adrian77 Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 I never really pushed the issue but I've been told that it is very selfish that he won't. He claims he had a bad experience once where the girl had her period. I told him I would never do that. I bought this flavored oral gel. I said I would clean, shave, douche (not like I don't clean or shave but I was just trying to help him feel more comfortable) and be completely fresh and with the oral gel in a fruity flavor that would a bonus and he still won't do it. I know if he ever started to though he wouldn't do it long and probably leave me hot and bothered saying he was too tired. I thought most men liked to do it?
Shining One Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 I thought most men liked to do it?I don't know if this is the case. While I haven't talked to any other men about this, more than half the women I've been with told me that I'm the only guy who has gone down on them for more than a few seconds. 1
veggirl Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 omg! first of all, don't douche. that's unhealthy and unneccessary second of all, is your husband 15 yrs old???? ONE GIRL had her period so he will NEVER GIVE HEAD AGAIN???? do you give him head? 2
CarrieT Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 Adrian, it is - sadly - very common. I am 50 now and went from my 20s to my 40s (and over 300 sexual partners) with only a handful of guys who were interested in going down on me. I can count on one hand the men who were able to actually give me an orgasm via the tongue. It sounds like you are in an untenable situation with your husband that no amount of begging, cajoling, or compromising is going to fix. You will either have to learn to live with it or consider ending the relationship. Curious why you didn't discover this before the marriage.... 2
GoodOnPaper Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 I thought most men liked to do it? If LS stories are any guide, it's quite a mixed bag -- some men like to do it, a lot don't. I like to do it but my wife of over 20 years has never let me. Sort of like how you always seem to read on LS about high-libido women ending up with low-libido men and vice versa.
KatZee Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 My ex boyfriend was like this. We were together for almost 3 years and I think he went down on me MAYBE a handful of times. He pulled the same excuses, "Oh, I had a bad experience in the past." "I've been traumatized." "I don't like it." "I don't like it" turned into, "I don't know what I'm doing that's why I don't do it." That turned into, "The vagina is the ugliest part of a woman." He of course had NO PROBLEM laying back and getting bj's and requesting bj's all the time. Yes, it's selfish behavior. I should have just stopped oral at that point with him all together. Turns out he was just as selfish in all other aspects of life as he was with oral. Everything had to be about him, only his needs/wants/expectations mattered. I also think he was a closet homosexual, or at least a closet bi-sexual. He had this really weird "hate" of gay people, would say it was gross, couldn't be around them. I think it was a self-hate thing, in his case. Who knows. My ex was the only person I've ever encountered who didn't love oral. I've had guys stay down on me for ages and ages and who have said they loved it with me. 2
eye of the storm Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 With all things sexual, some people are into some things, some people aren't. But, you should never be made to feel ashamed of your wants, your needs, or your boundaries. He stated a boundary. You may not like it, you may not feel the reason is valid. But it should be respected. Some men don't enjoy it. I know some women who hate giving BJs. Respect and communication are very important. 2
Author adrian77 Posted November 2, 2014 Author Posted November 2, 2014 I offer to give him BJ'S all the time and he doesn't want them. He once told me he felt guilty since he doesn't return the favor but I don't know. He also once almost said he doesn't know how to but stopped before he said it. How can you not know? Even I would know how to. Lol.
CarrieT Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 He also once almost said he doesn't know how to but stopped before he said it. You may have hit the real crux of the situation. He may not have experience and would rather not disappoint than admit he doesn't know what he's doing. How can you not know? Seriously - were you born knowing how to drive a car? Everything has to be taught and many tasks are not intuitive. Sounds like you have some serious communication issues if you two can't be completely open and honest about your wants and needs. 1
WhatIsLove2014 Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 Its not strange. My guy has done it maybe 4 times in the the 3 minthgs we've been dating. I can live without it. But if you want it, y'all need to seriously sit down and talk about it, not just stew.
newmoon Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 an ex once told me he stopped doing it for one girl because she smelled bad. but that didn't stop him with me, and no one else has ever *not* done it. i would say he probably just doesn't want to, because one or two off-putting experiences shouldn't be enough to deter him, especially since this is a marriage and not just dating. but i certainly wouldn't be doing him any favors either until you talk it out or start getting what you'd like. problem is, he might be one of those reluctant ones and i'm sure that'd be even worse than having him not do it at all. nothing worse than knowing someone is doing something they really dislike. talk it over, it's a marriage - communicate.
mr_dave Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 Wow, I feel sorry for you OP. I absolutely love to do it to a woman, it's such a turn on just thinking about it! I need to find myself a girlfriend!
CrystalCastles Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 That turned into, "The vagina is the ugliest part of a woman." Wow, I can't believe I just read that. I hope you stopped blowing him after that. OP, I love receiving just as much as I love giving. My man gives me oral as much as I want, and doesn't stop until I orgasm, every time. I've had male friends tell me the same thing KatZee wrote, though. How vaginas are gross and dirty and no way he's putting his mouth there (of course, each one of those male friends expects unlimited BJs). It always baffles me, how a man expresses his disgust at vaginas, yet expects to receive unlimited blow jobs? Sorry, but penises aren't all that beautiful, they don't smell like roses and cum doesn't taste like chocolate cake, hate to break it to ya. Also, please stop douching. You can get all kinds of infections from doing that. Don't put your health at risk. Did you verbalize how a lack of oral leaves you unsatisfied? How important it is to you? I think CarrieT is right- he's probably just worried about looking inexperienced. In that case, its important to reassure him and guide him. Communicate about what you want. 1
Gloria25 Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 Ummm.... Well, could it be issues of your physical attractions and/or insecurities? You did post recently how both of you are having some issues with weight?
dj572 Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 I love performing oral on a woman and I don't need any added flavors. I love how a woman tastes. Mmmm it's been awhile since I've had the opportunity to perform I miss it but I digress. In my opinion it is selfish that he won't. I went down on an ex once and she had started her period and it wasn't a big deal. She freaked out when she realized and apologized but it really wasn't that bad and it never slowed me down.
Emerald_11 Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 If he knows you might like it and he refuses to try it with you in my opinion that IS being selfish. Even if he is not experienced you could tell him what you like and he could try to learn how to please you in that way. You should not be made to feel like you are too dirty for him ever! In the past I have only had one boyfriend that never did that for me and I ended up breaking up with him for various reasons. I don't think I can be in a relationship with a person who would never do that for me because its so amazing!
clia Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 I offer to give him BJ'S all the time and he doesn't want them. He once told me he felt guilty since he doesn't return the favor but I don't know. He also once almost said he doesn't know how to but stopped before he said it. How can you not know? Even I would know how to. Lol. Maybe he just doesn't like oral sex -- giving or receiving?
toolforgrowth Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 With all things sexual, some people are into some things, some people aren't. But, you should never be made to feel ashamed of your wants, your needs, or your boundaries. He stated a boundary. You may not like it, you may not feel the reason is valid. But it should be respected. Some men don't enjoy it. I know some women who hate giving BJs. Respect and communication are very important. A thousand times this. I personally love giving oral to women, but I know many women who don't like giving oral to men. We're told to just respect their wishes and go without. That's a two way street as far as I'm concerned. If he doesn't like it, he doesn't like it. That's his boundary. You wouldn't like it if he pressured you into doing something you don't enjoy, and I imagine that he probably feels the same way. I'm not coming down in you at all, OP. And my XW very rarely gave me oral, so I honestly feel your pain. If you are otherwise sexually compatible, I'd say let this go. If this is one of many issues in the bedroom, then couples therapy may be in order.
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