Teknoe Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 Ever been single so long that you just become accustomed to it? You know, no need to compromise. No need to sacrifice. You just live for yourself. Wanna watch a horror movie at 1 AM? Done. Wanna bum around and wear PJs all day on a Sunday? Done. Wanna watch some wrestling or play some games? Done. These and other things are very "guy things" that a girl might not appreciate, enjoy or like. Well, I've grown used to it, and while I don't necessarily wish to be single forever, a large part of me has come to accept that if it does play out this way (i.e. bachelor for life) then I would be just fine. Unless of course I meet a cute lady who likes what I like too and is totally cool/chill. So on a dating website a girl is trying to get to know me. From her pictures I'm not sold, but I'm responding back just to see if it's possible. She initiated, so that's half the battle right there. Would like to meet her in person over coffee to see what's what. Have to admit, since she does not immediately rate as a "Wow!" in my eyes, that I'm a little scared if we hit it off. Will she be accepting of my hobbies? Or even lifestyle? Will I have to largely give up some of my habits or favorite pastimes? I've been single so long now that I'm just used to living for me. But in a serious relationship, somehow I don't think it will be the same as being single, obviously. Anyway, anyone else can relate, or has been able to relate in the past? Would love to hear stories. I'm hoping if we do meet in person that she will look better than her photos. Some people look much better IRL and I'm hoping she does. She's not ugly or anything, and I see more attraction potential with her than I do some of the other girls that have contacted me in the past but yeah... definitely didn't get my juices going at initial glance. Still, I want to give it a shot. A 1 on 1 meeting after all does not automatically equate to dating or being partners. Plus, I suppose I might as well get my money's worth. 1
Thegreatestthing Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 If you don't feel wow about her don't bother,although maybe she'll look better in person that's a possibility,you don't need to think about the relationship now it will happen organically anyway,yes you have to give up so much in a relationship sometimes I wonder why people do it,but then I think of how much love and support you get it's definately worth it.
Els Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 If you were actually looking for a R, I'd suggest you meet her once and see. But if you truly aren't looking for a R (and aren't looking for casual dating/sex)... why are you messaging women on a dating site to begin with? I mean, even if you DO meet a woman who 'likes what you like', there is always going to be a need to make compromises and sacrifices in a R. You technically can sit around the house in PJs or play games all Sunday if she's down with that... but there still WILL be times when you have to do things you don't like to make her happy. My SO absolutely does, even though we have many similar hobbies (and we wear PJs/undies in the house all the time! ). There is no magic bullet that allows you to have your cake and eat it too. 1
Toodaloo Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 Teknoe. If you were that happy then you wouldn't be on a dating site. Your not happy, your lethargic about it. If you are enjoying her company and the conversation you have with her then why not give it a go in real life and see if there is a spark. You could date the most gorgeous woman alive and still not want to sleep with her because she bores the balls off of you... How much is a coffee these days? Next to nothing and at least it would get you out of the house so you can pick up some more popcorn to eat while you watch the game later...
Author Teknoe Posted November 2, 2014 Author Posted November 2, 2014 If you were actually looking for a R, I'd suggest you meet her once and see. But if you truly aren't looking for a R (and aren't looking for casual dating/sex)... why are you messaging women on a dating site to begin with? I think I'm half looking, and then secretly happy when there's nothing happening. I'm messaging her back because I'm trying to open myself to the possibility that at some point, I should let people in. Maybe it starts again with her? I don't know, but she's been reaching out, and I am simply reaching back because maybe, just maybe, there is potential there.
heartshaped Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 Well being in a relationship is definitely different than being single, but it's not like you are attached at the hip to the person and will never be able to be alone again or have free will. I think just take everything a day at a time. I wasn't wowed by my current dating prospect either online or when we met in person, but I've had more in common with him than anyone else I've ever dated and we get along much better too.
avintagegirl Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 Ever been single so long that you just become accustomed to it? You know, no need to compromise. No need to sacrifice. You just live for yourself. Wanna watch a horror movie at 1 AM? Done. Wanna bum around and wear PJs all day on a Sunday? Done. Wanna watch some wrestling or play some games? Done. These and other things are very "guy things" that a girl might not appreciate, enjoy or like. Well, I've grown used to it, and while I don't necessarily wish to be single forever, a large part of me has come to accept that if it does play out this way (i.e. bachelor for life) then I would be just fine. Unless of course I meet a cute lady who likes what I like too and is totally cool/chill. So on a dating website a girl is trying to get to know me. From her pictures I'm not sold, but I'm responding back just to see if it's possible. She initiated, so that's half the battle right there. Would like to meet her in person over coffee to see what's what. Have to admit, since she does not immediately rate as a "Wow!" in my eyes, that I'm a little scared if we hit it off. Will she be accepting of my hobbies? Or even lifestyle? Will I have to largely give up some of my habits or favorite pastimes? I've been single so long now that I'm just used to living for me. But in a serious relationship, somehow I don't think it will be the same as being single, obviously. Anyway, anyone else can relate, or has been able to relate in the past? Would love to hear stories. I'm hoping if we do meet in person that she will look better than her photos. Some people look much better IRL and I'm hoping she does. She's not ugly or anything, and I see more attraction potential with her than I do some of the other girls that have contacted me in the past but yeah... definitely didn't get my juices going at initial glance. Still, I want to give it a shot. A 1 on 1 meeting after all does not automatically equate to dating or being partners. Plus, I suppose I might as well get my money's worth. She may not rate a WOW, but she could make for a good gf. Then there are some girls who would rate a WOW and be a snot. You should give it a chance. Why would you be afraid if you hit it off and she isn't a WOW? Isn't the point - hitting it off? Isn't that really what matters? You should meet her - she may be accepting of your hobbies and may even like a few. You might be surprised by what you see after you look past the surface. I get it - you have been single a long time - but a few dates isn't exactly a serious relationship. Have a coffee with her. She initiated contact with you - initiate a coffee date with her.
dragonfire13 Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 Ever been single so long that you just become accustomed to it? You know, no need to compromise. No need to sacrifice. You just live for yourself. Wanna watch a horror movie at 1 AM? Done. Wanna bum around and wear PJs all day on a Sunday? Done. Wanna watch some wrestling or play some games? Done. These and other things are very "guy things" that a girl might not appreciate, enjoy or like. Well, I've grown used to it, and while I don't necessarily wish to be single forever, a large part of me has come to accept that if it does play out this way (i.e. bachelor for life) then I would be just fine. I must have a guy's mentality because I feel exactly the same! It maybe because I got out of a disastrous longterm relationships quite a few months ago...I've dabbled in online dating but it's hard to get excited about someone you've never met...and even if you have, the chances of you feeling chemistry is slim. It does require effort to put yourself out there again but it doesn't help that the few dates Ive been on since coming out of my last relationship haven't been great, or the guys have turned out to be weirdos or players. I think when you meet someone that you spark with, that all changes. It just takes time. I'm pretty content being single for the time being and in a way, I think this puts me in a better position to be dating in the future as I won't settle for wholly unsuitable guys.
Author Teknoe Posted November 5, 2014 Author Posted November 5, 2014 We have a coffee date Saturday. Honestly, I have low expectations. Her pictures don't strike me as being attractive (much), and so far her writing has been very serious. I like a more playful lol kind of girl, but I am keeping an open mind as some people prefer to be very polite and serious especially early on. Point of the meeting is to see if there's sparks and chemistry. If not, I'll let her know afterward via email.
lino Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Wanna watch a horror movie at 1 AM? Done. Wanna bum around and wear PJs all day on a Sunday? Done. Wanna watch some wrestling or play some games? Done. I don't wear pyjamas or watch wrestling but why can't one do any of this stuff in a relationship? If my girlfriend ever told me I couldn't do any of those things, she'd no longer be my girlfriend. I wouldn't stop her from doing anything she enjoys. So long as she's faithful and shows me the affection I show her, that's all that matters to me. Why are you on a dating site if you're so happy being single?
Author Teknoe Posted November 5, 2014 Author Posted November 5, 2014 Why are you on a dating site if you're so happy being single? I feel like I'm on it half-heartedly though. I message girls trying to start some kind of dialogue, then when I get nothing in response part of me subconsciously goes, "Whew. Alright, singlehood it is, then." It's not like I want to be a bachelor forever. I would much rather find my awesome better half. Thus why I'm on the dating site. But I also know I am OK being single. Getting married and having a family is not the end all be all for me as it once was when I was 26-27.
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