Maxie Max Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 For example, if you're dating someone and you then learn that you disagree about major topics. What do you do? These topics could be about abortions, smoking in the house, guests etc. Basically not realizing that you don't tolerate certain things in a relationship until you're in love.
Chasin Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 For me personally, communication as always worked best. Of course when you guys start dating and even long after, you're still learning each-other. You forever will be. Just communicate with him/her about those subjects. Of course if they're touchy, bring them up softly.
GemmaUK Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 Time for a discussion maybe? The topics are pretty different so it's difficult to know what to suggest aside from 'communicate'.
Tayken Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 What do you do? These topics could be about abortions, smoking in the house, guests etc. It's as simple as a cucumber sandwich...move on. Opposites aren't going to attract, and if you blindly ignore these early warning signs, just imagine what will happen once you get in so deep and start making a family. It's always good to see the signs early, to better make an executive decision.
Frank2thepoint Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 Just voice your opinion. Be respectful but firm. Discuss it that it doesn't affect your relationship. But if some topics end up for you or the other person questioning the relationship, then it may be the relationship will not work. 1
Gaeta Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 For example, if you're dating someone and you then learn that you disagree about major topics. What do you do? These topics could be about abortions, smoking in the house, guests etc. Basically not realizing that you don't tolerate certain things in a relationship until you're in love. The topics you are naming are too set deep in people's value to be negotiated. If you are too different at he base it will not work. You can negotiate on what movie to watch on Friday night but you cannot negotiate on abortion. Dating is about figuring out compatibility. You are not, move to next. 1
d0nnivain Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 One boundary could be you agree to disagree about certain subjects. There are a few things that DH & I don't see eye to eye on but they do not effect our daily life. If you learn about things after you have been dating & you just can live knowing about them -- for example you are very pro-life & you find out your SO was involved with an abortion -- and that changes your whole perception of the person, just break up (or invent a time machine) 1
soph-walker Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 Ooh, a toughy. You sound as though you passionately stand by your beliefs, whereas some people are willing to overlook disagreeing beliefs/values. If there are things you're not willing to budge on, it has to be a toss up between whether or not you can set your personal beliefs to one side. Me and my ex used to row about politics - he was unwilling to accept my views were different to his (and not at all wrong, just not the same as his) and it was always something he blew his top over.
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 The topics you are naming are too set deep in people's value to be negotiated. If you are too different at he base it will not work. You can negotiate on what movie to watch on Friday night but you cannot negotiate on abortion. Dating is about figuring out compatibility. You are not, move to next. I agree! These are definitely topics that can't be negotiated so easily, if at all. How long have yall been dating? Why is this just now coming up?
Dork Vader Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 While I would agree the topics you are discussing Re serious dofferences. I highly suggest you have a conversation with her/him. Make sure you are both sober and do it in person. From there try to have an open mind and see if you can find compromise. You need to be honest about your position, beliefs and morals. Yet you might be able to find compromise. But you BOTH have to be willing to compromise. If he/she wants to have opposite sex guests and you're not okay with it. Just say I would not be okay with it if.. But I would be okay with it if... Ask their opinion and see if the two of you can find a happy medium. Start out the conversation with I feel like we are at a point in which we both need to set clear boundaries. I do not want to assume we have the same boundaries and have issues because we have not talked about boundaries. Tell them your expectations and ask them what theirs are. But keep in mind you have to be willing to compromise. Make a list of what you're not willing to compromise on and what you are. But be reasonable with it. To say people of opposite moral beliefs can not have a relationship is BS. I know a Jewish woman that is married too a Muslim man. If that's not polar opposite I do not know what is. Yet they are the happiest couple on earth.
Assasda Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 Smoking in the house is an easy one. - Just state that you dont want it - its understandable. The rest, you can always agree to disagree
Author Maxie Max Posted November 3, 2014 Author Posted November 3, 2014 These were just examples. But, basically it is about finding out that you disagree about something and neither side will budge. It's about expecting your partner to do things your way, but they stand very passionately in their own way. If you don't allow someone to smoke indoors, you should probably agree on that before moving in together. But, if you don't have this conversation - what do you do?
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