do I neneed therapy?

[polaske93]

Last month I found out that my ex girlfriend was left me for my friend I introduced her too, 3 weeks prior. I have been depressed, and developed anxiety from everything. I quite my job, and have started drinking and smoking. I took this very hard, because a month before she left I moved back to my hometown to be with her. We were together for a year, and half of which I was out of state. Since the breakup, I also get sick at the thought of sex, and start crying. I was out on a walk to clear my mind and just saw the "friend" she is now dating drive by. I got so emotional I started crying and punching buildings.. I'm an emotional wreck 24/7 I'm sick of all of this pain. Will therapy help me? I'm really worried about future relationships as I said the thought of sex makes me cry, because I immediately think of her.. I tried keeping myself busy, I paint, excercise, I'm learning guitar, and I try and occupy myself with the few people I have around me. However I'm moving this weekend to get away from this town and her. And in the new city I'm scared to be alone.. the only thing that helps is smoking and drinking, and I hate that those are becoming my only escape

[dragonfire13]

Hey, sorry to hear that you're going through such a crappy time. Therapy can definitely help, as having someone sympathetic who's lending an ear it can feel like a big weight off your chest has been lifted. I think in some regards, women are a lot more fortunate than men because they have a support network for this type of thing, whereas men have to bottle it up a lot of the time.

 

I know it doesn't feel like it now, but trust me, things will get better in time. I was an absolute wreck a few months ago, but I'm so much better now. I too came out of a relationship, took it hard and thought I would never find someone who I had that connection with again... it's always hard to see them with someone else too, it like magnifies the pain.

 

However, imagine my surprise when I randomly met this great guy that I sparked with. I wasn't ready to be involved with him, but it reassured me that I will find someone I'm interested in again. Also, he was such a breath of fresh air that suddenly, my ex didn't seem so great in comparison.

 

I point this out because when you start to move on and meet new people, you stop idealising the person you were with.

 

It will take time, but take it one day at a time and eventually, you'll start to feel ok again. I try to watch funny comedies, YouTube videos or listen to upbeat music to take my mind off stuff now, but when I was at my worst the only thing that helped was keeping busy, talking to people and just riding it out I guess. You could also try writing how you feel, which has proven to be cathartic.

 

Moving away I think will help, as it will feel like a clean slate. There are these Meetup groups you can join if you find yourself lonely and looking for friends...I had zero social life when I moved back to my hometown...you'd be surprised how many people are in a similar position so don't feel embarrassed. The extra hobbies youre undertaking seem like positive steps to self-improvement as well.

 

Take this time to reflect, to deal with your grief and to focus on yourself. Now is the time enjoy all the good things about being single such as the freedom, not having to compromise etc. Don't let this experience make you lose faith in people... there are decent people in the world and by being a decent person yourself, you will attract them too.

 

Try to stay away from excessive alcohol consumption if you can...alcohol is a known depressant and the last thing you need is something else affecting your moods.

 

Unfortunately, it's just one of those things you have to ride out but it will pass. I lost a relationship, my friends, quit my job, moved, had to deal with family tension as well as an inquest to the death of my brother in the same time period... it was truly horrendous, I was a wreck but a few months on and I feel like myself again, at peace and content. So it can be done.

 

Sending warm wishes your way xx

Edited October 29, 2014 by dragonfire13