StrangerThanFiction Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 That he just got back from a "last minute" vacation across the world. I haven't spoken to him at all for weeks and then a few days ago he texts me out of nowhere with no other goal but to tell me this. This in itself wouldn't have been a big deal to me. It's the fact that a few days before we broke up he told me he was talking to some woman on this game he plays on his phone from this country. He has never once even implied any interest in going to this country and then all of a sudden he goes there "last minute" less than two months after we break up. Pretty obvious he went there to see this woman. What bothers me is that the day after he gets back from seeing the woman I now know he was emotionally cheating on me with he feels the need to tell me about it and also ask if I want to see some pictures! I politely declined and told him I was glad he had a nice trip but I was in the middle of something and had to go. Haven't talked to him since. The only reason I responded was because I thought this was about him getting his stuff back. Welp, it's been almost 2 months since BU and he hasn't said a word and if he's well off enough to just pick up and spend thousands of dollars and fly to another country he can obviously afford to replace the few small items left at my house. I need to do what's best for me now and him having things here just leaves him an open door back into my life if things head south with this woman. I will not allow myself to be on his back burner. I see now That's what I was for the last few years of our RS even though I was apparently his gf. So I think my best bet is to either block his number or change my phone number completely. Anyway, I guess this was more of a rant than anything so thanks for listening. I'm still trying to understand why he would go out of his way to do this. We ended on decent terms so him doing something like this just seems maliciously cruel and pointless. Why would he do this?? If he's so happy with this woman from a country thousands of miles away that he left me for shouldn't that be enough for him without him trying to purposely hurt me? Ugh, what an a$$. I know I shouldn't let it bother me. I'm in a much better headspace than I was the night it happened but it still hurts. Besides sticking to NC, what else should I do?
clementyne Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 (edited) There's really no reason for him to be contacting you to tell you this except maybe to rub your face in it, test your reaction, get an ego boost, etc. Or maybe he isn't all that happy with this woman, so he's testing the waters with you again. Could also be that he wants to keep you as a nearby back up plan, as she lives in another country. Who knows, but whatever the reason may be, please don't get caught up in his pathetic mind games. You did well to decline and cut the convo short, but you can do better than that. You can ensure that he never invades your headspace again, by either blocking his number, (drawback: he can always call you from another number) or simply change your number, thus ensuring that he can't contact you at all. Another thing you can do is to pack up his stuff and mail it to him, so that further down the line he can't use that as an excuse to contact you again. This also gives him the message that you're done with him, in case he decides to call you again. Edited November 1, 2014 by clementyne 2
leavesonautumn Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 I agree with Clementyne. You should stop him from being able to contact you in any way! Block him, change number, whatever works better for you. No offence but this guy sounds like a douche who doesn't have a thought for your feelings and you deserve so much better! I wasted a lot of time on a guy for years as well and it's such bull**** that we allow ourselves to do this. I'll never, ever let him hurt me ever again and you should do the same . 1
preraph Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 Yeah, he's rubbing your face in it. I was watching Divorce Court today. I like that judge on there. Anyway, she was saying how when one person has done the cheating and the breakup is all their fault, a common thing for them to do is start telling themselves and their spouse or gf that it's all their fault. Because she says they feel guilt and are trying to justify leaving, but they're just leaving for frivolous purposes and that only makes them feel worse about it so they try to find fault with the other person to justify it. He's being a jerk about it and yes, you should block his number. Putting his clothes in a bag on the porch and texting him that he has 48 hours to pick it up before it goes in the trash is another option if you don't want to give him something else to complain about. Don't answer the door if he comes to do it either, no way. Then once he's blocked you can imagine how unfulfilling it's going to be to him to have his little hottie all the way overseas and how much good that's going to do him alone at night. 1
Author StrangerThanFiction Posted November 4, 2014 Author Posted November 4, 2014 Thanks guys! As always, excellent advice! Gave me a change in perspective. It's been a few days since it happened and I'm glad to say it doesn't really bother me all that much anymore. The whole situation acted as an almost galvanizing factor to really hammering home acceptance of the fact that it's over and that he's a total douchebag. Almost feel bad for this other woman now Oh well, not my problem anymore!
Justaguy30 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 I doubt he was rubbing it in your face, people are delusional. This great thing happened to him and you were a big part of his life and he wanted to be able to share it with you. It wasn't to hurt you, after someone has been a big part of you life sharing events or wanting to is normal. I am sure he didn't know you would remember that he was talking to some chick from another country. Also traveling around the world to meet a person you met online seems a bit desperate. Just be happy that you are done with this person. They don't sound that great.
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