Dork Vader Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 Long story short I met a fairly amazong woman who has HSV just like me. We hit it off, i let things get out of control, move to fast and got caught up in chemisty. I asked for a second chance to do things right. Things were going well again then I started to detox from alcoholism... I realized I needed to go to rehab the last weekend I spent with her. She bailed on our saturday date early. Most likely because I was trying to get out of it as well. I text her today and told her.. "What's up? I check into residential rehab on Sunday, for alcoholism. I did not know I had a problem until the last weekend I saw you. When I realized it I asked my family to help me get to rehab. There is a lot I don't know right now. But I do know the first week I met you, I wondered if maybe I had met someone I wouldn't have to settle for. I'll give you a call when I get out of rehab. If you're still single and open to it I'd love a chance to show you the sober me. If not then I want to thank you, meeting you opened my eyes to the alcoholism and likely saved my life." She instantly replied with a hi sweatie where are you going? Tell me when you are allowed to have visitors. I told her where but it is 3-4 hours away. I then told her I wont have a phone and I wont have a way to contact you. I can make calls and write that is it. If you'd like I'll write you what is your address? She gave me her address and I went MIA. In part because I am busy and in part because I am not rational right now, due to the volume of alcohol I am consuming. Then I got a good luck my friend.. I responded with a thanks, I've been busy packing and trying to get ready to go. I'll write you after the firt week or two. This woman has been through rehab before... I don't know what to do at the moment as I am seriously infatuated with her. Opinions on what to do? I am heavily leaning towards writing her and telling her I told you I'd write you so here I am. I need to figure myself out and sort this mess out, when I have I'll call. But attempting to do that and keep in touch with a woman I am infatuated with would be foolish... I'd word it all differently but that would be the gist of it.. Opinions?!?
whichwayisup Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 Tell her right now all you can handle is friendship. Make this simple - That you are not in a good place right now and the timing is very wrong for you to be getting involved with someone and have a serious relationship. Tell her you do like her a lot and hope when the timing is better and you're ready, then you two can officially go out on a date. That right now you have nothing to give and must put yourself first. She's been in rehab so she knows how hard it can be. Hopefully she'll stick around and just a supportive friend who encourages you and gives you strength to stay on the straight and narrow. Kudos to you for going to rehab and stay strong. You're already on a healthier path by doing this. 1
Ronni_W Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 This woman has been through rehab before... I don't know what to do at the moment as I am seriously infatuated with her. Opinions on what to do? Sorry if I missed this DV, but...is she still sober? If not, then I suspect that you already know that this is not a wise-for-you relationship to pursue at this time, and perhaps not at any time in the foreseeable future. If she has been able to keep control over her addiction, then of course her understanding and support can potentially be significant and invaluable. She will also, then, understand that your contact/correspondence with her will be all over the place. She will not hold it against you if you do not contact her anytime soon. I think to give yourself the best chance at this, allow yourself to be guided by your own "gut sense" of what is in your long-term best interest...that really seems to have been working for you recently, so no need to start ignoring or not trusting it, now. Get in touch with her when you feel good and ready. She will understand completely, if she is a true friend AND will be someone you want in your future. Best of luck. It really sounds like you've got this one!
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 Most programmes and rehabs tell you not to begin a new relationship for the first 12 months of sobriety. You need time to focus on you. If you're constantly thinking about this woman, then you'll never be 'both feet in' with the rehab. I would tell her that you really enjoyed your time together but you think it's best you focus on your recovery right now and that maybe you'll cross paths in the future but ask her please to not get in touch, for your sake. Then when you're out, and clean, perhaps after a long period of time you'll be able to get back in touch... but honestly, so much happens in a period of time that I think cutting contact complete and leaving it there is the best thing you can do for your sanity. Because there'd be nothing worse than holding on and distracting yourself from sobriety only to find out that the person you were holding a torch for has moved on and is happy with somebody else. So yes, my suggestion is go into this 100% single, and cut contact. If you don't, be 100% honest with your rehab counsellors about how you feel about this woman and the contact you have, they're the specialists and they can give you their take on whether you should be doing it or not.
Art_Critic Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 Opinions on what to do? How about going to rehab for starters, then after you are clean and on your way to sobriety you look at the next move, until then just worry about you and your sobriety. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted November 1, 2014 Posted November 1, 2014 How about going to rehab for starters, then after you are clean and on your way to sobriety you look at the next move, until then just worry about you and your sobriety. This. Don't write her. If she's been through the rehab process before, she will understand why a relationship isn't possible at this time. As someone else asked, is she still clean and sober?
Author Dork Vader Posted November 1, 2014 Author Posted November 1, 2014 (edited) Yeah she is sober, she does drink but that is it. She doesn't have a problem with alcohol though and never did. I did not tell her this but I am irrational at the moment. My mind is all over, i had a difficult time shopping for clothes and things I'll need at rehab. I don't think she is looking for a relationship with me. I think I pushed her fairly far away the last weekend I saw her. The alcohol caused ED, shaking, me to repeat stories and a bunch of bad stuff. We shall see what happens. Edited November 1, 2014 by Dork Vader
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