At a loss - letter

[sw25]

Please bare with me,

 

I've recently gone through a pretty tough break up. I won't lie, we were together for just over 7 months and things were quite intense at times - but as cliché as it sounds on posts like these, there was definitely something real between us, things that can't be faked. The relationship was at times volatile, both from my side and hers, I have trust issues going back a long way but I dealt with these and was feeling settled and happy - unfortunately she has her own issues where she was in a really abusive relationship when she was younger. Consequently, any argument that we had where emotion was shown or things got heated would be magnified ten fold. I tried to keep the peace but sometimes like in all relationships there would be disagreements. She always said that the relationship had too much drama, but I think a lot of this was caused on her part - I'm not shirking responsibility because I had my moments. I don't wish to paint this as something horrible, because we spent some really amazing times together - both agreed, some of the happiest of our lives and we were in love. I'm 27 and she is slightly older at 28 by the way.

 

To cut a long story short, she formally invited me to Christmas a few weeks ago when her parents were there - whom I got on really well with and she told me she was the happiest she'd been for a long time, despite some of the ups and downs we had had. That same weekend she noticed some texts on my phone that were from someone I used to see casually before I met her - they were full on from her, but my part was innocent and I had simply said I had a girlfriend that I loved and wasn't interested but my ex gf was not happy. She wanted to message her, which I told her not to do because I had dealt with it, and earlier in our relationship the same thing happened the other way around, but as upset as I was I respected her wishes and trusted her that it was dealt with.

 

I'm a doting person, not to the point of smothering someone, but I'm affectionate and I liked to make her feel special, so I would always clean around the house if she was in work, buy her gifts every now and then and make her candle lit dinners etc. To cut a very long story shorter, she went and messaged the other girl who proceeded to tell her that I had been pursuing her, which was complete lies - I had never been unfaithful to my ex or even been tempted, but she took it badly and went mad. I spent too long trying to convince her that I was innocent and it hurt that she had me down as that kind of person - even though she messaged ex's as friends and expected me to just accept it.

 

She asked for space so I gave it to her, I didn't pester her and nor did I pour my heart out. When I did speak to her I told her I missed her but I respected her wishes. I missed her moving in party because she said she didn't want bad feeling there and If we had another row that would be it - I asked her outright at this point if she still wanted to be with me and she said yes. So I went and seen friends and we agreed I would go and see her on the Sunday instead which she was genuinely happy about. All was well, we were talking again as normal, she said she was thinking of me, missed me, loved me and all the things she would usually say.

 

Then on the Sunday, the day after her moving in party when I was meant to go and see her, she sent me a curt message saying she just needed her girlfriends around her at the moment, was grumpy and wasn't in the right frame of mind to see me. As disappointed as I was with this, I didn't argue and went about my day - she said she hoped I got home safely but I had decided to stay out. Later in the evening, as pathetic as it sounds she posted an old picture up of an ex boyfriend with a joke on facebook - and this obviously wound me up, I can only assume it was to get a rise she knew she would get.

 

When she messaged me later I told her I didn't understand the way she was acting and she said there was nothing in it and it was a joke. She continued texting me before she said she wasn't happy and needed to speak to me, and I then had literally a 4 minute phone call of her crying and telling me it was over. I kept my composure and told her fine if that's what she wanted. I was obviously really upset inside and a bit bewildered.

 

I tried to contact her the next day and she sent me a string of messages painting me as some horrible bully who tried to control her saying I was insecure about her past and she didn't need it anymore. As you can imagine I was pretty distraught. She then proceeded to block all means of contact so I couldn't get in touch with her.

 

That quickly, in the space of 24 hours I was gone. This was last Monday and I haven't heard anything from her aside from through a mutual friend who sent me a screen shot of a message she sent saying she would 'Definitely miss me, and I miss him now tonight, but this was for the best - made the right choice'. However, she hasn't sent my stuff back.

 

I'm at a loss as to how someone can change so quickly from being happy and loving to stone cold and pretty nasty with it. I'm no fool and I've been through break ups before, but I don't think I warranted this and I'm still in shock. It's not nice being called something you're not, but it's even harder when a few weeks ago she was telling me how happy she was and we were making plans.

 

I've written a letter that I'm in two minds to send, I've leaned from experience that begging gets you nowhere, so I've tried to make it as to the point as possible. Should I deliver it to her with her keys?

 

Any true advice appreciated, thanks for reading.

[preraph]

I think what you need to send her is a copy of the text where you tell the girl who's after you to stop contacting you because it's upsetting your girlfriend. Seriously. You minimize it because you didn't text her back encouraging her in the same way, but you are encouraging her by letting this continue and keeping her on the back burner. You need to show your girlfriend, physically show her, that you have notified this other woman in no uncertain terms, and then you need to block that woman from everything or she will just keep it up causing trouble.