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Seem to never be happy with what I have. Now I want my ex again?

Jonesy123

By Jonesy123
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Jonesy123 New Member

Jonesy123

Posted
Posted

I'm a 23 years old, and have been dating my current boyfriend for a little over a year. Although, my current boyfriend is absolutely the best, I can't help constantly dwelling over my past and comparing him to my ex-boyfriend. My ex-boyfriend was my first 'serious' relationship, but I never fully committed to him either. When I was with my ex, I was either comparing him to previous guys I had spoken to, or was constantly looking for something better. I wasn't satisfied with him, and never really considered myself to be in love. I was 19 when I first got with my ex, and left him a year ago, when I met my current boyfriend. I acknowledge that I was very immature when I was with my ex, and I made a lot of mistakes. I would go back and fix them, but it's too late.

 

I just feel like I'm making the same mistakes with my current boyfriend as well now. I just never seem to be happy with what I have, even when I'm fully aware of that what I have is the best? I end up comparing the current men in my life with ones in the past, and have the urge to go running back to my exes. If not that, I compare the current men in my life to men I could potentially meet in the future, and leave them as soon as I feel I can do better.

 

I know my behavior is absolutely destructive for not only myself but every single guy who pursues a relationship with me. I don't know what to do. Why can't I learn to value what I have when I have it? Why am I constantly living in my past? At this point, I think I would have ran back to my ex already (as I have made numerous attempts to contact him again) - but the only thing that stops me from doing that is 'what if I go back to my ex, and then realize my current bf was the better choice?' It's so bad. I just want to lead a normal love-life, and enjoy the relationships I am in without dwelling over the past, and not valuing my present.

 

During most of my relationship with my current boyfriend, I didn't really think about how cruel I was to my ex and how I left him. But after every month or two, I go into this phase where ALL I do is think about my ex, how amazing he was, start trying to contact him again - completely ignoring my current boyfriend. And then, my ex will think I want him again, and when I realize 'oh wait no, my current bf is better' I stop thinking about my ex again. This time my ex cut off ALL means of contact, and now that I'm in that phase again, I feel helpless and depressed that all my chances with my ex are done and over with. But I'm sure within 2-3 weeks, I'll go back to being all lovey dovey with my current bf, and forget about my ex all over again?

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SoThatHappened Established Member

SoThatHappened

Posted
Posted

You're all over the place.

 

Take out the variables and find the solution you're looking for.

 

The variables are guys.

 

Be single until you figure yourself out.

dclan Established Member

dclan

Posted
Posted

This is funny :lmao:

 

You are basicly in a relationship not because you love any of them, but because you rather have them based on what they can offer you.

 

Here is the thing: you base your relationship on relationship aspects, not on what you feel for them

 

If you like/love someone, then you want to be in a relationship with them, despite the good or the bad. Not because one is better than the other.

 

Seriously a disgusting way of looking at relationships. Specially at such a young age.

 

I know I sound like a complete jerk right now, but the truth is:

 

WHO do you like better?

 

Then thats the choice you should make. You are not satisfied with your relationships, because you are more interested on what they have to offer, not on who they are.

hurts2death Established Member

hurts2death

Posted
Posted

it is obvious you are suffering from some kind of disorder.(sounds like borderline)

 

who told you or learned you that relationships are like products? you dont make up with someone cause he is better. there is no better. each one is unique.

 

and my advice is to

 

break up with current bf cause its not nice to treat him like that.

 

lay lo from relationships and when you least expect it a guy will apear and you will feel sth special.

I'm a 23 years old, and have been dating my current boyfriend for a little over a year. Although, my current boyfriend is absolutely the best, I can't help constantly dwelling over my past and comparing him to my ex-boyfriend. My ex-boyfriend was my first 'serious' relationship, but I never fully committed to him either. When I was with my ex, I was either comparing him to previous guys I had spoken to, or was constantly looking for something better. I wasn't satisfied with him, and never really considered myself to be in love. I was 19 when I first got with my ex, and left him a year ago, when I met my current boyfriend. I acknowledge that I was very immature when I was with my ex, and I made a lot of mistakes. I would go back and fix them, but it's too late.

 

I just feel like I'm making the same mistakes with my current boyfriend as well now. I just never seem to be happy with what I have, even when I'm fully aware of that what I have is the best? I end up comparing the current men in my life with ones in the past, and have the urge to go running back to my exes. If not that, I compare the current men in my life to men I could potentially meet in the future, and leave them as soon as I feel I can do better.

 

I know my behavior is absolutely destructive for not only myself but every single guy who pursues a relationship with me. I don't know what to do. Why can't I learn to value what I have when I have it? Why am I constantly living in my past? At this point, I think I would have ran back to my ex already (as I have made numerous attempts to contact him again) - but the only thing that stops me from doing that is 'what if I go back to my ex, and then realize my current bf was the better choice?' It's so bad. I just want to lead a normal love-life, and enjoy the relationships I am in without dwelling over the past, and not valuing my present.

 

During most of my relationship with my current boyfriend, I didn't really think about how cruel I was to my ex and how I left him. But after every month or two, I go into this phase where ALL I do is think about my ex, how amazing he was, start trying to contact him again - completely ignoring my current boyfriend. And then, my ex will think I want him again, and when I realize 'oh wait no, my current bf is better' I stop thinking about my ex again. This time my ex cut off ALL means of contact, and now that I'm in that phase again, I feel helpless and depressed that all my chances with my ex are done and over with. But I'm sure within 2-3 weeks, I'll go back to being all lovey dovey with my current bf, and forget about my ex all over again?

MrBossMan Established Member

MrBossMan

Posted
Posted
it is obvious you are suffering from some kind of disorder.(sounds like borderline)

 

who told you or learned you that relationships are like products? you dont make up with someone cause he is better. there is no better. each one is unique.

 

and my advice is to

 

break up with current bf cause its not nice to treat him like that.

 

lay lo from relationships and when you least expect it a guy will apear and you will feel sth special.

 

I agree that it sounds like borderline personality disorder. They value partners for their ability to meet "needs" and not for their intrinsic value... like loving money vs loving art.

 

OP, please seek professional help. Speak to a therapist who specializes in personality disorders. This is serious.

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