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What does it mean when someone says I dont understand (Updated)

walkingonair

By walkingonair
in General Relationship Discussion

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walkingonair Established Member

walkingonair

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Does it mean they can't love? this person also went through a very very bad breakup in the past.

mammasita Established Member

mammasita

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What?

 

What don't they understand? There isn't enough context for me to understand what you're even asking.....

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walkingonair Established Member

walkingonair

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What?

 

What don't they understand? There isn't enough context for me to understand what you're even asking.....

 

He just said he doesn't understand love.....idk what he ment by that.

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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He just said he doesn't understand love.....idk what he ment by that.

 

He doesn't understand love because he is emotionally unavailable/stunted and immature.

 

Don't waste your time trying to analyze the words of a "commitment phobe" -- guessing this thread is about him.

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walkingonair Established Member

walkingonair

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He doesn't understand love because he is emotionally unavailable/stunted and immature.

 

Don't waste your time trying to analyze the words of a "commitment phobe" -- guessing this thread is about him.

 

You're right:( It's weird you'd think he's emotionally available because he came on so strong and so emotional so it doesn't make sense.I guess the overly emotionalness was due to the fact that he is emotionally unavailable and it was an act.

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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You're right:( It's weird you'd think he's emotionally available because he came on so strong and so emotional so it doesn't make sense.

 

It's not weird at all. It's textbook. Men that are emotionally unavailable and immature come on strong. They're charming, promising, loving, etc. They function on surface level emotions -- the honeymoon period when it's all butterflies and sunshine. It makes them feel good and they may even believe they want a relationship. When the feel good emotions end, and it dawns on them that it's time to put in the effort and commitment into a real relationship, they run. And that is because there is no emotional depth to sustain the needs and wants of a long term relationship.

Edited by Zahara
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sagamore Established Member

sagamore

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It means, "I want to know what love is....I want you to show me"

 

Oh wait, that's a Foreigner song. Either way, not a good sign...

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walkingonair Established Member

walkingonair

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It's not weird at all. It's textbook. Men that are emotionally unavailable and immature come on strong. They're charming, promising, loving, etc. They function on surface level emotions -- the honeymoon period when it's all butterflies and sunshine. It makes them feel good and they may even believe they want a relationship. When the feel good emotions end, and it dawns on them that it's time to put in the effort and commitment into a real relationship, they run. And that is because there is no emotional depth to sustain the needs and wants of a long term relationship.

 

 

 

Thanks so much for your explanation!!So they run when they realize the person they are dating wants something serious?and could they run even though they might have some emotions and feelings towards their partner?

losangelena Established Member

losangelena

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It's not weird at all. It's textbook. Men that are emotionally unavailable and immature come on strong. They're charming, promising, loving, etc. They function on surface level emotions -- the honeymoon period when it's all butterflies and sunshine. It makes them feel good and they may even believe they want a relationship. When the feel good emotions end, and it dawns on them that it's time to put in the effort and commitment into a real relationship, they run. And that is because there is no emotional depth to sustain the needs and wants of a long term relationship.

 

I've been lurking on here for a bit, but logged on to reply in agreement to this statement. I dated a guy earlier this year who was SO INTO IT right away. Told me he wanted to take care of me; planned a weekend trip up the coast (that we never went on); asked me to be exclusive after just six weeks, and two days after called to say he "never saw any longterm potential." RIGHT.

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Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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Thanks so much for your explanation!!So they run when they realize the person they are dating wants something serious?and could they run even though they might have some emotions and feelings towards their partner?

 

Yes, even if they have emotions, it's most likely not deep and strong enough to be in a committed and healthy relationship.

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walkingonair Established Member

walkingonair

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Yes, even if they have emotions, it's most likely not deep and strong enough to be in a committed and healthy relationship.

 

 

 

ohhh that's very interesting!But why do they usually come back?

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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ohhh that's very interesting!But why do they usually come back?

 

That's the pattern of emotionally unavailable men. The usually come back because it's like hitting the reset button. Time has passed. Emotions have subsided, at least on your part. Maybe they believe that this time they can go the distance. So they come back. Then reality sets in again.

 

Natalie Lue has a lot of helpful articles. Take a read on her blog. Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue.

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walkingonair Established Member

walkingonair

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That's the pattern of emotionally unavailable men. The usually come back because it's like hitting the reset button. Time has passed. Emotions have subsided, at least on your part. Maybe they believe that this time they can go the distance. So they come back. Then reality sets in again.

 

Natalie Lue has a lot of helpful articles. Take a read on her blog. Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue.

 

 

 

Thank you so so much for your feedback Zahara!!I dated a guy like this last year and dated another one like this this year :(he broke up with me two weeks ago.The one I dated last year broke up with me about 5 times,once was when I told him I was in love with him and he broke it off right away and told me he loves but hes not in love with me and that we will never be together ever and in theb eginning he said he does have feelings for me but hes in denial because he was hurt in the past and he has commitment issues and he is unable to love. I went NC right away,then a month later he contacts and says hes sorry he cant not miss me,it was hard for him to not talk to me and then he reeled me back in again and then broke up with me a month later again.Now the new guy I dated was chasing me and contacting me non stop and I finally thought I found a guy that actually really likes me but after a few months when its time to meet my parents he says he doesn't feel the spark he thought he did and that just really broke my heart cause everything was so good and he was so loving towards me so it was like a shock.Made me feel unworthy because if I was good enough there would be a spark :(

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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There's one thing you need to believe and it's that it isn't your fault. Don't devalue yourself or question your worth because of how they behave. If anything, it's their shortcoming, not yours.

 

Read those articles. They helped me a lot when I was in a similar situation.

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