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Torn over two girls...

MrUK

By MrUK
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MrUK New Member

MrUK

Posted
Posted

Hello all!

 

My name is Thomas, I'm 21 and from Manchester, in the United Kingdom. Came to this forum as it looks well used, and hopefully some answers could be provided...

 

So the situation - I have had a girlfriend of approximately 1.5 years now, and its been good. We met on POF, quite a popular dating medium in the UK. I'm the first every 'real' boyfriend my current girlfriend has had.

 

In the first 12 months, we spent alot of time together, and visited many European capital cities on short breaks, it was lovely! Now - time has elapsed and I feel less passion towards her.. I see her once a week, for an evening (3hrs max), the sex was good, now its infrequent, but we still say 'love you' to each other.. We've just booked to go to Munich, Germany in December only a few days ago. Booked on a whim for me, it's somewhere she's always wanted to go...

 

Rewind two weeks ago

 

Still a member on POF, I got a match with a girl called Emily. I hadn't had one for so long, my last being Gemma - my current girlfriend. I was in the pub with my friends at the time, and was rather shocked to get the notification. Rightly or wrongly, I had a look at her profile, and.. sent a message.

 

We started talking slowly at first, just one kiss, but its now ramped up to four, and we have been talking continuously.. to the point where I answer Emily's messages first... obviously, Gemma does not know about this.

 

So, now we are here - I really like Emily, she's gorgeous, intelligent and seems so genuine. Like Gemma, when we first met.

Driving home from work today, I had a notion of being with Emily. It felt weird, considering me and Gemma only booked Munich a few days ago.

 

Neither of them know about each other - and I don't know what to do.

 

I love Gemma, she's so special to me, but I don't feel a vibe of anything anymore, she has no really hobbies, and find her rather 'boring'. I'm an army reservist, and often go away on training camps - I find this liberates me, gives me something to do, and almost could be phrased as an excuse to 'ignore her'.

 

Emily, works as a nurse in a hospital, her shift patterns are terrible, and she lives an hour away, but I honestly think about her more than I do Gemma. Every time my phone flashes purple, it's a message from her, and I can't wait to speak to her..

 

I don't want to hurt either of the girls - or lead anyone on any further, but what should I do? Please please please offer some suggestions; this is doing my head in to the point where I can't sleep.

 

Ta!

 

Thomas x

Tayken Established Member

Tayken

Posted
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@Mancunian...you probably thinks it's bang out of order taking advice from a bloody Londoner, but as the saying goes, the lesser of the two evils will be a safe bet.

 

If you were to go by names, Emily v Gemma...hmmmm. Whatever happened to Magalouf, Majorca, Ibiza and Mykonos then?

Edited by Tayken
  • Like 1
bolase Established Member

bolase

Posted
Posted

You know what to do. You're only 21! Don't stay with someone for the fear of hurting them if you aren't sure about them.

 

Are you okay with the fact that Gemma might never talk to you again if you leave her?

 

Could you live with yourself if you and Emily don't work out either and you are alone?

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Or how about you grow some balls and break up with your GIRLFRIEND since you are clearly not in love with her?

 

I broke up with my ex a few days ago cos I was also starting to want to pursue other men - I broke up with him AS SOON as this became apparent to me!

 

It takes COURAGE to break a persons heart! My ex wanted to get married soon and he is was convinced that I was it for him and yeah he was extremely messed up over it - yet I still DID IT knowing how hurt he would be.

 

Grow up please and just do what you know is right. It isn't fun to break up with a person. Neither is cleaning of doing the washing up but we all do it.

  • Like 2
Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

Posted
Posted

MrUK,

Here's my advice (from a Scouser) for what it's worth;

 

If you are having such a hard time choosing which one you want then IMO you don't really want either of them.

 

Do yourself - and them - a big favour and finish with both of them. Then take some time out and work on yourself, see what you want out of life. You've got the chance to travel and see the world with the TA, so there's no need to tie yourself down to one woman just yet.

 

Of course there will be tears and arguments and two PPO ladies but that better than cheating on both of them, which is what you are doing.

 

Now go and bite the bullet and start playing fair.

 

Good luck.

Tayken Established Member

Tayken

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Mr Mancs.....Just do the right thing. How is Manure doing anyway, or are you from the Blue side of town?

Ducky71 Established Member

Ducky71

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What Leigh said...

 

 

Grow a pair and make an adult decision.

 

 

With Gemma for a year and a half but still on a dating site? Do you not see the conflict of interest here? From where I sit, you're just passing time with Gemma until a better offer comes along, now that it has, you're confused?

 

 

Be a man, don't pine for one and fu*k the other, make a choice and stick to it.

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Your GF is going to be devastated to learn that you are cheating on her. Why the heck did you still have a POF account open anyway? If you don't fancy her any more let her go but since you couldn't manage faithful, try classy and at least offer to cover your share of the trip you booked so she doesn't have to lose money & the trip because you flaked.

  • Like 1
cif Established Member

cif

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Go on your trip with Gemma and when you get back break it off..completely. Don't keep her around for sex.

 

Then don't get exclusive with someone until you've been with them for a few months andsure they're what you want. Be honest. (New York)

  • Like 2
Kamila Established Member

Kamila

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Posted

Mmmm... living together without marriage sounds less appealing now...

Assasda Established Member

Assasda

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Youre going to have to tell Gemma about the other girl.

Thats the long and short of it.

I dont understand whats "Doing your head in"

 

Seem like youve been pretty cowardly, let Gemma know that

  • Like 1
Thegreatestthing Established Member

Thegreatestthing

Posted
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Go with the girl you like more and feel excited about but it's highly likely you will start feeling bored with the new one in a year too,but who knows.

mysteryscape Established Member

mysteryscape

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Pretty clearcut to me. Drop Gemma. I would just drop her, not tell her there's someone else, unless she asks. Do it now!

 

Tell Emily about Gemma? She may well dump you. Maybe better just to move on from Gemma without telling Emily.

Snaggletooth Established Member

Snaggletooth

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You're 21, you're a man, time to act like one. You're with Gemma, that's where your duty and responsibility lies. Your job, as her boyfriend, is to be true to her and protect her from harm. If you can't do that then gently, honestly and carefully let her go. Tell her you are not yet man enough to be true to her and wish to chase another lass you have met. Either that or carefully, honestly and gently end communication with Emily. You are the ratbag in this situation, it's up to you to suck it up, take it on the chin and not to lead either of these girls up the garden path. It's not about you, son, it's about them (welcome to a man's world). Make a choice, live with the responsibilities, deal with the consequences.

Edited by Snaggletooth
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