mortensorchid Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 When I was in my early twenties (I am now nearly 40) my dad decided that he was going to take over my social life. He said he was going to find me a husband and good friends to have because I was not capable of it. Now, granted this was a long time ago but part of me is still blown away that every once in a while he will still say something about it. He literally used to grab and drag me out to things that I didn't want to do. Once, instead of going out to a bar with a new, adult friend, the man literally dragged me kicking and screaming to a high school football game where there would be lots of nice young people. Yes, so young they don't even have driver's licenses yet which I had not been to since I got my license at age 16. Needless to say it was a disaster for all parties. Did he learn his lesson? He then demanded that I go to some college alumni get together in order to meet other young people and he was going with as well. Once again, he dragged me there kicking and screaming. We got to the event, there were fifteen people inside of the bar/restaurant (ten of them worked there, the others were customers), the private party had seven people about his age there. I was bored out of my mind but endured it. He said that in order to get good friends I am to go to my high school or college aluma maters in order to get good friends. I told him that's what Facebook is for now, he doesn't know how to use modern technology. When he then said that I was to meet more young, recent college graduates by joining a church singles group or a website called Catholic singles.com, I drew the line to stop this out dated, old fashioned nonsense once and for all and to stop it. I understand that he's an older guy, he's outdated and never been hip with these old fashioned, Victorian values, but it's not right that he brings the hammer of Thor down on me for not sharing the same opinions and things that he does. All I can do with him is prove him wrong. Has anyone else ever encountered this with parents? Not just the father but either parent.
xxoo Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 I'm around your age, but no, my father did not get involved in my friends and dating, aside from wanting to get to know the people I brought into my life. What stopped you from making friends in your own way? Finding dates on your own? How old were you when you moved out?
Author mortensorchid Posted November 1, 2014 Author Posted November 1, 2014 I moved out at age 27 and have been out ever since. This happened when I had moved back home after graduating college. He has since given up on trying to take command of my social life. This was also before a lot of things like social networking, before the internet took over, etc. A few years ago, I shared the fact that on a dating website I connected with someone who attended the same university I did. I did not share it until months after it happened. He still asks me if I ever hear from him. I think he's sad now that things didn't happen for me how he wanted them to. I'm nearly 40 and I think he's disappointed in me and doesn't understand how/why. Then again, he married his high school sweetheart, never dated anyone else (that I know of, at least seriously), and is absolutely, positively MISERABLE. I can't imagine how he would get by in the world today if he had to be me.
xxoo Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 I think you should have stopped discussing your love life with you dad ages ago. Once you reached adulthood and independence, it's none of his business until and unless you want to introduce someone to the family. Why do you even have these conversations with him? Practice this: "I'm not discussing that. Did you catch the game last night?" If he keeps bringing it up, excuse yourself and exit the conversation. Repeat as necessary.
Author mortensorchid Posted November 1, 2014 Author Posted November 1, 2014 He and I do not discuss those things. Because we just don't. I also think that he is one of those people who assumes if you throw two like things together then it will just work. And things are much deeper than that with others. But I don't complain about it. I did not like it when he tried to interfere with things because his answers when it came to my social life were never right. But still, life goes on.
Tayla Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 wow! a parent who cares. yeah not many of them around. and as a current person who is what... in your 40's?you are dredging up something that even as adult back then, havent understood his side? yeah... wish more folks did care enough to maintain concern. in due time you"ll come to see ur parents action in a kinder way.... for now keep proving ur parent wrong... people love it when that is a goal ....keeps the battle going.... you may not have liked his social choices yet somehow u missed alot of opportunities with someone who had ur back.
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