Swimmer916 Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 Hi everyone, I'm in the darkest spot in my life and I can't imagine it getting better from here on. It started in college when I met the most beautiful and amazing girl I have ever seen and a personality to match. We ended up dating and the first two years were amazing. I mean I felt like I was on Cloud Nine every damn day. I had made some amazing friends, done well in school, and had become a star on the swim team. I was far away from home and her family was close. Her family was amazing. I mean I have never seen a family so close and so in love. I felt like I had found it all. I knew where my life was going. We loved each other so much and we were going to stay in her home city after college. Things with my GF slowed down Junior year. We fought more and more. All my friends kept telling me that I need to be single and go out and date. That she's great but you need to experience or you'll regret it. Finally, our senior year we broke it off. I didn't see her or our mutual friends as much. I enjoyed my time with my other friends. Eventually, we hooked up more and more and I fell for her again. The Cloud 9 feeling had returned. She had moved on. When we graduated I thought that I would move on and feel better. That was May, still to this day I am deeply depressed. She was the perfect girl. And I mean that. In terms of looks, she was way out of my league. She was shy but she was friendly and that's why I loved her. She loved me for who I was. Now I sit here everyday feeling alone and distraught while she just thinks of me as a thing of the past. I regret listening to my friends and them telling me to leave her behind. I thought at the time I could live the single college life. I am so depressed. It's not just a heartbreak. I threw away an entire life. All our mutual friends live together in the city and I moved away for work. I sit in bed all day on my days off. No motivation to continue. I wake up everyday and keep telling myself whats the point? Life will never ever be as good as when you were with her. You had the most fun of your life in college with her. The future I had laid out is gone. This regret eats at my mind. I think about it 24/7. It utterly destroys me. I see her once in a while and she is having so much fun. We aren't even friends anymore. I feel like such a loser now and I hate it. My insecurities from the past have come to haunt me. I threw away everything I had because at the time I thought we werent right for each other. Nothing will ever compare to her, nothing will ever be as good. I have suicidal thoughts. I can't grip myself to come to it because I know my family has given me so much. They are frustrated with me. They tell me to get over it and everything will be better. It won't. There is no light at the end of this tunnel. Just a never ending pathway of darkness. I had depression in highschool for some time but coming to college allowed me to start fresh. I threw it all away because during the rough times in our relationship, we never talked it through. I'm so scared to go through this. I want to be happy again, I want to be able to persevere and move on. I will never get rid of this regret. It will always live with me.
Reels Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 Since you are going to consider her as the best person, you will happen to miss her. She is up for patch up? 1
Author Swimmer916 Posted November 2, 2014 Author Posted November 2, 2014 She has a new BF and has completely moved on. I miss it. I miss her. I was so blinded by my own ego I tossed everything aside and now I live with the regret everyday.
IfiKnewThen Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 all i can say is i feel your pain. living in regret here too. wish i could turn back time. wish he would just talk to me even 1
Shields boy Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Swimmer. I know exactly what you are going through and boy is it painfull. I have been where you are. Time is a healer and you will learn to live with the regrets as life goes on. You need to try and snap out of it and improve your situation. You don't want to end up with regrets where you have just sat around and moped over this girl 6 months - 1 year. Get up and go outside because the world is beautiful. Life is to short. There is a good saying somewhere on these boards that if you want your ex back "then basically get to a place where you don't want them back" Make that your goal and hey you just never know what the future holds. Stay strong and good luck 1
MTmama Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I know it is difficult to move forward while focusing on the past. But you have to move on. This is not a place you can stay. Can you find friends, a place to meet people, a community to engage with? Without that, all you have is the past. You need community, and you need to choose to be a part. I am so sorry you feel so low. Can you make choices, goals and move forward? 1
ralfgarnett Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Swimmer I feel your pain too mate, I too m hurting, there is no magic wand but I want you to know that I am thinking of you and welcome talking to you on her, god bless mate chin up the best you can. 1
Itspointless Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I want to be happy again, I want to be able to persevere and move on. I will never get rid of this regret. It will always live with me. You want to be happy again, that is good. Of-course you wont regret it all your life. it just doesn't work like that fortunately. As for that relation it sounds like it had run its natural course. Also you know now better what you want and learnt that love is special. I think if you had stayed with her you probably would have been unhappy in a relationship fantasizing about greener grass, or would have been dumped yourself. I know that it is hard when you are vulnarable for depression, I am too. But as you have been depressed before you know there is a way out, and yes it takes time. Dude go running lots of endorphins that will make you feel better, or start swimming again. Sitting inside makes you miserable for sure. Start with enjoying the little things in life again. 1
Elias33 Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I have been where you are as well. While time may heal all wounds... time can be a long time. So I get it. Stop wording the way you do, there are more perfect girls out there, there is no such thing as the one. From this point you only can go up, re-invent yourself, move on, and let go. What you are going through is a natural part of the grieving process and you have simply not let go yet. It is because the person is still around. Learn from this to become a better person for the next one. You will meet a next one, trust me in this. I know what I am suggesting is sounds very difficult, I have been through it all. The world will not change until you choose to look at it differently, be happy that you knew her, be happy that you know what it is like, cause many people are looking yet still.... chin up, take a breath, and take that first step of letting go. And letting go is not losing something, it is gaining an entire new experience. Nothing lasts for ever. My friend just recently lost his wife due to cancer, and they were happily married for 15 years. So you see, even if you don't break up, you still can lose that person. So enjoy right now, and appreciate the person you are with right now. And if you are single, still be grateful, because life is truly a gift, no matter how sh*tty it seems sometimes. That I can tell you with absolute certainty. 3
Author Swimmer916 Posted November 4, 2014 Author Posted November 4, 2014 Hi everyone, Thank you so much for the responses. It's been a tough few months. The regret still stings. There are times where I wake up in the middle of the night and get so angry at myself for my decisions. I'm making the best of it that I can. The holidays really kill me. I know Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years are coming up. I want to be there with her and her family. A good point was brought up, if we stayed together who knows if I would of been fully happy. I am now able to fully appreciate what matters in life. It's not who you sleep with, or how many woman you can swoon. It's about loving your life and adding someone who can join in on that. Looking back I feel like it was her but I can't think like that. I'm trying to embrace every opportunity I can. For example, I'm going on a trip to Japan with my friend. I don't think I would of taken this opportunity if I was with her. Again, thank you friends 1
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