sunshine n rain Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 I've been dating this guy for 3 months. We get along very well and he's very nice. As of lately, I feel like he has put me on the back burner. In the last almost 3 weeks, we've been on 1 date. We talk pretty much everyday but usually only for like an hour or 2. However, I initiate about 95% of the time, usually in the morning telling him to have a good day and some other sweet stuff and he texts me when he gets off of work. I don't play games, I initiate because I want to talk to him, so its not a big deal. However, this past week, I guess ball season has started so our conversations have not only diminished but lack any type of depth compared to our previous conversations. I know he works a lot and for him to want to watch a game isn't a big deal. But we only normally talk for a couple hours when he gets off work (sometimes more if he gets off work earlier, which hasn't been the case lately). So if he gets home at 7:30 or 8, the game is on, I might get 4 texts...then the game is over but he is sleepy and goes to bed. I know its not a big deal for people who are dating not to text all day, everyday and I'm not expecting that. But our communication has been consistent since the day we met. 6\7 days a week, for a few hours a day. We used to go on at least 2 dates a week, now we are moving down to once every 2 weeks. I know he is busy with work. But just last week he told me, he was glad I was in his life and he know he isn't great at expressing how he feels and that he can be cold and distant but will work on it. I just don't want to be that girl that you see on boards that are so blind to these men, they see the good and try to justify the bad. I just need a different prospective and a reality check. If I'm overreacting, let me know. But if I'm not, then I will talk to him about it.
preraph Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 First, I'm shocked you're staying on the phone with him for 2 hours a day. That's way too much! You need to leave some mystery. What is there left to know about you for him to even want to spend face time? What is left to talk about if you tell him everything on the phone? You have to make someone want to be with you face to face and make it where if they want to know you, that's what it takes. He doesn't sound at all very gung-ho about this relationship. I'm glad you don't expect him to text back all day. I just think if he was really into you, he'd have seen you more face to face, but that you're not letting him crave you because you're with him every day on the phone. You need to stop all that and wait for his call and not talk forever and wait for him to ask you out.
heartshaped Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 The question is are you happy with the amount of contact and/or dates. Personally, I think one date in three weeks would be too infrequent for me.
mortensorchid Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 I am afraid to tell you a few things, but I am still hoping that you see a few others. First, once you are past the 3 month marker, you start to experience a bit of a cool off in that there aren't as many new and exciting things to learn about a person as there was when you first met. Second, you are settling into a routine which might seem like a bad thing to the person who has never been in a long term relationship before (which you did not mention, which is important). Third, talking on the phone for 2 hours a day is not how you go about things unless it is something important EVERY DAY. I had a former friend who was so needy and clingy he would send a chat request every night on Facebook even though I turned off the IM to him, would not respond to his calls or texts, and everytime I did a check in on Facebook would respond to it (like once or twice I went to see a friend in the hospital and did a check in there - my phone was ringing off the hook until I said calm down please, just visiting a friend). The bad news is this: Based on what you said about your only having one get together in the last three weeks, he's about to dump you. He's phasing himself out of the picture by coming up with reasons or excuses or avoidance to how and why he can't see you. So get ready. 1
Author sunshine n rain Posted November 1, 2014 Author Posted November 1, 2014 First, I'm shocked you're staying on the phone with him for 2 hours a day. I just think if he was really into you, he'd have seen you more face to face, but that you're not letting him crave you because you're with him every day on the phone. You need to stop all that and wait for his call and not talk forever and wait for him to ask you out. He doesn't call me unless we need to have a serious conversation or we will talk about it in person. We only text for the most part. The question is are you happy with the amount of contact and/or dates. Personally, I think one date in three weeks would be too infrequent for me. No, I'm not. I got used to the 2-3 dates a week and for it to change like that made me think things were going downhill. I tried to excuse it because he works a lot of hours now, compared to when he used to. But like preraph said, if he wanted to see me then he would.
Author sunshine n rain Posted November 1, 2014 Author Posted November 1, 2014 I am afraid to tell you a few things, but I am still hoping that you see a few others. First, once you are past the 3 month marker, you start to experience a bit of a cool off in that there aren't as many new and exciting things to learn about a person as there was when you first met. Second, you are settling into a routine which might seem like a bad thing to the person who has never been in a long term relationship before (which you did not mention, which is important). Third, talking on the phone for 2 hours a day is not how you go about things unless it is something important EVERY DAY. The bad news is this: Based on what you said about your only having one get together in the last three weeks, he's about to dump you. He's phasing himself out of the picture by coming up with reasons or excuses or avoidance to how and why he can't see you. So get ready. That last part definitely hit hard, probably because I already knew that. I've never been dumped before...I don't even know how to prepare.
WhatIsLove2014 Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 I'm sorry to say but it does sound like things are coming to an end. Idk about you but I wouldn't wait to be dumped, maybe you should end it first.
Assasda Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 I've been dating this guy for 3 months. We get along very well and he's very nice. As of lately, I feel like he has put me on the back burner. In the last almost 3 weeks, we've been on 1 date. We talk pretty much everyday but usually only for like an hour or 2. However, I initiate about 95% of the time, usually in the morning telling him to have a good day and some other sweet stuff and he texts me when he gets off of work. I don't play games, I initiate because I want to talk to him, so its not a big deal. However, this past week, I guess ball season has started so our conversations have not only diminished but lack any type of depth compared to our previous conversations. I know he works a lot and for him to want to watch a game isn't a big deal. But we only normally talk for a couple hours when he gets off work (sometimes more if he gets off work earlier, which hasn't been the case lately). So if he gets home at 7:30 or 8, the game is on, I might get 4 texts...then the game is over but he is sleepy and goes to bed. I know its not a big deal for people who are dating not to text all day, everyday and I'm not expecting that. But our communication has been consistent since the day we met. 6\7 days a week, for a few hours a day. We used to go on at least 2 dates a week, now we are moving down to once every 2 weeks. I know he is busy with work. But just last week he told me, he was glad I was in his life and he know he isn't great at expressing how he feels and that he can be cold and distant but will work on it. I just don't want to be that girl that you see on boards that are so blind to these men, they see the good and try to justify the bad. I just need a different prospective and a reality check. If I'm overreacting, let me know. But if I'm not, then I will talk to him about it. Yeah, you talk to him a lot on the phone. OP you need to get your OWN life, you need to have your own friends. You need to have your own hobbies. Stop using this guy, to fill every void in your life. If you want to go out more, tell him that you want to go out more, but realize that sometimes this is NOT practical
AlwaysAKL Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 I just broke up with my boyfriend about 3 months ago for this same thing. We only saw each other on weekends. He worked third and I worked first shift. I had no problem with that, then he got to cancelling our dates on Saturday night, and want to come by Sunday for a few hours before work. He didn't have time for me. He had time for everything and everyone else. I wasn't happy with this and knew this was supposed to be the best times of our dating. I loved him very much but I knew I wouldn't be satisfied with this arrangement and that I obviously didn't mean as much to him as he did to me..I broke it off with him, I miss him but know I made the right decision. I want to find someone who wants to spend time with me...my advice is to move on. He isn't going to change
Author sunshine n rain Posted November 1, 2014 Author Posted November 1, 2014 Yeah, you talk to him a lot on the phone. OP you need to get your OWN life, you need to have your own friends. You need to have your own hobbies. Stop using this guy, to fill every void in your life. If you want to go out more, tell him that you want to go out more, but realize that sometimes this is NOT practical We text, not call. I have my own life, I have friends. I'm not using him to fill a void. If you like somebody, wouldn't you want to spend time with him? I'm not dating him because I'm lonely, I'm dating him because I like him. He obviously doesn't like me that much because he doesn't want to spend time with me. I'm not expecting ALL of his time. 1 day a week is too much to ask for after 3 months? If he is losing interest, then okay...but I'm being needy, clingy? I must be in the wrong if everyone says so. So I'll back off, give him his space. Maybe it will be good for us or it will end things like probably where it was headed anyways.
WhatIsLove2014 Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 We text, not call. I have my own life, I have friends. I'm not using him to fill a void. If you like somebody, wouldn't you want to spend time with him? I'm not dating him because I'm lonely, I'm dating him because I like him. He obviously doesn't like me that much because he doesn't want to spend time with me. I'm not expecting ALL of his time. 1 day a week is too much to ask for after 3 months? If he is losing interest, then okay...but I'm being needy, clingy? I must be in the wrong if everyone says so. So I'll back off, give him his space. Maybe it will be good for us or it will end things like probably where it was headed anyways. You aren't wrong for wanting to spend time with him. I can see if y'all were only seeing each other every so often from the beginning but you said this is new. So of course, you are going to notice a change and it obviously isn't a good one. Things are slowly dying between y'all...so don't just back off, end things now because you are only going to hurt yourself worse by letting him break things off when he wants to. Why wait? Save yourself the agony.
Author sunshine n rain Posted November 4, 2014 Author Posted November 4, 2014 Hey, Just updating my situation...I talked to him about it and got this response: I haven't been engaged lately because a lot of work which I let affect everything in my life, I know it shouldn't but I can't help it. Also, I get moody a lot and I'm not used to having a gf or someone always thinking about me [he hasn't had a gf in 6+ years]. I don't think it would be fair of me to make you wait for me. I'm not dating anyone else and I don't have any plans to but I can't stop you from dating others. You don't have to tell me if you will but I would like to know if it starts to get more serious. I would like you to wait for me but obviously we haven't set any expectations about that so I can't stop you. So that's where I am and I'm sorry for being distant, I don't always know how to handle certain situations and am very indecisive. *not exact because we weren't texting*
Haerts Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 (edited) That's soooo little! Really, 1 day in 3 weeks? Okay, I'll go with he's busy during the week, but what about the weekends? I mean, if you're dating and have a busy life, you should be expecting the weekend to be with your significant other. While I do think too much time together is unhealthy, I also think too little is horrible. EDIT: Very indecisive. That pretty much said everything. I believe he wants you to stay in his life, but he's not really interested on having a serious relationship now. Now it's in your hands: will you be okay with that or should you start looking for someone else? What doesn't means you have to stop seeing him, but you definitely shouldn't expect anything serious any soon... Edited November 5, 2014 by Haerts
WhatIsLove2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 That's soooo little! Really, 1 day in 3 weeks? Okay, I'll go with he's busy during the week, but what about the weekends? I mean, if you're dating and have a busy life, you should be expecting the weekend to be with your significant other. While I do think too much time together is unhealthy, I also think too little is horrible. EDIT: Very indecisive. That pretty much said everything. I believe he wants you to stay in his life, but he's not really interested on having a serious relationship now. Now it's in your hands: will you be okay with that or should you start looking for someone else? What doesn't means you have to stop seeing him, but you definitely shouldn't expect anything serious any soon... I agree. It you decide to stick it out then it might be better for you. Idk why he hasn't been in a relationship in so long but this could be the reason because some women weren't willing to hang in there with him....or maybe he pushes them away by being too busy. Who knows? You have to figure it out. If he is that great, maybe you should try. Otherwise, date others.
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