we got in a fight defining our relationship and now he won't answer my calls?

[camp8989]

We got in a fight about defining our relationship a few days ago. I think he's scared from past experiences about taking things further (he's only ever been in one relationship that lasted 7 years, his only relationship ever). I tried to call and apologize for springing the conversation on him but I have heard nothing and I'm worried, so I called again the next day and no answer, I'm not going to call again. We've been on and off before, but known each other for years,, and he was the one who made the big effort to get back into my life this last time after we broke things off last december because we wanted different things, then I went abroad for 5 months and he started calling all summer so I finally answered and things were going great. we got in one other fight about this same topic before and I told him I'd never talk to him again if he left, and he got really sad and said please don't say that I know you don't mean it, please. but I'm really worried he won't call back or he's really mad or something else I don't know. So the same night I called him the second time, I also sent him a text not to call, that everything was just in a very bad place, but that it didn't mean I never wanted to talk to him again. I feel like things could be great if he could just sit down and talk about this with me. Is it a good idea to wait a few weeks/month to call him? what should I do? and also, would he really try to end things between us by doing this??

[beach]

Sure... He may have ended it already.

 

You wanted a commitment. You had a conversation about something he doesn't want. Now he's giving you nothing.

 

I'd say it's safe to say it's over. Unless you intend to force a guy to care about you...but I wouldn't recommend that.

 

Get out there and meet someone who wants what you want - this guy isn't that guy.

 

After reading your history this union is just too much drama. He wants to use you and you want it to mean more than that... I'm sorry.

Edited November 1, 2014 by beach

[camp8989]

you don't think he just needs time to think and his emotions are making him angry? do you have experience with guys who have done this before? I feel like it would be really unusual and cruel to break up with me by just never answering me again when he has always been the one trying to get me back. he has not been using me, we didn't even have sex until the 3rd time we hung out this past time, and he never pushed it, so I don't know where you got that.

[newmoon]

you don't think he just needs time to think and his emotions are making him angry? do you have experience with guys who have done this before? I feel like it would be really unusual and cruel to break up with me by just never answering me again when he has always been the one trying to get me back. he has not been using me, we didn't even have sex until the 3rd time we hung out this past time, and he never pushed it, so I don't know where you got that.

 

if he does need time and distance to get over it then why don't you stop calling and texting?

[CarrieT]

Look at your game playing:

I tried to call

so I called again the next day

So the same night I called him the second time, I also sent him a text not to call

 

You call, you call, you call and then you text to NOT CALL?

 

Jeez, already - let it go and just consider it ended.

[spiderowl]

We got in a fight about defining our relationship a few days ago. I think he's scared from past experiences about taking things further (he's only ever been in one relationship that lasted 7 years, his only relationship ever). I tried to call and apologize for springing the conversation on him but I have heard nothing and I'm worried, so I called again the next day and no answer, I'm not going to call again. We've been on and off before, but known each other for years,, and he was the one who made the big effort to get back into my life this last time after we broke things off last december because we wanted different things, then I went abroad for 5 months and he started calling all summer so I finally answered and things were going great. we got in one other fight about this same topic before and I told him I'd never talk to him again if he left, and he got really sad and said please don't say that I know you don't mean it, please. but I'm really worried he won't call back or he's really mad or something else I don't know. So the same night I called him the second time, I also sent him a text not to call, that everything was just in a very bad place, but that it didn't mean I never wanted to talk to him again. I feel like things could be great if he could just sit down and talk about this with me. Is it a good idea to wait a few weeks/month to call him? what should I do? and also, would he really try to end things between us by doing this??

 

It seems you have fallouts over this same issue a few times and each time he's come out the winner. You've given up on your ideas of defining the relationship until your feelings get the better of you and you get involved in another discussion with him. This guy is calling the shots about how things stand. That's fine if you are both in agreement with what the relationship is/should be.

 

I know you want him back but do you want to compromise all the time? Is it time perhaps to get out of this relationship and find someone who wants the same as you? If you do want it to be different, why give in to him? I know loneliness and feeling attached to a person can make it seem like the only option sometimes, but this will keep recurring unless you suppress your deepest needs. Don't your needs matter too?