murphyblue Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 I just want someone to chat with me. Every time I think I'm okay, it hits me like a tonne of bricks all over again. My anxiety and depression have returned. I was in the hospital over the summer because I wanted to kill myself. I don't know where to turn and I'm hoping someone has gone through something similar and can relate to me and help me out. At the beginning of this year, I was introduced to a friend of a friend. We hit it off almost immediately, and from then on we hung out quite a bit. I never do this, but after only a few weeks I slept with him, and he told me he wanted to pursue a relationship. He told me a few days later that he really liked me and wanted to continue seeing me, but wanted to take things slower as he had only been out of a two year relationship for 5 months (from his perspective, they lived together and she just packed up her things and left him one day). I agreed, and we continued seeing each other for a couple of months. In that span of time, he wouldn't stop gushing to our mutual friend about how crazy he was about me. He pursued me, and several times wanted me to stay with him a few nights a week (I would only stay twice a week). He wanted to ask me to be his girlfriend, and called our mutual friend four times in one day because he was nervous to do it. (At this point, his whole family knew about me, and I had met a bunch of his friends). When he did ask me, I said yes, and after two weeks of things going great, he just suddenly dumped me....over the phone no less. He did something minor that upset me, and I let him know. In retrospect, I could have been less annoyed with him for it, but it was a mistake. He ran at the first sign something was wrong. He had told our mutual friend a week prior that he really saw us being in a long term relationship, and the following week he just dumped me with no reason. I didn't contact him at all. Two weeks later, he was at our mutual friends house and was telling them he felt bad for how everything went and wasn't sure if he had done the right thing. A few days later, he told our friend he wanted to make things work, but I never heard from him. I ran into him at a gas station a couple days after that, and he told our friend that I was "cold, and didn't seem like I wanted to talk"....I was running late for work and not expecting to run into him. I texted him and told him I wanted to get together and chat when he was ready, and he said that would be good. I never heard from him. After a month, I wanted answers so I texted him to see if we could meet up. I had said something along the lines of " I was having a really great time with you and I would really like to work things out with you. Life is too short to not say whats on your mind, but if I don't hear from you, I'll know my answer" to which he replied something along the lines of "I was having a great time with you as well, and I panicked if I'm being honest. You're right, life is too short to live in fear and think in what ifs. Let's go for that walk this weekend if you're up for it" ....when we went for the walk two days later, he told me right off the bat that he never liked me and that it would never happen. He was cold and ruthless. I have not heard from him since. I have deleted his number, his messages, everything. There is no trace of him in my life, yet 8 MONTHS LATER I still cannot move on. I don't want to date anybody. I've forced myself to go out and meet people, but I have no interest in them. I've signed myself up for a few hobbies which temporarily help while I'm there, but the pain comes back immediately after. I have been going to counselling since it happened and it doesn't seem to help. I have anxiety attacks about running into him with someone new. My self-worth is shattered, and I truly feel like there is no one for me. He couldn't tell me what I did wrong, but told me that it must be something with me. I realize that it was more than likely his own issues with his ex's sudden departure, but he has shaken everything that I am with his nasty words. I KNOW I am a pretty, smart and wonderful person who deserves way better than this, but I cannot shake him and it's literally taking me for all I'm worth. I am fighting a losing battle it seems, and I won't meet anyone if I'm feeling like this. I have terrible anger issues because of him. I don't trust anyone anymore. I don't know what to do and all I want is to talk with someone who gets it. Someone who has been thrown away like they're nothing, just like I was. Please.
MissMoneyPenny Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 I was thrown away like I was nothing. My ex came to see me and said he wanted marriage and children and was all over me. A couple of months later he told me he was getting married to someone else! Told me her name! And shrugged his shoulders and said life moves on! I felt worthless. I felt like I never knew him at all. We were together on-and-off for a few years. Why couldn't he have just left me alone. I had moved on but he came back to me! Got all my hopes up for nothing! This happened last year. He's made me feel betrayed, bitter, worthless. Meanwhile he's now married and his life is all rosie. So yeah I know how you feel. We can't let the a**holes get the better of us. I've moved to a lush area, I've lost 15lbs and I'm going to find someone who treats me a million times better than he did! You deserve much better too. x
MissMoneyPenny Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 I just re-read you post. I just wanted to add that since he ditched me, I too have to battle depression, anxiety and I feel suicidal at times. It's not easy. You have to do whatever makes you feel better about yourself. Even little things like make-up and styling your hair. Eat well. You need to improve your self esteem. Decide how you'd like your life to be and then take one step at a time to work towards that. Tell yourself positive things. Don't let your inner voice say things like you failed or you 're not good enough. Be kind to yourself. Be your own cheerleader. Tell yourself that you're pretty, smart and you deserve to be treated well. x
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