matt55 Posted October 30, 2014 Posted October 30, 2014 (edited) Hello. My ex and I dated for 2 years/4 months, and it was the best time I've ever had, and we were both in love. We argued of course but always sorted it out. We always surprised each other, never took each other for granted etc. We didn't really talk much to the other sex - obviously we did have friends who were boys and girls, but it was mainly just us, which we were both fine with. I'll admit now though that sometimes we were too comfortable with each other, some of the time we didn't really do much together, just sorta chilled. I should point out, we were each others' first everything, except kiss. Anyway, we both went to the same university (college), and during freshers week, she ended up cheating on me with a boy from the flat next to hers. No-one expected this, not her mum or friends either, she had been cheated on before. She told me immediately in tears, saying it made her realize how much she loved me etc, and I forgave her, and I knew I could move on from it as I loved her. Anyway.. Thursday after the incident, she breaks up with me, citing her reasons as she feels guilty, as well as she wants to be able to kiss other people (or even further as she hasn't before), as I was her first. She also hadn't had time to miss me (even though in the time before university, it was mainly always her wanting to see me, even when I had just left her house to go home). I fought for her, yeah I cried(only the second time she had seen that - first was at a family funeral) but accepted it. I still love her dearly and miss her every day. In the weeks since, she has posted photos of her and this boy, which she knows I'll see, as well as sending me snapchats of them specifically. I have also just found out that she is now dating this boy, even though she said she didn't want that. It hasn't even been a month. I want to classify it in my mind as a rebound, yet as he is in such close proximity, they are with each other pretty much every day and so I am not sure. I refuse to believe that she could have moved on so quickly after such a long time and going through so many experiences and having such good memories together, yet it feels like she doesn't miss me at all. We have texted briefly in these weeks, she sometimes asks me if I am going out with my flatmates in the evening, if i'm going to the same place as her, etc. I have improved myself a little, I started jogging and going to the gym, as well as building my social skills. My question is: What should I do? I desperately want her back, and I want to talk to her, yet I am unsure how to approach it, especially with this other boy around. I want to fight for her as she is my dream girl and I'll do everything I can to make it work, I just don't know how to approach it as I said. I understand her wanting to maybe experience others, but surely she isn't if she is with him? He is also not her type at all, and he has cheated on his previous girlfriends, and I don't want her being hurt by him because of that. Don't get me wrong, if she did want me back I wouldn't take her back instantly, I would make her show it and work for it, but yeah. Any help would be very much appreciated, and sorry it wasn't as brief as I intended! thank you. PS) Is it possible this is 'GIGS'? Is it because of all the new people around? Edited October 31, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
iPhone Posted October 30, 2014 Posted October 30, 2014 GIGS, yes. My best advice is go on as many dates as you can and take pics and post them all so she can see it. She sounds like a buffoon. Idiocy.
d0nnivain Posted October 30, 2014 Posted October 30, 2014 It might be GIGs but it's more probable that your high school romance isn't surviving the transition to college. There are too many new things to explore, people to meet, adventures to have. You have to let her go. She has chosen a different path. It was wonderful. It was your first love. In time it will be a fond memory but it's over
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2014 Posted October 30, 2014 You can't. It's up for her to come back and there's nothing you can do to make it happen. All you can do is not make it happen. Stay away from her, live your life, move forward, and life will take its course one way or the other. And you "fighting for her" when she cheated on you won't make her think you're strong and romantic. It will make her think you're pathetic, because fighting for someone who did that to you is. It's up to her to fight for you.
Author matt55 Posted October 30, 2014 Author Posted October 30, 2014 iphone: okay, thank you. I will try to, it's just hard at the minute as it is still raw and I keep comparing girls to her. D0nnivan: thank you for your input too. It definitely is a fond memory! I'm happy for her that she is (appears to be) happy, and I respect her for having the strength to leave someone she knew loved her to explore, if that makes sense. I have let her go, it's just extremely hard, as I'm sure you'll have experienced. Especially because we're at the same university, and when we go home I'm about a 20 minute drive from her. But yeah, I'll let her do her thing I guess no matter how much it's currently hurting me. If she comes back then she does, and we'll go from there :-) 1
Author matt55 Posted October 30, 2014 Author Posted October 30, 2014 You can't. It's up for her to come back and there's nothing you can do to make it happen. All you can do is not make it happen. Stay away from her, live your life, move forward, and life will take its course one way or the other. And you "fighting for her" when she cheated on you won't make her think you're strong and romantic. It will make her think you're pathetic, because fighting for someone who did that to you is. It's up to her to fight for you. Okay, I understand. I am doing my best to stay away from her at the minute mate. I know, I've since realised that. I've let her initiate contact (apart from one instance which I shan't delve into) and I've kept my replies short. Thank you
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2014 Posted October 30, 2014 Okay, I understand. I am doing my best to stay away from her at the minute mate. I know, I've since realised that. I've let her initiate contact (apart from one instance which I shan't delve into) and I've kept my replies short. Thank you You responding is a bad idea. You need to go No Contact. Everytime you respond, you give her an ego boost because she knows that you are on the hook. Staying away from her "For a minute" isn't good enough. You need to stay away from her for a long time, until a) you couldn't care less about her either way or b) until she tells you explicitly that she made a huge mistake and that she wants to try again. I'd tell her no on option b because cheating is awful, but you seem content on being her doormat right now, so you aren't ready to stand up for yourself in that way. But yeah, NO Contact. That means not answering her texts, that means not calling her, that means not talking to her, that means not snooping on her via social media.
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