LittleHat Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 So my boyfriend and I broke up nearly 5 months ago. We were living together and I loved him so much. By the end things between us were awful and we broke up. From then he was just spiteful and nasty. He moved out of our apartment. Left me and our dog. Refused to pay rent that he owed me and then left me to pay the rest of the lease until I could move out. It was just awful. He changed his phone number, blocked me on Facebook and proceeded to sleep with half of Dubai and plaster it all over his Facebook page which people obviously told me about. It was awful. He was awful to me. But I still loved him. Recently I was doing so much better and moving forward with my life. Eventhough I always hoped that he would realise what he had done wrong and want us to try again. So last week I went out on my first date since the relationship has ended, and while I am standing waiting for the taxi I get a message from him. Asking me if I am selling some of the furniture that we had brought together and that he was interested in buying it as he had just moved into a new place and needed to furnish it. I responded the next day just saying that i wasn't selling it. Very short and to the point. But obviously I was going over and over things in my mind. Stupidly today I saw a post on FB which my friend showed me that he is now putting pictures of this girl up. Holding a baby etc. I obviously think that he is seeing her. I called him. I asked him why he messaged me about the furniture because i thought it was weird. He said that he thought we could be in touch now and that he liked the furniture we got together and wanted to maybe buy it off me. That there was nothing else in it. And if I didn't want him to be in contact again then he would happily leave me alone. I was of course upset by this. I asked if he missed me at all (stupid I know) he said Yes that he does but he never wants to be in a relationship like we had again and that as far as he was concerned he never thought we would get back together as he is happier now and in a better place. I just don't see why he felt the need to say all this stuff to me. Its like he wanted to ruin my progress and let me know again how much he doesn't want me. I just don't know why someone would do that. Am I reading too much into this or did he just message me to mess me about again and feel like he has the power back? Is it mind games he's playing? Everyone is disgusted in the way he has behaved in the breakup. Even his friends tell me that he's acting like a total d**k. What is this all about? Anyone have any advice?
travelbug1996 Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 Sounds like he's really moved on but willing to still take what he can get from you (i.e furniture). I think that was all it was. He doesn't want to get back together. What was his reason for wanting to break up? How long were you together?
preraph Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 I'm glad he said what he did because just him calling wanting to buy furniture after blocking you and all that got you hoping he'd come back. You said over and over what a d**k he is, so now you've got to work on yourself and ask yourself why you don't feel you deserve better than someone like that. He's moved way on, new life. He's never coming back and you'd be a fool to let him! You really haven't moved on. You did good with NC, but that's because he blocked you, right? Now it's time to move on and get your life back.
Author LittleHat Posted November 2, 2014 Author Posted November 2, 2014 Theres nothing like tough talking to make you realize when someone doesn't want you. We were together for a year and a half and 7 months previously we had moved into our own apartment, got a dog and were building a life together. He was always telling me I was the love of his life and that he wanted to marry me and have children with me. We broke up in June because I had started to question why he said these things but didn't follow anything up with any action. I didn't mean in the marriage and children sense but I meant being supportive and just acting supportive and responsible. Basically as much as I loved him I had enough of him being a totally rubbish boyfriend. I had just been diagnosed with Crohns disease and he was not supportive etc. He quit his job 9 months prior and I was supporting the both of us financially. Then one day when he was on a trip home to the UK I had enough of his rubbish. I said we should think about breaking up. After this we didn't speak during the rest of his trip which was another 5 days and then he came home. I apologized and said that I wanted to work on things and to work things out. He agreed and we carried on as normal for a few days. 2 days later he said things wouldn't change and walked out. (strangely just when he had gotten a new job). Then he got mean. He refused to help me pay for anything that he owed me and cut me off totally from his life. I haven't tried to contact him once since this all happened. So when he messages me asking if I'm ok etc etc with kisses and loads of random stuff on the text message then maybe I did think that he wanted more from it. Aside from the fact that I haven't given him any attention over the past 5 months all he seems to want to do is hurt me. Hes walked out on me the day before my 32nd birthday. Hasn't paid me any of the 15 thousand pounds he owes me for back rent/bills etc when I was supporting him and has been sleeping with everything that moves and posting it on line. I'm sorry he may be over me, but a normal human being doesn't do that unless they're trying to get attention in some way. Especially not a 33 year old. Maybe a 20 year old but I expect more for a grown up. More respect and just a little more sensitivity. I did good with NC not just because he blocked me. That was only on FB. I could email him and gotten his phone number easily if I had wanted to. I also could have turned up at his place anytime. I did well on NC because I was trying to be strong and I didn't want to give in to someone who is so callus and hurtful. I understand he's over it and he's moving on with his life. As much as I would like him to come back (because Im an idiot and I miss the good bits about us. I also hoped that the time apart may show him that he needed to grow up). What I'm asking is why is he going out of his way to be mean and spiteful? Its totally unnecessary.
preraph Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 What I'm asking is why is he going out of his way to be mean and spiteful? Its totally unnecessary. Because he's a jerk! Just because you had some sweet times doesn't mean he's not overall a jerk. He was happy in the moment, happy for himself, satisfied in the moment. But he didn't have any substance. He wasn't there when you needed him. He wasn't trying to protect you. He didn't care about making you happy, only about making himself happy. Look, I worked with a sociopath once and I even had some good laughs and fun times with him. But I wasn't one of the women whose head he'd try to close in the car door if a pickup didn't go his way. Anyone can have a fun time and be momentarily nice because they're content and basically getting what they want. This guy didn't step up when you got Crohn's disease. He stepped down. He didn't provide. He let you provide. Not only does he not have the ethics of a good man, he doesn't even have the instinct of all men to protect and provide for a woman! He's defective. He has no empathy. You can't even assume any contact is him caring enough to reach out and do something hurtful. The truth is he was ONLY thinking about himself and his need for furniture there. You need to work on yourself to find out why this is enough for you that you would take him back. It's not enough for 99 percent of women. Something makes you believe you don't deserve more. Anyone deserves more. So please, try to see red flags and not let these kind of guys in, even if it seems comfortable to you. The first sign that they don't care about your feelings, a cutting remark, telling you you're stupid, a neglectful event, that's a red flag. Accept someone who really attempts to look after you and provide. Meanwhile, if you have receipts, take the guy to court to recoup the money. But you need receipts or credit card receipts, cancelled checks and all that. But only do that if you really need the money because it will take an emotional toll on you. Anyway, he probably doesn't HAVE any money or else why would he be looking to buy your old furniture.
Author LittleHat Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 Because he's a jerk! Just because you had some sweet times doesn't mean he's not overall a jerk. He was happy in the moment, happy for himself, satisfied in the moment. But he didn't have any substance. He wasn't there when you needed him. He wasn't trying to protect you. He didn't care about making you happy, only about making himself happy. Look, I worked with a sociopath once and I even had some good laughs and fun times with him. But I wasn't one of the women whose head he'd try to close in the car door if a pickup didn't go his way. Anyone can have a fun time and be momentarily nice because they're content and basically getting what they want. This guy didn't step up when you got Crohn's disease. He stepped down. He didn't provide. He let you provide. Not only does he not have the ethics of a good man, he doesn't even have the instinct of all men to protect and provide for a woman! He's defective. He has no empathy. You can't even assume any contact is him caring enough to reach out and do something hurtful. The truth is he was ONLY thinking about himself and his need for furniture there. You need to work on yourself to find out why this is enough for you that you would take him back. It's not enough for 99 percent of women. Something makes you believe you don't deserve more. Anyone deserves more. So please, try to see red flags and not let these kind of guys in, even if it seems comfortable to you. The first sign that they don't care about your feelings, a cutting remark, telling you you're stupid, a neglectful event, that's a red flag. Accept someone who really attempts to look after you and provide. Meanwhile, if you have receipts, take the guy to court to recoup the money. But you need receipts or credit card receipts, cancelled checks and all that. But only do that if you really need the money because it will take an emotional toll on you. Anyway, he probably doesn't HAVE any money or else why would he be looking to buy your old furniture. PreRaph.... Thank you so much for you reply. You are so right and I really appreciate your words. Telling how it really is. I am worth so much more than that. Thank you again. xxx
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