Toodaloo Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 I am sure we can all relate to that moment when we see someone we really like and then can't think of how to approach them with out feeling like a complete idiot or fearing being rejected. I have been reading a lot over the past few months. On here, books, articles. I have also been thinking about the situations I have been in and playing them out in my mind etc. I have gone back to my old time fav of people watching... I have come to a conclusion - We are all doing it wrong. We are all thinking in the wrong way and putting the cart before the horse. The great looking gal/ guy doesn't have loads of men flocking round her/ him because we all assume that they do already... The polls on when BOTH women and men last got asked out show that. Answer - if we approach we have already knocked out 99% of the competition because they don't have the balls to approach in the first place. Even if we get knocked back the other person is still going to think that we are brave and have balls - what is wrong or bad about being brave??? Nothing! We all are scared that we are going to be "rejected" and that we will have to do the walk of shame back to our friends or walk away feeling a berk... Answer - the truth is we don't even know these people. Would you be afraid or upset of being rejected by a mad axe murderer or a money grabber or a shallow person? No. So how do we know if that person is any of those things before we speak to them? We don't. So instead of looking at it as striking up conversations with the gal/ guy that is oh so hot to look at... why don't we see it as striking up a conversation with a person that we might get to know and that we might like once we get to know them... So they may have a partner already or they might not be the person we want to be with but sure as eggs is eggs they will have friends and family that they may want to introduce us to who might be the one for us... Guys I think you are great. I enjoy being around you. I like the differences between the genders and I want one of you in my life. So while I am still not going to be the one who actually asks "will you go on a date with me" I am going to push myself to strike up conversations about random cr@p and get to know you. If I like you I am going to be as blunt as a bull in a china shop that I want you to ask me out. I am going to try and give you a hand here. Give me a hand here too and talk back to me when I speak to you. Help me out with this, as a relationship is not one person going it alone. Strike up conversations with girls like me. Heck strike up conversations with all and sundry just to get practice! A few months ago I was at a party. Please just bear in mind when I talk about this that I was in a different place to where I am now but anyway I digress. There was a chap there that I was very interested in despite not wanting to "be" with anyone. Classic staring across the room. Just staring for up to 2 minutes at a time. This went on for half an hour or more. Nothing happened. I assumed he wasn't making a move because he had a wife/ girlfriend so I didn't move, not a smile, nothing to encourage him at all in any way shape or form. Got to stick with the sisterhood right and I am not going for sloppy seconds. He was so handsome too, very good looking... I later found out that he is in fact single has been for some time, is a decent sort of bloke and open to offers! So looking back, the chances were that he was looking at me trying to figure out how the hell to say hello. I didn't know this. There is no neon sign saying this the same as there isn't for you chaps. In hindsight what I should have done was walk over and say that I saw him looking at me and was it because I had something in my teeth or straw sticking out of my hair... Then laughed and talked to him, found out if he was single/ attached etc rather than just assume. Now I have no reason to see him again with out hunting him down like a stalker or becoming a crazed mad woman... Neither of which I want to be so I am not going to do! Who knows what he thinks... Same party, another man came over and said hello, ok so he had bit of an advantage as he had known me for a couple of years, asked if I was having a good time etc. We spent the rest of the night having an absolute ball, laughing, joking etc. I made it clear that I was looking forward to seeing him again. He asked for my number- he got it there and then. If he had asked me out on a date he would have got it there and then. Simply because we spoke. He didn't ask that night but he did later and he got it. Shame he was messed up and it wasn't going to work. This guy is not good looking in the conventional sense. He will not be on any bill boards in fact his grumpy face could make small children cry. His body is out of proportion, gone grey early and so on and so forth. To me he is stunning. I have to look hard to find those bad points. I have to actively search for the ugliness. This is my point about mens looks meaning sod all in many of my previous posts on threads. The point is even if he hadn't known me before to get to know me he had to say hello at some point! I was with a group of friends some of who would have intimidated him as they are highly successful and very well respected/ revered by their peers. That night we got to know each other far better than we had done before simply because he had balls. So come on guys. I have read what you have said, I have had a glimpse into who many of you are and I think that many of you are very special, wonderful people. Help girls like me, who are living in your town/ city actually see how beautiful you are. That way we all may have a shot of finding ACTUAL HAPPINESS rather than just discussing why we are not happy or moaning about it on here... Enjoy the rest of your weekend folks. Toodaloo. 2
Author Toodaloo Posted November 3, 2014 Author Posted November 3, 2014 Update. I am keeping to my word. Saw 2 lovely looking chaps and struck up conversation, flirted, they flirted back... Sadly as they walked away I saw them hold hands so pretty obvious that I was out of luck there... and yes I did feel bit of a pillock. Then I thought to myself, they were flirting back so they must have enjoyed it, they both had smiles on their faces and I enjoyed it so while I may have been a prat actually I have met two lovely chaps so where is the down side? 3
Priv Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Update. I am keeping to my word. Saw 2 lovely looking chaps and struck up conversation, flirted, they flirted back... Sadly as they walked away I saw them hold hands so pretty obvious that I was out of luck there... and yes I did feel bit of a pillock. Then I thought to myself, they were flirting back so they must have enjoyed it, they both had smiles on their faces and I enjoyed it so while I may have been a prat actually I have met two lovely chaps so where is the down side? That's awesome! And I think you are totally right. Like attracts like. It is the be all end all of dating
Frank2thepoint Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Guys I think you are great. I enjoy being around you. I like the differences between the genders and I want one of you in my life. So while I am still not going to be the one who actually asks "will you go on a date with me" I am going to push myself to strike up conversations about random cr@p and get to know you. If I like you I am going to be as blunt as a bull in a china shop that I want you to ask me out. I am going to try and give you a hand here. Thanks for sharing Toodaloo. There needs to be more women like you in NYC, who think like you about promoting an easier experience between the genders at conversing and getting to know each other. 1
Author Toodaloo Posted November 5, 2014 Author Posted November 5, 2014 (edited) OK - I have been slacking over the past couple of days. The women bashing threads had me feeling a bit glum and I just wanted to retreat into my little corner where I know I am difficult to find and hide... Time to woman up and grow a pair of boobs and get going again! Sorry folks but growing a pair of balls just will not work for me (even if I would have a better chance with the gay guys!!!)... I have made the most miserable bloke I know (he never smiles, never raises a hand in greeting and is really grumpy in character) actually smile! In five years I have never once seen him smile and oh what a smile! It was like the Christmas lights coming on! I suddenly realized he is really really good looking too... Was bit of a shock, I had no idea a super stud was working round the corner. So a new day begins of trying to talk to strangers! Wish me luck! Edited November 5, 2014 by Toodaloo Spellings! 1
Frank2thepoint Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Time to woman up and grow a pair of boobs and get going again! As a man, I approve of boobies. I have made the most miserable bloke I know (he never smiles, never raises a hand in greeting and is really grumpy in character) actually smile! In five years I have never once seen him smile and oh what a smile! You have the patience of a saint. Hopefully it doesn't take five years to get a date with him.
Got it Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Great job! You want something, go after it. Like you said, who cares about rejection/failure. It is a lesson learned and usually a silver lining tied to it. Life is too short to focus on "what could happen", just leap and see what reality shows you. I promise, you won't regret trying. You will regret never trying and what could have been. 1
Author Toodaloo Posted November 5, 2014 Author Posted November 5, 2014 As a man, I approve of boobies. Good to hear Frank! Good to hear! At least I have something attractive to go on!!! If all else fails make sure my under wire is still put to good use rather than me using them as a convenient place to store a spare pen! You have the patience of a saint. Hopefully it doesn't take five years to get a date with him. After 5 years of waving to the miserable sod to only get a smile now I don't think I do ever want a date with him... It may take anothe r5 years to get a hello so conversation wouldn't go far would it!!! I still consider it an achievement though! I am going for it Got It - after all what have I got to lose? In reality absolutely nothing but I do possibly have a lot to gain. If I don't gain anything at least you guys can be amused with my little stories...!!! Oh and I got chatting to a random bloke at the garage but sadly he was trying to ask out the girl behind the counter not me... I did get her a date for Friday though
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