mortensorchid Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 This may sound like a strange post/question, but this is something that I have encountered a lot with people over the years in a variety of situations. I fully admit to this, but I am a very verbal person. I see everything in the world in terms of black and white, it either is or is not. If you tell me to be there by 5 o'clock, I am there by 5 o'clock. If you are early that's fine, if you are chronically late it means you don't care. Put a project before me, I will finish it and turn it in by it's due date, I will keep working and working until it's done. If I am running late I let the person know I am late. Problem with that? I find that so many people are wishy washy and have so many contradictions it's ridiculous. I got into a terrible fight with someone I was with years ago who was angry that I was not including him in going to parties; I said I invite him to every party and his answer is always no. I think he was angry at himself for not being anti social and missing out. Another person years ago was angry at me because I quit smoking per his orders, it took me too long to do it. Granted those are two very extreme examples, you can argue that those two in question had other control issues or wanted to be the center of attention, and I know that I am not perfect either, but why don't people just do what they say rather say what they do? If you want something, no matter what it is, why don't you go after it and be happy with it once you get it? I am, whether it's something simple or something foolish or something very serious. Anyone else feel like that?
preraph Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 I think the difference is you know what you want. It's amazing how many people don't have a strong idea of what they want in any given situation. So to you, everything is an easy choice: I want to do this, so I'll do this. For others, it's "Ehhhh, I dunno...." or they are happy to follow you around, which is fine but kind of anchorless. People who don't know who they are and what they want to do and have no direction tend to either just sit in place and do nothing or wait for an act of God to push them in a direction. It's a huge waste of life on earth and not the way to become a better person. People who are decisive aren't wasting time shuffling their feet. I have a running buddy who would probably complain that we always do what I want, but the truth is, on a daily basis, she will never tell you what she wants to do and doesn't initiate going places. She will suggest something special if she reads for example an exhibit is coming to town. But if you ask her to choose a restaurant, she just clams up. But then as soon as I give say two options, she starts poo-pooing those options. So then I say "Okay, where do you want to go." Nothing. Or she has in the past changed the subject completely and responded something like "Such and such has good coffee." Knowing I don't drink coffee and everyplace has it and we're on a quest for food, not a coffee shop. It's so infuriating. So one year on her birthday, after having had a really bad time the year before getting a preference out of her, I went to pick her up for lunch. She got in the car. I said, "It's your birthday, so you pick." She started her usual hemming and hawing and said, "Well, why don't we just start driving and we'll decide." I turned off the engine and said, "No, we're not doing like last year, driving aimlessly all over town. I'm not moving until you tell me the name of a restaurant." And she finally did. Lord, it was like pulling teeth. She's been a little better about it lately and I finally did have to lecture her on trying to get me to go to coffee houses since I hate coffee and hate the smell of it. I told her that's for her to do with someone else who likes coffee and hasn't just asked them to lunch.
gaius Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 It's just not how most people are morten. There's always an underlying language beneath the actual words that are said. Someone demanding you quit smoking could be the pretext for a breakup, but if you ignore the underlying message and actually quit smoking they're just going to get annoyed at you for ignoring them.
Arieswoman Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 All, IMO there are quite a lot of people who won't make a decision because they don't want the responsibility of making it - they are scared of choosing the wrong thing/course of action etc. I don't think you can change these sort of people, they have to change themselves - if they want to. Frozen by the Fear of Wrong Decisions
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