Grevensteiner Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 So there's the girl I know for 4 months already, she's 19, I'm 21. We became more intimate after 2 months of the relation, and she started getting more attached about month ago. Since last month she calls me everyday, we also text a lot. Meetings like 3 - 4 times a week. Yesterday she was sleeping over at my house. That month ago she agreed to be exclusive. There's just that one problem that we're basically not in a relationship. And she doesn't really want to have sex. I mean, passionate kissing on every meeting etc, but everytime I go too far she stops me. And tells me she will have sex only in a relationship. And well, I don't know what to do with that. I should also mention that she's very...open minded. I mean, well, slutty. I mean, she has no problem talking about sex, bah, she's always the first to do so. Etc etc, so it's not like she waits until wedding or something. Should I talk to her about it? Or maybe give her a little more time?
Jules Dash Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 I don't get the whole exclusive but not being in a relationship idea. The way I see it, if I am only going to be dating you, then you are my GF. Why else would I only be seeing you then? What advantage does that give me over dating multiple women? I figure that one of the advantage of being exclusive is that you are the only person she will be intimate with. In my view, this is really only significant when sex is involved. So why aren't you two having sex considering that an exclusive setup is pretty much the same thing as being in a relationship. What's the difference?
Tayken Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 There's just that one problem that we're basically not in a relationship. And she doesn't really want to have sex. I mean, passionate kissing on every meeting etc, but everytime I go too far she stops me. And tells me she will have sex only in a relationship. OK...she is 19, you are 21. She might be talking about sex, but that doesn't mean she has had it, and even if she has, it doesn't make her promiscuous. You have a few years on her, and at that age she should be focusing on her future (school, career). For you it's obviously clear that you just want to get the sex over with? I can tell you that sex is overrated, regardless of where you are getting it from. Some will claim to be at it everyday, but that is not far off from BS. In every healthy relationship, there has to be more than just sex on the table to keep it going and interesting. Take it from someone with life experience and lessons. If you are getting to make out with her i.e. kissing, fondling, BJ....that should be alright with you considering your ages and the length of your relationship. I hope you do plan to use protection when you end up having sex? You do not want to end up being a dad at 21/22, with your whole life in front of you.
Andy_K Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 ...every time I go too far she stops me. And tells me she will have sex only in a relationship. And well, I don't know what to do with that You ask her if she wants to be in a relationship with you. And if she doesn't you find out why - is it too soon? Does she need more of an emotional connection? Is there anything else on her mind? All the answers you need are available if you just ask her. 2
Author Grevensteiner Posted November 1, 2014 Author Posted November 1, 2014 Thanks! I got all the answers I needed long time ago, but it's not that easy - she didn't want a relationship, and prefered to have fun, but then about month ago she started developing deeper feelings to me and said "we'll see where it gets us", "I don't say no", etc. So I end up waiting unable to move the relationship forward.
CarrieT Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 So I end up waiting unable to move the relationship forward. Then it isn't a relationship. Stop - Do Not Pass Go - Do Not Collect Your $200.00 Time to move on...
IronZ Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 She will only have sex in a relationship? Isn't that what you guys are in? Try talking to her about that (not about the sex) and sooner or later it will happen. And one other thing, don't push her. It will happen naturally.
mortensorchid Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 There's just that one problem that we're basically not in a relationship. And she doesn't really want to have sex. I mean, passionate kissing on every meeting etc, but everytime I go too far she stops me. And tells me she will have sex only in a relationship. And well, I don't know what to do with that. I should also mention that she's very...open minded. I mean, well, slutty. I mean, she has no problem talking about sex, bah, she's always the first to do so. Etc etc, so it's not like she waits until wedding or something. Should I talk to her about it? Or maybe give her a little more time? She's slutty, yet doesn't want to have sex / holding out for marriage? Do you see the problem with that statement? You two are 19 and 21, you are still curious and unsure about the world, or you think you know certain things and they will be proven wrong to you. But I digress on that topic... Slutty yet holding out for marriage? Something is wrong with that statement.
Maleficent Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 (edited) Thanks! I got all the answers I needed long time ago, but it's not that easy - she didn't want a relationship, and prefered to have fun, but then about month ago she started developing deeper feelings to me and said "we'll see where it gets us", "I don't say no", etc. So I end up waiting unable to move the relationship forward. She doesn't want to be in a relationship. Just wants to have 'fun' (we all know what that means) But she doesn't want to have sex with you because you aren't in a relationship. Do we need to explain this like you're 5? (I don't mean this in a condescending way. My friend and I always say 'explain to me like I'm 5!' whenever we don't understand something and I like using it... but it's meant to be funny.) Please leave this girl wherever she is and find someone who is not using you as a teddy bear. Edited November 1, 2014 by Maleficent
Assasda Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 So there's the girl I know for 4 months already, she's 19, I'm 21. We became more intimate after 2 months of the relation, and she started getting more attached about month ago. Since last month she calls me everyday, we also text a lot. Meetings like 3 - 4 times a week. Yesterday she was sleeping over at my house. That month ago she agreed to be exclusive. There's just that one problem that we're basically not in a relationship. And she doesn't really want to have sex. I mean, passionate kissing on every meeting etc, but everytime I go too far she stops me. And tells me she will have sex only in a relationship. And well, I don't know what to do with that. I should also mention that she's very...open minded. I mean, well, slutty. I mean, she has no problem talking about sex, bah, she's always the first to do so. Etc etc, so it's not like she waits until wedding or something. Should I talk to her about it? Or maybe give her a little more time? Naa you shouldnt talk to her about any of this. Girls that talk sex all the time, arnt the slutty ones my friend. - The girls that go around lick their lips and such usually just want to put on a show. Anyway, I think you should just start seeing other women. Since you dont want a relationship with her, and she wont give you sex. So... She can still be your friend or whatever she is, and you'll just have to get a GF
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 She doesn't want your pickle in her jar...move on, she's playing you. Like a great man once said...."I pity the fool!" 1
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