could learn some things

 

Why is it that people are so quick to assume that a married man can't love another woman and if he's interested in another woman it's all about sex? How do we know this man even loves his wife? If they have only been married a few years and he cheated the whole time how does he even love his wife but not this other woman?

 

FYI I am not in this situation, I just don't understand why people assume that a husbands stays is because of love and loyalty...I mean sometimes it's cheaper t keep her...I think that some men may prefer to be withthe second woman but life isn't perfect...

I think some MM love their wives, some don't, and some only love themselves. Men are able to compartmentalize making cheating easier. I'd say if they love their wives or not, what they don't do, is respect them and cherish them. Some men just want it all; the marriage, the wife tucked safely at home raising his children, and a some extra sex and companionship on the side. It's not that complex.

 

And men who cheat do not have any loyalty.

[Khy89]

My MM loves his wife. He loves the person that she is, is proud of her accomplishments and loves the life he has with her. They've been together 20 years.

 

 

He also said recently he is falling for me.

 

 

I tend to be pragmatic about these things. I think he likes me as a person, he likes what I do for him. Sexually we are very compatible and its a nice heady feeling to connect with someone like that... but falling for me? I doubt it.

 

I know where his loyalty lies.

Well yea 20 years of history is alot to throw away! But I'm referring to a couple who have only known each other 4 years, married 3 and this guy has cheated while they were dating and then right before the wedding and then some more times since then! Way too much to only be married 3 years...there are no biological kids involved...

[ComingInHot]

Or is it just easier for the kids or the legal aspects of it? I mean why would you cheat over and over if you truly loved your spouse?

 

Hi I'm new here and just thought I could learn some things

 

Why is it that people are so quick to assume that a married man can't love another woman and if he's interested in another woman it's all about sex? How do we know this man even loves his wife? If they have only been married a few years and he cheated the whole time how does he even love his wife but not this other woman?

 

FYI I am not in this situation, I just don't understand why people assume that a husbands stays is because of love and loyalty...I mean sometimes it's cheaper t keep her...I think that some men may prefer to be withthe second woman but life isn't perfect...

 

 

Who would even want that kind of a low-life loser, real man Wanna Be, POS? That is just as gross because obviously he is a cheater and a liar from the get go but the only other person to know is the one screwing him behind His Wife's blind, naive back. HIS Wife just assumes until the cheaters are busted that the douche bag does love her and the children She gave him and the life They built together. I mean HE married her didn't he? There must have been Something like Real Love there, right?

Therefore he must have loved or does love His Wife but he is a loser cheater *

[Sassy Girl]

Well yea 20 years of history is alot to throw away! But I'm referring to a couple who have only known each other 4 years, married 3 and this guy has cheated while they were dating and then right before the wedding and then some more times since then! Way too much to only be married 3 years...there are no biological kids involved...

 

That wasn't your initially question.

 

The man you describe loves no one but himself... and if he takes up with his mistress it will only leave a vacancy.

[Khy89]

Who would even want that kind of a low-life loser, real man Wanna Be, POS? That is just as gross because obviously he is a cheater and a liar from the get go but the only other person to know is the one screwing him behind His Wife's blind, naive back. HIS Wife just assumes until the cheaters are busted that the douche bag does love her and the children She gave him and the life They built together. I mean HE married her didn't he? There must have been Something like Real Love there, right?

Therefore he must have loved or does love His Wife but he is a loser cheater *

 

I agree he is a low life! But his wife knew of him cheating while dating and then he confessed to the cheating before the marriage and she still wanted to get married so whilst I have sympathy I still believe we are accountable for what we put up with. This kinda stuff makes me never want to get married

[carhill]

OP, some men compartmentalize better than others. Generally, serial/concurrent adulterers who are male are quite organized in the compartmentalized feeling/thinking area so sure, it's possible and even likely that they love their spouse in the way they describe love whilst engaging in extra-marital affairs. IMO, only the parties involved have knowledge of their own perspectives on such matters.

 

All I can relate personally is that I certainly didn't love my exW when engaging in a quite open affair and she had a couple years of advance notice prior to it happening. Then again, I could be lying. See how that works? It's all perspective and no one can read anyone's mind.

[Mount]

But there has no something new here, there have some women that would suck up anything in order to be "married", or keep "married" status. So what is new here?

 

 

 

I agree he is a low life! But his wife knew of him cheating while dating and then he confessed to the cheating before the marriage and she still wanted to get married so whilst I have sympathy I still believe we are accountable for what we put up with. This kinda stuff makes me never want to get married

[Lernaean_Hydra]

That wasn't your initially question.

 

The man you describe loves no one but himself... and if he takes up with his mistress it will only leave a vacancy.

 

Right!

 

OP, every situation is different however it's very possible for a MM to still love their wives - or at least think they do - and in fact it happens all the time. It's why MM feel so guilty they eventually confess, or drop the OW or even grow to resent her. It's why MM stay married even though no children are involved and no discernible assets exist to be concerned with maintaining.

 

But this MM in particular? No, he doesn't appear to love anyone.

 

It sounds like you're asking why a guy like that would stay with his wife since his actions would say he clearly doesn't love her but the truth is, we can't answer that. Mainly because none of us, (OW, BW, WS or none of those) - fortunately - have encountered a man so flagrant in his philandering and his disrespect. But, if I had to wager a guess I'd say he clearly has some issues. His repeated cheating may in fact have very little to do with his love (or lack thereof) for his wife and far more to do with his love (or lack thereof!) for himself.

 

It's likely she's not even a factor in this. But one thing I can say is, whether he loves his wife or not is pretty irrelevant as he almost certainly does not love his OW.

[bathtub-row]

The people that make those statements are the ones who like to judge people for getting involved in affairs. Generally it's a bad idea to get involved but that doesn't mean that there isn't real love between the two people. It's a bad idea to get involved in an affair because it's a bad way to start a relationship, because it can hurt others, and can compound an already complicated issue, among other reasons.

 

When I got involved with my xMM, I was in a bad place emotionally and rationalized that I just needed to do something spontaneous. Besides, I knew his reputation and didn't think he would seduce me without intending to leave his marriage. I do know that at some point he was thinking about leaving his marriage because he said something along those lines to someone. As I said, though, affairs really complicate things and it adds a lot of guilt to a situation. To this day, though, 10 yrs later, there is still deep affection between us. There's no doubt in my mind that what we had was highly significant. I often think that if we had not had an affair, he might've left his marriage. I'll never know.

 

The truth is, the majority of affairs are based on feelings of love or deep affection. Very few people cheat just for the sake of cheating. Which is also why it's hard for them to end it. It's hard to give each other up.

[Redheaded Mistress]

Well yea 20 years of history is alot to throw away! But I'm referring to a couple who have only known each other 4 years, married 3 and this guy has cheated while they were dating and then right before the wedding and then some more times since then! Way too much to only be married 3 years...there are no biological kids involved...

 

I knew there wasn't a hypothetical in that question...

 

I'd say that guy in that situation likes the stability of a woman at home who does whatever it is that he thinks wives are around to do, plus there's backup sex that's relatively easy access, but not commitment.

 

If I were to guess, he's a guy who settled down with a nice girl who his family likes, who his mother loves, who he made everybody happy by aligning with, and he followed through to make her happy, to make family happy, to meet expectations, and he wasn't ready for it himself. Maybe he doesn't even know why himself.

[Hope Shimmers]

I think people define "love" in different ways. Some people define it as commitment - others as a feeling. I personally think that love involves commitment and respect.

[Woggle]

Many faithful married love their wives very much. People who cheat on their spouses don't love them though.

[Justme19]

Your question- Do married men really love their wives? I think it is very possible for someone to love more than one person. I don't understand the mindset that you have to stop loving one person before you can love someone else.

As far as the person you are talking about here though- I don't think he loves his wife or anyone else he is with, possibly not even himself.

[hoping2heal]

You really cannot lump all married men into the same basket.

 

I am sure that yes, there are some men who stay married out of love and loyalty to their wives.

 

Just as I am equally sure there are men who stay for other reasons like children, finances, etc.

 

The reasons are a case by case basis but I suppose it is really difficult in each scenario because there was a weak link within that man that he turned to infidelity. This is why so many people run around saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" because the assumption is this inherent weakness will always be a problem.

 

I do not necessarily think that is always the case. If a person has an in-tact conscience and can be truly sorry for his actions and not just sorry because he was caught or sorry because of his this will disrupt his situation then it may for some be possible to address the real issues that led to the cheating and do something about it. Now, I think more often than not the "sorry" might come from ones own sense about themselves. Not sorry for infidelity or hurting their spouse, just sorry for how the discovery of infidelity is going to "mess up their situation".

 

I do think those who have a one time indiscretion vs. carry on for months of lying and deceit probably would have the "bigger chance" of ...oh what's the word...rehabilitating, I guess?

 

A man who is going to intentionally lie and deceive his wife is another breed and his wandering penis is the least of the problems internally. To be honest, I am actually surprised that there are not more cases of MMs and their mistresses staying together because really, the two of them have that inner weak link together which they do not share with their spouse. You would think it would be a common ground and it probably is in some of the few cases you ever do hear about where AP's actually end up together.

 

But, I think the man who cannot love his wife cannot truly love his mistress either. Sure, you can "love" the attraction, the biological chemical reaction taking place in the honeymoon phase. You can love that a woman turns you on sexually, you can love that she interests you, excites you, makes you laugh. Makes you feel good in so many ways. But really, that's not love...that is just using that person as a shiny toy. Actually caring about another person's best interest? Now that is something special. That is truly loving another person. If a man cared about the AP's best interest then well, he really would not ask her to get into an affair in the first place.

[Khy89]

Who would even want that kind of a low-life loser, real man Wanna Be, POS? That is just as gross because obviously he is a cheater and a liar from the get go but the only other person to know is the one screwing him behind His Wife's blind, naive back. HIS Wife just assumes until the cheaters are busted that the douche bag does love her and the children She gave him and the life They built together. I mean HE married her didn't he? There must have been Something like Real Love there, right?

Therefore he must have loved or does love His Wife but he is a loser cheater *

I totally agree that if a man marries a woman there MUST be something but this guy in particular was thirsty to be married period. He was obsessed with another girl who shot him down and then he met and married his wife quickly after. I just don't understand people playing with marriage like this... I guess my whole question points to why don't these men just stay single??

[Khy89]

Your question- Do married men really love their wives? I think it is very possible for someone to love more than one person. I don't understand the mindset that you have to stop loving one person before you can love someone else.

As far as the person you are talking about here though- I don't think he loves his wife or anyone else he is with, possibly not even himself.

 

I guess I don't understand why people are so quick to tell the mistress/OW a married man can't possible be in love with her BUT what in his actions shows he loves his wife so much? Because he stayed for the kids or whatever? that sounds more like obligation and as a wife that wouldn't make me feel better than other woman...only that I'm tied up to this bastard and she isn't.

[Khy89]

You really cannot lump all married men into the same basket.

 

I am sure that yes, there are some men who stay married out of love and loyalty to their wives.

 

Just as I am equally sure there are men who stay for other reasons like children, finances, etc.

 

The reasons are a case by case basis but I suppose it is really difficult in each scenario because there was a weak link within that man that he turned to infidelity. This is why so many people run around saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" because the assumption is this inherent weakness will always be a problem.

 

I do not necessarily think that is always the case. If a person has an in-tact conscience and can be truly sorry for his actions and not just sorry because he was caught or sorry because of his this will disrupt his situation then it may for some be possible to address the real issues that led to the cheating and do something about it. Now, I think more often than not the "sorry" might come from ones own sense about themselves. Not sorry for infidelity or hurting their spouse, just sorry for how the discovery of infidelity is going to "mess up their situation".

 

I do think those who have a one time indiscretion vs. carry on for months of lying and deceit probably would have the "bigger chance" of ...oh what's the word...rehabilitating, I guess?

 

A man who is going to intentionally lie and deceive his wife is another breed and his wandering penis is the least of the problems internally. To be honest, I am actually surprised that there are not more cases of MMs and their mistresses staying together because really, the two of them have that inner weak link together which they do not share with their spouse. You would think it would be a common ground and it probably is in some of the few cases you ever do hear about where AP's actually end up together.

 

But, I think the man who cannot love his wife cannot truly love his mistress either. Sure, you can "love" the attraction, the biological chemical reaction taking place in the honeymoon phase. You can love that a woman turns you on sexually, you can love that she interests you, excites you, makes you laugh. Makes you feel good in so many ways. But really, that's not love...that is just using that person as a shiny toy. Actually caring about another person's best interest? Now that is something special. That is truly loving another person. If a man cared about the AP's best interest then well, he really would not ask her to get into an affair in the first place.

He actually is trying keep the OW away from an affair. That's what made me ask if it really is possible that he or any MM could actually love their OW. By him trying to keep her out the drama I think there is some caring there but idk

[Khy89]

I knew there wasn't a hypothetical in that question...

 

I'd say that guy in that situation likes the stability of a woman at home who does whatever it is that he thinks wives are around to do, plus there's backup sex that's relatively easy access, but not commitment.

 

If I were to guess, he's a guy who settled down with a nice girl who his family likes, who his mother loves, who he made everybody happy by aligning with, and he followed through to make her happy, to make family happy, to meet expectations, and he wasn't ready for it himself. Maybe he doesn't even know why himself.

This might sound bad but I would kinda understand a man who has been married for 20, 30, 40 plus years dying to sample some new tail but a marriage that young? Aren't the first few years like the honeymoon phase or the "good years"? Shouldn't you guys only be hot for each other?

[Furious]

Love is interpreted in different ways by different individuals. Love and marriage are also defined by someone's cultural upbringing.

 

In many cultures men separate the love of their wife and family and find no problem with having extra relationships. It's something they see amongst their peers, it is accepted as "boys will be boys. Ironically, the men from these cultures would blow a gasket if their wife were cheating or their daughter was involved with a married man.

 

So yes, in a warped way, many men, who "love" their wife may cheat. For these individuals, you marry the woman you love, the woman who will be faithful and the woman who will be the mother of their children.

 

Two thirds of all divorces are filed by women. Those numbers indicate that most philandering men have no intention to divorce. I believe a great majority of married men may believe they love their wife but they love themselves much more.