cdt76 Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 I have a friend on my softball team and over the summer we were out at a local watering hole when he says he has someone he thinks would be a great match for me. He pulls up her facebook page and shows me her pictures. She is my age which is early 40's, attractive, single (he thought anyway). Well three months go by and he doesn't set us up, so I told him I was just going to contact her on facebook and introduce myself. Well, I did and she wrote back saying that she was actually seeing someone. I didn't ask much more than that but she kept up the conversation for a couple of weeks actually. So a couple Sunday's ago, she texts me and tells me to come out to a bar and grill that she is going to with her cousin. It was close to my house so I put on a nice shirt and headed out. Well, it was a great time. She was awesome, we had drinks we talked. She didn't mention the guy at all and her cousin was a lot of fun too. Well, the cousin hooks up with a guy and says I'm to take the girl home when we leave. She doesn't live far from me so I agreed. I took her home and when we parted she gave me a very, very nice kiss. And even texted me before I got out of her neighborhood. So, a week goes by and we chat periodically via text and I asked her to an event and she actually then called me. We chatted for a bit and she then told me more specifically about the guy she was seeing. Apparently, they've been together almost a year but he is much younger and doesn't get along with her friends and doesn't like to go out with her and her friends, yada yada yada. Basically she walks on egg shells when he is around and she is not happy in the relationship. So, I told her I was going to let her work out her situation. So she continues to text me and chat with me daily. I'm not sure what to do. Just play it out as a new friend or what?
evanescentworld Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 No. You tell her she has to make a choice, because currently, you're second option. The soft place to fall. The bruise healer. You're nobody but someone she can sound off with. If you're happy with that, then by all means, go on as you are. If not, you need to tell her you're tired of hearing her complain about this guy, letting her off-load onto you, then seeing her go back to him, and leaving you fence-sitting. She needs to make her mind up, (it's either him or you) and until she does, you're going to drop off her radar. Put it to her any way you like. Tactfully, or bluntly, it's what you need to do.
Author cdt76 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Posted October 31, 2014 Well, I thought I did that pretty clearly by saying, "I'll let you work out your situation". But she still texts and starts up conversation. But I agree. Just hard to do since we enjoy a lot of the same things.
evanescentworld Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 No, "I'll let you work out your situation" to me, would mean, "Take your time, I'm here whenever you want me, meanwhile see what you can do. I'll hang around on the sidelines, and be your beating rug." Which is exactly as she's interpreted it, and suits her fine, because whenever anyone says "think about...." they DON'T think about.... it may be hard to do, but it may be just the impetus she needs.
oldshirt Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 She's either actively seeking a FB/FWB on the side or looking for an upgrade to current BF and is ready to monkey-swing to the next one. Take your pick and make an offer.
oldshirt Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 No, "I'll let you work out your situation" to me, would mean, "Take your time, I'm here whenever you want me, meanwhile see what you can do. I'll hang around on the sidelines, and be your beating rug." s. Agreed. That was a passive approach that basically leaves the ball in her court. All that does is puts you on the shelf waiting in reserve while she does.......nothing. You friend zoned yourself and are just sitting in purgatory. You have to man-up and take the bull by the horns and state your case and make your claim. The bull with the biggest....horns, will win. She is waiting for you to state your position and make your offer. That is what chicks do. If you wait for women to make the definitive move, you are going to spend your life waiting. I see two options with her - - one is her side fling where she has the nasty porn sex with you on the side and keeps up her public appearance with her BF, who she is unsatisfied with, until that deteriorates into drama and tears and fireworks some time down the road. - or you offer her to monkey-swing to you and be her next BF and do the drama and fireworks with their break up now.
Author cdt76 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Posted October 31, 2014 See that's what I think too. I think it's a monkey swing. But actually that's the last thing I want. I don't want someone to want me becuase I'm the next best thing to come along. F that. I'm worth way more than that. So, I guess it's see ya and move on.
Assasda Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 Well you can still be friends with her, but you already told her what she should do. I think you should keep her in the mix, let her solve her problem. And see other women
CaliGypsy Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 Personally? I'd tell her I didn't want to text/talk /go out, whatever until she's free to do so. She's not being fair to you. You don't kiss someone like you mean it and then go back to someone else. Just be up front. What do you have to lose, really ?
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