soph-walker Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Greetings everyone, hope you are all well! I think I'm in need of a reality check. Had a date at the weekend that I thought went very well; he couldn't take his eyes off me, we laughed and talked at ease, he asked twice to extend the date, he picked up the bill (by no means a deal breaker), kissed me passionately.. ..however, after the kiss, we ended up saying goodbye in the street and no second date was established or hinted at (I normally would have suggested a second date but was unsure as to how he felt about me), he said he'd had a great day and said 'give me a text' and I said 'yes I'd be in touch'. 30 minutes after we'd parted, he texted and thanked me again for a great day and hoped I had a good evening and told me what he planned to do with his evening (nothing in too much detail-having a drink). I texted back shortly after (2 hours) saying 'I had a great day too, would be good to do something again?' and wished him a pleasant evening. This was 3 days ago, I've not heard from him since, and I haven't been in contact with him since my last text. Normally, I'd give my head a shake and take it for what it is, but I felt we had genuine chemistry, we couldn't take our eyes of each other, he found an excuse to grab my arm/hand as he was describing something to me, he seemed to be genuinely listening to what I was saying, and not just wondering what I looked like naked (haha) as he was asking further questions in regard to what I was talking about. I would very much like to see him again as I feel this could be something with potential. Do I put myself out there and text him later in the week and ask to see him again or let him do the chasing? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated, thankyou in anticipation ladies (and gents?)
Jules Dash Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 You did enough already. It's his turn. Date other guys in the meantime. 2
ja123 Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 I agree with J. Dash. Don't contact him again. Wait until you hear from him. How did you meet, btw? If it's from online dating, then he's probably dating other people. 2
Author soph-walker Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 Hi - thanks for your reply. Do people just shy of 30 actually take 'turns' at getting in touch? I used to play the dating 'game' when I was 17yo up until my mid twenties but I find it bothersome to think that it's about turn-taking. After breaking up with my longterm ex a year ago, the world of dating is an intimidating place 1
heartshaped Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 So he never responded to your last text? I'd just give him a call, but I'm a very direct person and don't have time for all the game playing. 1
Author soph-walker Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 So he never responded to your last text? I'd just give him a call, but I'm a very direct person and don't have time for all the game playing. No, he didn't send any form of reply. I'm normally quite direct but it's been a funny old year getting over my ex and I've dated a couple of guys since splitting but this is the first guy I've thought has 'potential' - I'm keen to get to know him.
mammasita Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 You gave this guy every sign possible that you were interested.....even the open ended "would be great to do something again?" It's in his hands now. It's quite possible he is married, has a girlfriend, dating others....etc. 3
Author soph-walker Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 You gave this guy every sign possible that you were interested.....even the open ended "would be great to do something again?" It's in his hands now. It's quite possible he is married, has a girlfriend, dating others....etc. He asked me to add him on facebook (before our date) and from what I can see, there's no SO just photos with his friends and his friends posting on his wall or whatever. I normally can smell a rat, but no BS here I think.
Underthebodhitree Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 I'm over 30. I don't always follow the "HE SHALL CONTACT FIRST" rule. I don't like the bs. If I want to meet again, I ask. So if it were me, I'd probably give it one more try and see what happens.
Author soph-walker Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 I'm 50/50 at the moment, part of me thinks if he really wanted to see me again, he would have asked on the actual date, or shortly thereafter- which makes me feel like I want to text to see if he responds. If he doesn't respond then I can chill and know it was a non-starter. I got the feeling he was into me, both physically and mentally (haha) as after our kissing, he then kissed me so tenderly on the forehead. I think I'll wait a day longer and then allow myself to text him and so be it. 1
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 When people suddenly disappear like this, it means someone else came along. You only had one date; he is probably seeing other women as well, or maybe the love of his life suddenly added him on Facebook again, or something. It was one date. As I'm sure you know this happens a lot. Don't worry too much about it. Definitely don't text him again because you won't like his reply (if there is one). A man who was genuinely interested would have responded "Yes! How about tomorrow?" 1
Author soph-walker Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 When people suddenly disappear like this, it means someone else came along. You only had one date; he is probably seeing other women as well, or maybe the love of his life suddenly added him on Facebook again, or something. Either that or he really isn't interested gosh I really dislike dating, it's such a minefield.
Jules Dash Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Hi - thanks for your reply. Do people just shy of 30 actually take 'turns' at getting in touch? I used to play the dating 'game' when I was 17yo up until my mid twenties but I find it bothersome to think that it's about turn-taking. After breaking up with my longterm ex a year ago, the world of dating is an intimidating place Lets not debate over semantics. You asked about doing it again and he should have responded. Let him contact you now. In an ideal world, people's feeling would probably be flashing on their forehead. He didn't ask you for another date at the end the first one, he hasn't contacted you on his own and he didn't respond to your suggestion of another date. How much more do you need here? I can tell you as a 40 something, no one cares about your age when it comes to replying to you.
Author soph-walker Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 I can tell you as a 40 something, no one cares about your age when it comes to replying to you. Don't remember implying age was something to do with it? Anywho, I guess what I'm trying to work out is if this guy is the type to play games and leave me hanging or if he's not that into me which is why I wasn't sure if I should put myself out there and fire off a quick hello text.
Jules Dash Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Don't remember implying age was something to do with it? Anywho, I guess what I'm trying to work out is if this guy is the type to play games and leave me hanging or if he's not that into me which is why I wasn't sure if I should put myself out there and fire off a quick hello text. I was referring to you implying that being 30 had something to do with how you should respond to someone not getting back with you or replying to you. Saying it's "his turn" does not literally mean you two have to go back and forth when it comes to contacting each other. What I am saying is that he should contact you now. He got your text. If you really want to do it then don't hold back. If you get no response, I think that she really be enough from you. Keep perspective that it was one date. Those who date a lot are often awesome at making first dates awesome. You simply cannot know what is on his mind. I wouldn't waste time trying to figure it out. 1
Keenly Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 It couldn't hurt to try to get him out again ONE more time. Then you would for sure have your answer.
Author soph-walker Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 I was referring to you implying that being 30 had something to do with how you should respond to someone not getting back with you or replying to you. Saying it's "his turn" does not literally mean you two have to go back and forth when it comes to contacting each other. What I am saying is that he should contact you now. He got your text. If you really want to do it then don't hold back. If you get no response, I think that she really be enough from you. Keep perspective that it was one date. Those who date a lot are often awesome at making first dates awesome. You simply cannot know what is on his mind. I wouldn't waste time trying to figure it out. You're right, I really agree with this, luckily it has only been one date and I'm not emotionally involved at present.
Rachelmcandrew Posted October 29, 2014 Posted October 29, 2014 Sorry this has happened to you. I know exactly how you feel. As everyone else has said, you did everything perfectly and sometimes its just not meant to be. Rest assured, there's a guy out there who will make you forget all about this one date wonder! Best of luck finding him :-) 2
Author soph-walker Posted October 29, 2014 Author Posted October 29, 2014 It couldn't hurt to try to get him out again ONE more time. Then you would for sure have your answer. I think this is what's bugging me, I like clarity in my life and unfortunately with dating, clarity isn't always available
Redhead14 Posted October 30, 2014 Posted October 30, 2014 You don't know anything about him yet. He may not be sure if he wants to see you again, he may be playing the three day call game, he may be working night shifts and can't call you and wouldn't call you during the day while you're at work. He may just be someone who just calls once a week in the beginning. Just because he doesn't call when you hope he will, doesn't mean he didn't really like you either. It doesn't matter. If he calls you again, go out with him. You have nothing to lose. He's asking you out. And so what if he's seeing other women in between. He's trying to find his "right" one just like you. You won't learn anything about him until you spend some time with him.
Author soph-walker Posted October 31, 2014 Author Posted October 31, 2014 So against my rational judgement, I texted him and he replied, quite a long message and asked what if been up to. I replied to this and mentioned that it would be good to hang out again. No reply. I can now say that if a guy likes you, he will make it known and ask to see you again, pointless chasing them unless you want the bruised ego that I currently sport
Recommended Posts