SummerRae Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 Well, seems my dating scene is better than I thought! (I was convinced there were no men on the face of this planet for me and that I was destined to a life of spinster-hood!) Now more to the point.... SCENE #1: Guy #1 I went out with some friends last night to a local pub with bands playing. Was not into going out but felt like I had to so my friends wouldn't be mad about me cancelling. Anyways, so I go to this pub, and meet this unconventionally sexy guy---leather jacket, kindof the bad-boy-next-door look. We held eye contact for some time. Very nice eyes. Finally we talked and there was a certain degree of attraction. I felt like I really saw him and he saw me (as much as that can happen in a noisy pub!) But we exchanged numbers and agreed to meet up for dinner or coffee... I was glowing. SCENE #2 Guy #2 THEN, I go to my friend's aunt's house for an "after pub" get together. All old people & friend's family. Then I see this young HOT Italian looking guy. Super sexy. This girl was hanging off of him, so I immediately thought they were boyfriend-girlfriend. I meet his sister (who I didn't know was his sister) and we instantly click! We exchange numbers and laugh our a$$es off. (Both have twisted, evil sense of humours... ) Her brother the Italian looking hottie keeps staring at me. And I'm like, this guy must be a real player. I go into the kitchen and he follows. Starts talking to me very forward-like. I'm like "isn't that your gf at the table?" Turns out it's not, he just met her that night, friend of the family. She does not seem too happy that he is taken with me, so I, being the "don't let anyone get hurt feelings" type try to boost her self confidence. All the while this guy starts asking his sister about me. We just click. He tells me to stay with him. All my friend's family LOVES this and encourages it. They order us a cab. I go with him because we have so much apparently in common and he is very much a gentleman w/ me. I make a vow to myself NOT to sleep with him. And we don't. But we spend the most amazing night until the wee hours of the morning talking and holding each other. He doesn't try a thing, though we make out like two hormone-filled teens. And we just click. We go for coffee this morning and he is just so sweet. Intellectually we're very compatible, he's into politics and spirituality (which I'm totally passionate about). We go and visit his sister and I just fall in love with his family. He asks me for dinner later this week. I agree. The problem? Well, he's 15 years older!! (But he only looks 30!) And I am, well, pretty mature for my age, I've been told... *************************** Then fast forward to this evening. Guy #1 calls. We have a great conversation. He's very nice, a good listener, an artist and just seems into me. I am having a dilemna. First of all, I have met soooooooo many guys who are shallow and whom I have absolutely NO, ZERO, ZILCH connection with (when u know, u know). But these guys, BOTH I could see myself dating. Guy #2 is more intellectual, more educated, more attractive, more sensitive. But guy #1 has this sexy badness too him (even though technically he doesn't appear to be a bad boy--has a job, has got his shi! together, etc...). What do I do?? Just date both?? That's my instinct. I just feel weird about it though, feel like I wouldn't be giving my all to either one or giving either one a fair shot. I will definitely be 100% honest with each! Who knows, maybe they won't be that INTO me down the line........ Guy #2, I see my future in his eyes. Guy #1, I see lotsa passion and I bet great sexx... but perhaps not marriage material... lol. I know it sounds like whoa, I just met these guys, how can I be sure of anything??? But the thing is, I felt similarly when I met my first love. It was instant. There was an instant attraction and reaction. Mmmmm.......... God, when it rains it pours. Thanx for reading this all the way though. Please tell me what u think.
Fun2BMe Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 That was a long read but it's not often that a girl meets two hot guys in one day! How lucky. I think you should take it slow and go out with both of them until you can sense which one is going to lead to a more serious relationship. You don't have to tell them about each other, but you can mention that you are not exclusive with them until you spend enough time to make a commitment to each other to be faithful and exclusive. For all you know, both the guys may have other women they are seeing on the side as well. It seems that most men date more than one girl at once until they are in love with one of them, whereas women are trained to date one guy at a time. It is too early to choose one over the other. Date them both and see who is the long term material. Who knows, you might have great sex with Guy #1 that will compensate for the "future" you see in Guy #2's eyes lol and his *** may become your future As for the age difference, unless an issue comes up that is problematic, I wouldn't worry about it for now. Keep us posted - lucky!!!
Author SummerRae Posted March 14, 2005 Author Posted March 14, 2005 Fun2beme, Thanx for your feedback, I really appreciate it. Yes, that's a good point about the differences btwn men and women with regards to relationships. When I told my friend about it, he's like M_____, you don't HAVE to tell either of these guys. It's none of their businesses until you are exclusively seeing them. True.
alphamale Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 you know nothing about these guys and are putting the cart before the horse. don't name your future children before the first date. date them both for a while and get to know them. you may find that some of your first impressions may be wrong. slow and easy.
Sckott Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 Agree. Give both of these guys a chance and get a feeling for who and how they are.
Mz. Pixie Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 YAY for you! I say get to know both of them and then later on as things heat up you can make a decision. So far, #2 sounds like the winner but you never know that could change. Age is just a number anyway- has he ever been married??
alphamale Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie Age is just a number anyway- you are right MZ PIXIE. but when a 40 yr old dude starts having sex with a 16 yr old girl it is funny how the "age is just a number" lands him in prison.
Mz. Pixie Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 Well, I wasn't exactly talking about situations like that Alpha.
Author SummerRae Posted March 14, 2005 Author Posted March 14, 2005 40 years old and NO never been married, no kids. Very handsome man, but nice too!! So what's wrong w/ him? Alphamale, I'm hardly 16 years old!
alphamale Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by SummerRae 40 years old and NO never been married, no kids. Very handsome man, but nice too!! So what's wrong w/ him? what is wrong with him SUMMERRAE is that this dude is 40 and never been married. That is a big red flag. He is most likely a confirmed bachelor and chances of him ever marrying are slim. So if you are lookin' to get married and have kids eventually then you are most likely barking up the wrong tree...
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 what is wrong with him SUMMERRAE is that this dude is 40 and never been married. That is a big red flag. He is most likely a confirmed bachelor and chances of him ever marrying are slim. Can't...stop...can't...resist....ahhhh.... Alpha, you're pushing 40 and yeah, you're divorced. Still single. I wonder if ow out there have red flags about you, cuz you just decribed yourself eh!
EC Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 UMM... I mean what can you do? You have no one when your looking and then when your not BOOM! You get 2 guys! lol I was always brought up to date one guy at a time..(besides I can't handle the emotional stress of having more than one) lol..... You said you can see you future in #1's eyes...hello do you need more than that? Of course you do but I mean you usually dont see your future in everyones eyes.... As for number 2...40..not married ever...and he said that girl that was all over him he had just met that night right? Ya think he woulda went home with her instead had you not gotten there? I think you just want his sex....So screw him, get it out of your system then date guy # 1. Problem solved.
alphamale Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup Can't...stop...can't...resist....ahhhh.... Alpha, you're pushing 40 and yeah, you're divorced. Still single. I wonder if ow out there have red flags about you, cuz you just decribed yourself eh! but i was married at 27 for 3 yrs. and, i tell women up front i prob won't get married and really don't want kids. if they decide to stick around, great. if not, then there are tons of other women.
Mz. Pixie Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 Yeah, it is strange that he's 40 and never been married. I would wonder what's up with that myself. It could be that he never found the right person.
Author SummerRae Posted March 15, 2005 Author Posted March 15, 2005 he was engaged once. They had the wedding day booked. Then fiance had to move to Cali (for her Master's) and he returned "home". The distance was too hard to sustain. To me, this is legitimate. Only time will tell. But I would hate for someone to say that "there's something wrong w/ me cause I'm still single." That's aweful. I mean, I just haven't met the right person, and does it make a difference if I'm single at 40 or single at 25??? That whole idea infuriates me, sorry!
KissMyTiara Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 Originally posted by SummerRae he was engaged once. They had the wedding day booked. Then fiance had to move to Cali (for her Master's) and he returned "home". The distance was too hard to sustain. To me, this is legitimate. Only time will tell. But I would hate for someone to say that "there's something wrong w/ me cause I'm still single." That's aweful. I mean, I just haven't met the right person, and does it make a difference if I'm single at 40 or single at 25??? That whole idea infuriates me, sorry! How do you know that already when you just met the guy? Honestly, I don't think it's too great an idea to be having those sorts of convos so early on in the game!
CurvyGurl Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 40 and never married is not as bad as it used to be.... remember how bad it used to be to be a 30 yr old woman and unmarried. OLD MAID! ACK! If you like them both, date them both until one proves himself to be the better choice for you. Maybe neither of them will, but nixing a man just because he is 40 and unmarried is just plain silly.
alphamale Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 Originally posted by CurvyGurl 40 and never married is not as bad as it used to be ...but nixing a man just because he is 40 and unmarried is just plain silly. I disagree CURVYGURL. If she is looking for marriage and kids he is probably a bad choice. Multiple studies have shown that with every passing year that a man or woman stays never-married their chance of eventually marrying goes down, and down and down. For example a man who has never been married at 35 may have a 50% chance of every marrying. A man who is 40 and never married may have a 15% chance of every marrying and a man who is 50 and never married may have a 5% chance of every marrying (these #s are made up but u get the point).
Mary3 Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 I have also read statistics that say if a man has not married by the age of 38 he is usually a confirmed bachelor set in his ways.... The big red flag here is the RUSH for both men and imagining ALL the possibilites in one nite ! Now imagine this possibilty : Date them both....slowly.....learn , learn , learn ALL YOU CAN about BOTH . Take as MUCH time as YOU WANT ! DO NOT commit to either until you get to KNOW them and after 3 months one of them is likely to still be around...that would be the one to have a relationship with :") In 3 months *neither* could be around.....and you know its all a learning experience down the long road to finding the man that is VERY RIGHT for you
Groovy Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 Some people like to get through college or grad school, get a career and a house before we think of marraige. I happen to be one of those people so getting married early for me would've been hard. I know a friend who got married when he was 55. I even read an article in the paper where some gal got married for her first time when she was 88 years old. Hey, ya never know. Don't diss him just because he's been single and 40. Good advice on dating both though. I could bet a million bucks they are seeing other people themselves this early on.
kgal Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 I think you should get to know both... dating is dating.... so date! Have a great time and listen to your gut! Who knows.. you might meet 2 more guys tomorrow! It's fun tho, isn't it? Just enjoy yourself.. let us know how things go!
Author SummerRae Posted March 15, 2005 Author Posted March 15, 2005 Thanx Kgal, I must admit, as I thought about my gittyness the other night (when I created this post), I feel a little foolish about my optimism and excitement. I acted like a high school girl full of naivitee! I guess the truth is, I realize I'm finally over my ex and the fact that the prospects of love are so exciting to me reinforce that. Last night though, I had to check myself when my dreamy fantasy's were getting out of hand. The truth is, I'm a hopeless romantic and when I had my heart broken last year, I never ever thought I'd reclaim that so when I actually met two guys who **APPEARED** to have the qualities I have been yearning to find (ie, intellect, great conversation skills, manners, gentleness, good listening skills) I clapped my hands together in joy (a little too loudly, I might add). A good man is hard to find. Or perhaps it is not a good man that's hard to find but the chemistry that really makes your heart go pitter-patter. I'm a pretty intuitive woman and usually my hunches come true. I will not go into this blindly, or at least I will try my hardest not to. I have vowed to keep my busy schedule the way it is and if either one of these "suitors" earn my trust, I will create time slots for them in my life. I just need to believe in the prospect of romance. If not, I will undoubtedly be bound to mass pessimism of the prospect of a life of spinsterhood. Not exactly a friendly thought. I'll keep u all posted. Thank you everyone for your words (even if some of them aroused a little anger, it is good to be realistic!)
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