none45 Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 Here's the situation: We're both 21 now. We met during senior year in high school and we started dating a few months after graduation... Everything was amazing... we were so happy together... she was so freespirited and happy all the time. After a few months we decided to move in together into an apartment. During this time she was starting to gain some weight (which I think had an affect on her self esteem and attitude)... In March of last year I proposed to her and we were super happy and engaged... She decided she wanted to be a hair stylist and went to school for that and I was working and paying for everything... School totally stressed her out and she just changed as a person. She got very irritable and was unhappy all the time. I think during this time she was depressed.... I've looked online at the symptons of depression and she seems to have most all of them... So, after several more months of going to school and being stressed and unhappy she thinks it's because of me, so she says she wants to move out and she goes back to her mom's... I then cancel our lease and move in with my aunt for a while (which is where I am now)... She has changed so much as a person and I think she is clinically depressed but she won't listen to me about it... I think she should go see a therapist and see what they think. I think that if she takes depression medication she will turn back into the person she was. I know I was talking to my aunt and she takes some meds and it makes such a difference in her and makes her a happy person... So, a couple of days ago she calls me and says she wants to break up... I love her with all of my heart and I know that she's my soulmate, she's just having some problems with depression right now and needs a little help... We've been planning on her getting a good job in hair, and us getting a small house and me going to school and living happily ever after, etc... So, basically I want to make her happy again and for us to get back together... I still tell her I love her because I do. This phase she's going thru dooesn't affect my love for her. Nothing can. Any ideas? Thanks!
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 So, basically I want to make her happy again and for us to get back together... Maybe getting back together isn't going to make her happy right now. If you want to be there for her, then scale your emotions back some for her sake, and offer support and friendship: without 'getting back together' strings attached. It sounds like she has a lot to work out, and you really ought to let her work it out without complicating things with emotional obligations. Once she's back on her feet, and finds happiness within herself - then and only then will she be able to be happy with you as a couple.
Evanescence Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 I have to agree with Lucrezia. As much as it sucks, and hurts to hear, she needs her space. Medication isn't always the answer. I've been depressed for the last year (ever since me and my ex of 5.5 yrs broke up) and I've been seeing a counsellor, but I won't go on meds because my best friend was on them, and she said they make you feel like a person that you aren't. Medication won't necessarily turn her back into the person that she once was. Here's the thing. You are probably right. School probably really stressed her out. Or maybe she just isn't ready for the whole marriage thing. 21 is young to get married (nowadays anyway). By the sounds of it, you two are just like me an my ex. Have you even really had a true "single life"? As much as I'm sure you don't want it (trust me, I definitly didn't welcome it with open arms either), maybe you both need it. Maybe she just needs to figure out who she is and what she really wants. This doesn't mean that either of you really need to date other people, but maybe just some time to herself will help her sort herself out in her head. Maybe she also needs to see a counsellor, but you shouldn't be suggesting this to her. Going to get professional help is a very personal thing, and some people can take it as a huge insult to have it suggested to them that they need it, whether they agree or not. If she feels she wants to see one,she'll go see one. Also, keep in mind, counselling may not help her either. Ultimately, only she can figure out what she wants and what she feels she needs to do to get there. What you should be doing is telling her that you are there for her, and let it be, as horribly hard as it will be. As sad as it may sound, you may have to just accept that the person she once was is gone. She may still be that awesome good hearted girl that you knew (and probably still know), but other things are changing. She's growing up, and unfortunately, personality changes can come along with growing up. Doesn't mean that the way she is now is the way she will be forever, but that too will just involve further changes. People just change so much from their late teens to early twenties, it is unbelievable. I've seen this in my friends, and at most in myself and my ex. Its absolutely crazy when you sit and analyse it and realize how much people do change, and will change. If I haven't learned anything else, it is that exact fact... people change... A LOT. Just let her be. Tell her you are there for her whenever she needs you, and unless something makes you really worried (like something life threatening) then try and let her figure things out for herself.
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