Is he doing this to test my feelings for him or to breakup?

[ohso]

When a guy in a really long relationship says he's not in love and haven't been for years, but loves you and will never leave you, what does that really mean?

 

Yeah, it happened to me and I was left heartbroken. He was surprised how I didn't know that. Plus, he was shocked by my non reactions, meaning, me staying really cool and not fighting him about that. He started questioning me!

 

That's why I wonder is he and why is testing me?

 

Also, when I said to him I don't want to be in a relationship when I'm the one who is the only one in love and I'm not making him happy, but he won't break it up, that then I will do it for him to make it easier for him to be happy. But he said no, no, absolutely not, that I'm not going anywhere.

 

I just don't understand what is going on?

[Poppygoodwill]

That is baffling. Honestly, if he wants you to understand hwo this mixed message is to be interpreted, I think he's best start explaining.

 

Maybe he meant that his original infatuation has worn off and now it's settled into a sort of family type of love. Less burning passion, more comfortable, favourite tshirt type of thing?

 

In any event, clearly it's thrown you for a loop. You are entitled to be clear about how things sit in his mind. I'm sorry he's said this to you. That must be really hard to hear.

[Mr. Lucky]

then I will do it for him to make it easier for him to be happy. But he said no, no, absolutely not, that I'm not going anywhere.

If you'd determined that breaking up was the best thing for both of you, how would he stop you ???

 

Perhaps the best way to determine what he means is to give him the freedom he's implying he wants...

 

Mr. Lucky

[spanz1]

makes no sense to me. maybe it is his version of ILYBNILWY? He is comfortable with you, familiar with you, likes the friendship, but is sexually turned on by some other woman? How is the sex life? that is a good indicator of if he still loves you or not.

[d0nnivain]

I don't think he's trying to test you. I think he's offering some sort of stability (I'm not leaving) but he may be trying to set you up for an open relationship or at least overlooking his extra curricular activities

[elaine567]

If he was testing you, then I doubt he would have come out with "I am not in love with you" as an opening gambit.

 

However, if he has reason to think that perhaps you do not love him, he is maybe saying that in order not to lose face and at the same time is staking his claim on the home and property and is letting you know he is going nowhere.

 

If there are no other issues pending and this has come out of the blue, then he is either punishing you for something, or he is one big insensitive lump, or he has an agenda, ie like d0nnivain outlined he is having an affair or is wanting the relationship to be less exclusive.

[oldshirt]

Look for other women/woman or for signs he is looking for other women, ie on dating sites, hook up sites, Facebook etc.

 

Men rarely actually break up with women. Men will really only break up with a woman if she is cheating, not available to him sexually, abusing him some how or if he has a prettier and sexier woman that is twisting his arm to get rid of his first woman.

 

In the absence of those things men will not formally dump a woman, he will just add more women to his life and keep the others around for as long as they will tolerate it.

 

A mans version of ILYBNILWY, is more of along the lines of keeping her around sexually to keep his tank drained and have a ready source of poontang but he will not move forward with the relationship and will not commit to anything more.

[veggirl]

How cold. Almost makes it sound like you are his job or something.

[beach]

What is going on, you ask?

 

You care a lot and he cares a little. That is what's going on.

 

Do you support yourself enough to leave the R behind?

 

Or is he supporting you and you're dependent on him to survive?

 

Why is this in the marriage section when you're not married?

Edited November 1, 2014 by beach

[BetrayedH]

Maybe he meant that his original infatuation has worn off and now it's settled into a sort of family type of love. Less burning passion, more comfortable, favourite tshirt type of thing?

 

This is what I'm thinking. He loves you but is no longer "in love" with you. He probably looks at his relationship with you more logically and less emotionally. It's actually common for that "in love" and infatuation feeling to fade and morph into a more mature form of love that's more akin to a deep sense of mutual respect and admiration; it's just not common to announce it to your SO.

 

Consider looking up "limerence" (if you still care to understand what he's saying).