Marriage/Family or Sex with Young Girls

[Lurkeraspect]

I got news for you - and you are not going to like it...

 

You are mentally and emotionally ending your marriage right now. I can read it all over your last post and if your wife was with you during your education and helped put you in this place you are now, she can claim 50% of your earnings for the rest of your life (if she gets the right attorney), regardless if you divorce now or 20 years from now.

 

Most people in healthy relationships don't think about the "what I earn" and "what they earn" and "what is MINE" scenario. In most healthy marriages, what is earned is shared 100% by both parties.

 

OP, I am a 50 year old woman who just got married last year. For the past 30 years, I have been my own breadwinner and for an 11-year relationship, *I* supported my then-BF. And I made decent-enough money to have a posh apartment in San Francisco and a home in Napa. But my new husband didn't care about my income-potential and prefers having a wife who will make his home happy for his step kids, who we see every other week. Now, like you, he is a professional that makes in the $500k range a year but even only being married a year, there is no "HIS EARNINGS."

 

You are getting yourself royally screwed in the head and should start separation proceedings immediately. Your wife deserves better than this.

 

Amen to this! All of it. And please, OP, the last thing the world needs are more screwed up children from a narcissist father. Just skip the procreation. Really, just end the marriage, take your lumps and be free to have all the young girls your ego so desperately desires.

[NJ123]

Here's another problem to deal with: How do people address income discrepancy in a marriage? The different between our incomes ($400k vs $80K) creates certain challenges that I had anticipated but had not created any solutions to. Right now, I am contributing ~120K/year to a common spending pot while she contributes her entire 80K. That allows us to have $200K to spend on life, common savings, etc (less of course, after tax). That leaves the rest of my earnings in the bank. But whose $$ is that? Hypothetically speaking, what happens if I want to blow my residual income on whatever (car, toys, family, etc). Does she have any right to claim any of that $$? Does she have a right to dictate what I do with it esp. given that we are still without kids? Finances get really complicated. The other thing that bothers me is the power she will eventually have over me. Once we've been married long enough and esp. if we have kids, she will have asset splitting/alimony rights. This is really unfair because divorce works entirely in her benefit. If we divorce for any reason, the government will severely punish me while she gets to enjoy free $$ flow in for years to come. It's sad, disgusting, and very unjust. She can hold the divorce card against me but I wouldn't be able to do the same. She wins, I lose.

 

Okay, so why did you even get married in the first place........

[Gloria25]

Here's another problem to deal with: How do people address income discrepancy in a marriage? The different between our incomes ($400k vs $80K) creates certain challenges that I had anticipated but had not created any solutions to. Right now, I am contributing ~120K/year to a common spending pot while she contributes her entire 80K. That allows us to have $200K to spend on life, common savings, etc (less of course, after tax). That leaves the rest of my earnings in the bank. But whose $$ is that? Hypothetically speaking, what happens if I want to blow my residual income on whatever (car, toys, family, etc). Does she have any right to claim any of that $$? Does she have a right to dictate what I do with it esp. given that we are still without kids? Finances get really complicated. The other thing that bothers me is the power she will eventually have over me. Once we've been married long enough and esp. if we have kids, she will have asset splitting/alimony rights. This is really unfair because divorce works entirely in her benefit. If we divorce for any reason, the government will severely punish me while she gets to enjoy free $$ flow in for years to come. It's sad, disgusting, and very unjust. She can hold the divorce card against me but I wouldn't be able to do the same. She wins, I lose.

 

Why did you marry this woman? I mean, you say you are happy with her and she fulfill your needs, yet you have issues with sex, her aging, her infertility, and now her income.

 

Dr. Laura says "choose wisely, treat kindly". Not every person you marry turns into a pumpkin after you marry them. Usually, if you took the time to date them and do some pre-marital counseling - hopefully you would have made an informed decision on your spouse.

 

Why is her income an issue? I mean, I guess I'm old fashioned, but I believe the guy should earn more. It goes back to the whole psycho/biological thing. We women expect men to have their stuff together.

 

Now, what? Do you think she's a nursing student just working until she meets a dream doctor and then will quit studying/working? Again, that goes back to you choosing wisely. But really, if you two plan to have a family, I gather at some point she'd have to put career/studies on the back burner to tend to the home. Unless you're gonna have the schools, daycare, nannies, and other "hired help" do the things she would. Either way, you would need enough income to handle the expenses when kids come along - regardless if she becomes a SAHM. Also, what if she has a difficult pregnancy and is ordered to bed rest? You did mention she was having fertility issues.

 

Did you get a pre-nup? Well, even those can get contested.

 

Look, if you make even $100K, I think you can afford an accountant who will come up with creative ways to hide your assets in the Cayman Islands or in some Swiss bank account. So, if one day she starts turning into a pumpkin - you'll be protected. I mean, if you indeed make $400, I gather you would already have consulted with attys/accts on protecting your assets.

 

Look, if you have that much fear, then why did you marry? I have never married and that's one reason why. I grew up watching my dad take money from everyone, waste it, and not work a decent 9 to 5 in his life. I've also seen one of my siblings lose everything. He's shacking up with his current gf and while I'm not a fan of it, I'm not gonna object to it.

 

Also, one of my gfs (and her friend) is going through this. They're not "rich" but make good money - more than their husbands. Even when they made less, they bent over backwards to pay for their husbands whims and illegit kids. Well, now she says she wants out, but now that they have kids she doesn't wanna disrupt the household. And yea, he wants her to put more money towards the bills - yet he won't stop buying "toys", fancy clothes, big house, etc.

 

So, with women now being in a position to pay alimony and child support, that's another reason my fear to marry has increased. I'm not rich, but not paying some guy.

 

So, I get where you're coming from...but if indeed you have all these doubts about being cleaned out by your wife, then either divorce her before you have that kid you are trying so hard to have or speak to attys/accts and protect your assets.

Edited November 2, 2014 by Gloria25

[OwMyEyeball]

Here's another problem to deal with: How do people address income discrepancy in a marriage? The different between our incomes ($400k vs $80K) creates certain challenges that I had anticipated but had not created any solutions to. Right now, I am contributing ~120K/year to a common spending pot while she contributes her entire 80K. That allows us to have $200K to spend on life, common savings, etc (less of course, after tax). That leaves the rest of my earnings in the bank. But whose $$ is that? Hypothetically speaking, what happens if I want to blow my residual income on whatever (car, toys, family, etc). Does she have any right to claim any of that $$? Does she have a right to dictate what I do with it esp. given that we are still without kids? Finances get really complicated. The other thing that bothers me is the power she will eventually have over me. Once we've been married long enough and esp. if we have kids, she will have asset splitting/alimony rights. This is really unfair because divorce works entirely in her benefit. If we divorce for any reason, the government will severely punish me while she gets to enjoy free $$ flow in for years to come. It's sad, disgusting, and very unjust. She can hold the divorce card against me but I wouldn't be able to do the same. She wins, I lose.

Hmmm ...

 

Can't be in a legal profession otherwise you'd already know the answer or have access to people who could give a much clearer understanding in a language you know well.

 

Can't be in finance otherwise you'd already know the answer or have access to people who could give clearer understanding of how to shelter your wealth.

 

Can't be in medicine. No way someone your age would be sustainably clearing $400K, even with an advanced sub-specialty. You'd also be working 80+ hr weeks to get there.

 

Can't be in engineering. Jobs that pay in that range are for senior professionals on special contracts. Even then, that's rare unless you're partner in the venture.

 

Definitely not in public service (I hope!)

 

What is it you do again? Drug dealer?

 

Sorry, I just can't get over the discrepancy between your income and your maturity level.

[htmshsj]

Aside from the important issues in this post, why are so many people up in arms about the OP's stated income? What is this so unbelievable? I'm about the finish my residency in one of the higher-paying surgical subspecialties and most guys I know in my field are 31 or 32 and starting at 400 - 600k. It wouldn't surprise me if that's what the OP did. Years and years of studying and working around the clock in residency and then bam, big money. Plus you work with a good number of women in subordinate positions (secretaries, nurses, OR staff, etc), which can be a problem if they're young and cute and you can't keep your pants zipped.

Edited November 3, 2014 by htmshsj
typo

[Got it]

I am in a prestigious and important profession. I love my work and am very professional towards those i serve. I am no rocket scientist, but I've studied many years to get here so I am mature in other ways.

 

I agree what I've mentioned so far reads like soap opera trash. But let me ask you guys a question: If most men weren't obsessed with sex and young looks, why are porn, prostitution, and overseas sex tourism so rampant? I am happy with my sex life now but what happens once my wife hits menopause or even into older age. I classify myself as a worrier. I tend to bee a pessimist. While many people live in the present, I keep focusing on the negatives of a future that hasn't yet come. My wife always tells me to be present, live in the present. I know there are tons of studies showing that focusing on the present brings happiness but I can't stop worrying about the future.

 

I've always told people that my problem is that I overthink life and share too much of my thoughts. Most guys go about their cheating, infidelity, and lies without anyone knowing. I don't cheat but I speak my feelings. That gets me judged.

 

Thanks for all your comments. We'll see where life takes me. Currently my wife and I are trying to conceive but there's been some fertility issues on her side with lack of ovulation. There, another worry, lol.

 

Okay, what happens if you hit low testosterone and/or ED? Does that give your wife a free pass to go after younger men? You seem to only focus on your wife's aging and ignoring your own. Do you want your wife to be there for you, for better or worse?

 

And why should your wife suffer at the hands of the others and their snubbing of you? You recognize that she is going to suffer the most. And I think your hollow revenge will not be a long term pleasant bedfellow.

 

I would recommend, seek IC first to see if these are actually actions you want to take and give your wife the best fight be trying to accept the past for the past and appreciate the gifts of the present.

 

Unfortunately those at this pay bracket do have an entitlement issue, especially men, in this area. I earn close to what you do in a very profitable industry and it is amazing the entitlement and ego that partners with money.

[pteromom]

There are lots of educated women out there trying to find someone at their level. Women may not have trouble finding f*** buddies but I know good bf's and husbands are a rare find.

 

Yeah, but you already have a good wife. Why trade a good wife for a new one that may have a lot of issues?

 

What all of my problems boil down to is a deep insecurity having been a nerd for many years plus a strong sexual desire... In high school, girls didn't really pay any attention to me. Now I would be the one ignoring those girls. This will sound extremely immature, but I feel like it's my turn to get revenge for all the mistreatment I received during my nerdy years. I'd be laughing now: Educated, fit, decent looking & high middle class. But, of course, I am married now to someone who cares about me and loves me for who i am. My ego/testosterone drives me to ruin it all...run from the marriage, score as many women as possible, and get revenge.

 

Haven't you ever heard that saying "Living well is the best revenge"?

 

You make a lot of money, are successful, AND have a beautiful healthy sexual kind loving wife? Dude, you won. You WON.

 

Why go back to try to relive what you wish you had as a geeky teen/young adult? You are a man now and you have it all. You won.

 

And part of being a man is learning to control your ego and testosterone. You are in control if you want to be. You can have a hot woman come up to you and ask you to follow her back to her room, and no matter how strong that desire to do it is, a man is able to check himself and let integrity win out over animal instinct. He is then able to go back home to his wife and let that desire out on her.

 

You said you have slept with a few women... were all of those experiences amazing? Because I have slept with more than a few guys, and most of those experiences WEREN'T amazing. Certainly not worth considering throwing away a good life for.

 

Wouldn't it just be the saddest thing ever if you walked away from your marriage, started "banging chicks", had a bunch of boring experiences and wished you had your wife back, and found she had moved on to a new - VERY lucky - man?

 

Or you find someone who is on "your level" with income and education and end up marrying her only to find the sex dries up completely?

 

You need to start working on shaping and changing your thinking. That is where true power lies. Start practicing gratitude so that you can live in a way where you are celebrating happiness instead of looking for greener grass all the time. When you find yourself thinking about a life where you have sex with a bunch of women, instead, think about a future with your wife, where you laugh and have fun with your family, then retire to your bedroom with your wife. Start working on learning about true intimacy and how to build a deep satisfying sexual relationship with your wife... you like exploring? Trust me, there is plenty of exploration to do in your own bed.

 

And it may be good for you to make friends with some happy married guys. Find someone to talk to this about who will celebrate your marriage and your good fortune with you instead of making you focus on what you don't have.

 

Because every choice in life means NOT choosing other things. And a main definition of happiness is being able to be satisfied with what you chose. You need to learn how to do that, or you are never going to be happy.

[d0nnivain]

Here's another problem to deal with: How do people address income discrepancy in a marriage? The different between our incomes ($400k vs $80K) creates certain challenges that I had anticipated but had not created any solutions to. Right now, I am contributing ~120K/year to a common spending pot while she contributes her entire 80K. That allows us to have $200K to spend on life, common savings, etc (less of course, after tax). That leaves the rest of my earnings in the bank. But whose $$ is that? Hypothetically speaking, what happens if I want to blow my residual income on whatever (car, toys, family, etc). Does she have any right to claim any of that $$? Does she have a right to dictate what I do with it esp. given that we are still without kids? Finances get really complicated. The other thing that bothers me is the power she will eventually have over me. Once we've been married long enough and esp. if we have kids, she will have asset splitting/alimony rights. This is really unfair because divorce works entirely in her benefit. If we divorce for any reason, the government will severely punish me while she gets to enjoy free $$ flow in for years to come. It's sad, disgusting, and very unjust. She can hold the divorce card against me but I wouldn't be able to do the same. She wins, I lose.

 

Of course she has a claim to the money. Money earned during the marriage belongs to both parties to be split according to an equitable distribution.

Remember, if you earn $400 & contribute $120 to the household but she earns $80 and is contributing all of it why do you get to keep 70% of your earnings but she keeps nothing? That's not fair.

 

You earn 84% of the household income. She earns 16%. To be fair You should contribute $184 to the household while she contributes $32 so she has some ability to save money before you unceremoniously dump her for a younger woman.

 

Just try to remember what goes around, comes around & it would serve you right to end up with a pretty young thing with no meaningful life skills who gets knocked up because she lies to you about birth control & then takes you for all you're worth because yours was the lifestyle to which she & your child had become accustomed but she has no ability to provide that for herself.

[d0nnivain]

Aside from the important issues in this post, why are so many people up in arms about the OP's stated income? What is this so unbelievable? I'm about the finish my residency in one of the higher-paying surgical subspecialties and most guys I know in my field are 31 or 32 and starting at 400 - 600k. It wouldn't surprise me if that's what the OP did. Years and years of studying and working around the clock in residency and then bam, big money. Plus you work with a good number of women in subordinate positions (secretaries, nurses, OR staff, etc), which can be a problem if they're young and cute and you can't keep your pants zipped.

 

Good for him that he worked hard & earns lots of money. I don't care what he stated income is. I care & am upset by his idea that his earning potential entitles him to unceremoniously dump his otherwise loving wife simply because he has now realized that some women find him more attractive while he's standing on his wallet & boo hoo poor him who was a nerd in school & didn't get the hot girls back then so he should get to have them now even if it means hurting the woman he promised to love until death them did part.

[viccanadian]

Again, I for some reason keeping fearing the future.

 

I've seen men at work (a few I must say though) who have thrown away their lives, gotten divorced in their 40's-60's and started dating/marrying women 15-20 years younger. We have one guy right now who's 46 and dating a 26 yo reasonably cute girl. How does one prevent this type of mid-life crisis? Are these men happy? Are the women who are dating them happy? I mean come on, 26yo girl with a 46 yo?

[OwMyEyeball]

Again, I for some reason keeping fearing the future.

 

I've seen men at work (a few I must say though) who have thrown away their lives, gotten divorced in their 40's-60's and started dating/marrying women 15-20 years younger. We have one guy right now who's 46 and dating a 26 yo reasonably cute girl.

Tragic

 

How does one prevent this type of mid-life crisis?

By worrying more. Are you worrying enough? If you even hesitate to answer that question it means you're not. You should be worried about that too. Your lack of worry. It indicates poor self-awareness.

 

Are these men happy?

Yes. Immensely.

 

Are the women who are dating them happy?

The emotion they are experiencing is beyond description. It eclipses happiness.

 

I mean come on, 26yo girl with a 46 yo?

This satisfies the Daddy Complex Theory. No, I don't have any definitive proof, a reviewed methodology or any kind of training in any kind of science, but me and a few buddies got together one night and discussed some commonalities we have casually observed in our social circles and came up with this fantastic new explanation for how the young/old dynamic plays out and why.

 

Stop being so beta, bro.

[ComingInHot]

Your saying 400k is nothing crazy? You realize your in the top 1% of earners. Honestly, I don't even know how your wife puts up with you since just by your posts you come across as arrogant & cocky. My guess is that your a lawyer since it seems you could put on a facade easily with your wife. Your wife definitely deserves better.

 

 

Actually, he comes across as extremely insecure and very damaged from his youth. And while he is financially successful and understands the value his wife holds, it is his inability to let go of past defamation and abuse by peers that is overriding cognitive and logical thought leading him to feel the need to prove himself and whomever will 'listen' or 'see' over and over again that he IS 'better' than the taunting voices echoing in his head from so long ago by therfore destroying the very thing that sets him above those loser douche bags from his past.

 

...Or, he wants to do it because everybody else is doing it and he'll 'finally' feel like he fits in... of course then HE will be the loser douche bag.

 

OP, dont be a loser douche bag, okay?

[Gloria25]

Again, I for some reason keeping fearing the future.

 

I've seen men at work (a few I must say though) who have thrown away their lives, gotten divorced in their 40's-60's and started dating/marrying women 15-20 years younger. We have one guy right now who's 46 and dating a 26 yo reasonably cute girl. How does one prevent this type of mid-life crisis? Are these men happy? Are the women who are dating them happy? I mean come on, 26yo girl with a 46 yo?

 

IMO, there's no such thing as a "mid-life crisis"

 

What happens is people don't nurture the marriage. They stop acting like they did when they were dating and trying to win their SO - and, they were carefree w/o kids and responsibilities.

 

So, what happens? The "kids" become the center of the marriage. All time, energy etc. is put there. Also, the women put the kids, home and/or their career over being their husband's "girlfriend".

 

So, the husbands sit in silence, just going with the flow, happy for the crumbs she throws (i.e. sex once a month), and when the kids are 18, up and gone. He throws in the towel, cuz again, instead of the couple taking this empty nester time to rekindle their RL, they "helicopter" their kids who are in college and/or they just are roommates. Especially the women who prefer to put more focus on going back to work.

 

So, the husband w/o having any responsibilities to hold him back, divorces and run gets some young girl. Why? Think about it, women in their 20's are naive, impressionable, and want somewhat of a "father figure" to look up to. Also, they don't have the baggage and/or crassness of women in their 30's or 40's....

 

So, dainty girls in their 20's is just the drink of water these middle-aged guys who have been thirsty for all the years they spent in a marriage that turned into being roommates and "all for the kids".

 

So, unfortunately, these guys are so desperate to quench their thirst, that they'll do whatever that 20 yr old wants so he can keep her around and/or the guy figures "I can afford this" and/or "I just want to enjoy my my life from here on" - so, the spend money/time on these dainty 20 yr olds.

 

Happy? I don't know. I think men are simple creatures. If a woman is making them making them feel validated and is showering them with attention, then he's good. Me? I wouldn't feel validated if I knew deep, down inside that 20 yr old is with me cuz of my money and/or some "daddy" complex. But, then again, men naturally want to protect/provide for women - so maybe they use this unhealthy connection with someone as young to be their daughter to satisfy their natural need to provide and protect.

[Got it]

Hmmm ...

 

Can't be in a legal profession otherwise you'd already know the answer or have access to people who could give a much clearer understanding in a language you know well.

 

Can't be in finance otherwise you'd already know the answer or have access to people who could give clearer understanding of how to shelter your wealth.

 

Can't be in medicine. No way someone your age would be sustainably clearing $400K, even with an advanced sub-specialty. You'd also be working 80+ hr weeks to get there.

 

Can't be in engineering. Jobs that pay in that range are for senior professionals on special contracts. Even then, that's rare unless you're partner in the venture.

 

Definitely not in public service (I hope!)

 

What is it you do again? Drug dealer?

 

Sorry, I just can't get over the discrepancy between your income and your maturity level.

 

Seriously? Why the need to know.

 

Okay, from my experience he could be in the following (but not limited to) fields: Food industry, hospitality industry, Financial (day trading/venture capitalist), entertainment industry, government contracting/defense industry, entrepreneur, sales in multiple industries, commercial real estate, etc.

 

There is a lot of money in the above. I am not even an owner/CEO of a company and I gross close to what he is making. My husband and I, combined, gross more than he does.

[Got it]

Actually, he comes across as extremely insecure and very damaged from his youth. And while he is financially successful and understands the value his wife holds, it is his inability to let go of past defamation and abuse by peers that is overriding cognitive and logical thought leading him to feel the need to prove himself and whomever will 'listen' or 'see' over and over again that he IS 'better' than the taunting voices echoing in his head from so long ago by therfore destroying the very thing that sets him above those loser douche bags from his past.

 

...Or, he wants to do it because everybody else is doing it and he'll 'finally' feel like he fits in... of course then HE will be the loser douche bag.

 

OP, dont be a loser douche bag, okay?

 

I think unfortunately he is likely not to understand how good he had it until he lost it. He seems destined to keep one foot out the door and care more about peer pressure and "what else can I have" then from what he currently has.

[BlueIris]

Here's another problem to deal with: How do people address income discrepancy in a marriage? The different between our incomes ($400k vs $80K) creates certain challenges that I had anticipated but had not created any solutions to. Right now, I am contributing ~120K/year to a common spending pot while she contributes her entire 80K. That allows us to have $200K to spend on life, common savings, etc (less of course, after tax). That leaves the rest of my earnings in the bank. But whose $$ is that? Hypothetically speaking, what happens if I want to blow my residual income on whatever (car, toys, family, etc). Does she have any right to claim any of that $$? Does she have a right to dictate what I do with it esp. given that we are still without kids? Finances get really complicated. The other thing that bothers me is the power she will eventually have over me. Once we've been married long enough and esp. if we have kids, she will have asset splitting/alimony rights. This is really unfair because divorce works entirely in her benefit. If we divorce for any reason, the government will severely punish me while she gets to enjoy free $$ flow in for years to come. It's sad, disgusting, and very unjust. She can hold the divorce card against me but I wouldn't be able to do the same. She wins, I lose.

 

Classic…. You will view yourself as the Loser no matter what.

 

No, you don’t “lose.” You have 5x her earning capacity and likely will for years to come.

 

The sooner you divorce, the less you will have to divide in the property settlement and the lower alimony will be.

 

Get out now! And don’t have kids!

[stillafool]

Again, I for some reason keeping fearing the future.

 

I've seen men at work (a few I must say though) who have thrown away their lives, gotten divorced in their 40's-60's and started dating/marrying women 15-20 years younger. We have one guy right now who's 46 and dating a 26 yo reasonably cute girl. How does one prevent this type of mid-life crisis? Are these men happy? Are the women who are dating them happy? I mean come on, 26yo girl with a 46 yo?

 

Someone like you can not prevent that type of midlife crisis. You aren't even at that stage and you are already having a crisis. Yes some of the men are happy because that's what they wanted. You do too.

 

I agree with Lollipop that you should divorce your wife ASAP and set her free to remarry a man who will love her and give her good sex. You should definitely be free to chase all the young girls you want until you are satisfied. You will never get over the feeling that you are entitled to these women if you stay married. Also you will be able to keep all the money you make for yourself and won't have to share it with anyone. Please, please divorce your wife she deserves so much better.

[tippydog90]

I'll make this short and sweet. Do your wife a favor, divorce her. She deserves much, much better than you. Not the other way around. Man, get over yourself. Given what you have shown us on this thread with your attitude, that will come across real fast when you go out and try to pick up those hot "young" chicks. I wouldn't be surprised if most of them say thanks but no thanks. Wow.

[Tayken]

@OP.....Ewwwww especially to the latter, and no the former (been there done that). Moving forward, I intend to just keep doing the companion/FWB thing with women my age and older.

 

It's absolutely bloody marvelous not having to answer to anyone / run things by someone before you do it. Additionally, there is no emotional blackmail and drama to deal with 24/7.

 

I get to keep my place immaculate with no clutter / dog poop and smell/ cat stink. I also get to watch what I want when I want. I also cook what I want to eat when I want.

[viccanadian]

This article sums up really nicely what's going on in my head:

Can Handsome Men Stay Faithful? -

 

The article seems to suggest that leaving a marriage to go & seek validation may not be so smart. Any thoughts?

[CarrieT]

The article seems to suggest that leaving a marriage to go & seek validation may not be so smart. Any thoughts?

Isn't that what most of the people on this thread have been trying to tell you?

[Gloria25]

This article sums up really nicely what's going on in my head:

Can Handsome Men Stay Faithful? -

 

The article seems to suggest that leaving a marriage to go & seek validation may not be so smart. Any thoughts?

 

Ugly, poor, etc. people cheat too...just so you know.

[Got it]

This article sums up really nicely what's going on in my head:

Can Handsome Men Stay Faithful? -

 

The article seems to suggest that leaving a marriage to go & seek validation may not be so smart. Any thoughts?

 

Was this really up for debate/discussion? I didn't realize anyone had said anything to you that gave you the understanding that you should follow your thinking.

 

Get help. Please.

[RedRobin]

This article sums up really nicely what's going on in my head:

Can Handsome Men Stay Faithful? -

 

The article seems to suggest that leaving a marriage to go & seek validation may not be so smart. Any thoughts?

 

 

yea, that article sums up pretty much what I've been telling lots of men here for awhile...

 

 

My father is a handsome man... and has three sisters. He has an easy way with women and always has. Women have always flocked to him and feel comfortable with him. He could have strayed many times... but he (like my other male relatives) decided when they got married that they wanted to be with one person the rest of their lives... and share with that person the ups and downs, joys and sorrows... and everything that comes with it. My mom is also an attractive woman and has had her share of male attention too.

 

 

He knew from a young age that every woman, and every new relationship... brings about its own set of headaches... and that the single life really is a lot lonelier for most men than they will admit.

 

 

These fears you have... are not going to go away the instant you divorce your wife. They will be replaced with a new set of fears and... likely regret for what you tossed away.

 

 

That said, your wife does deserve better than this. Before you make any major life changing decisions, please get some personal therapy. Get away from those scumbag friends who want to drag you down into their personal abyss.

[Emilia]

Again, I for some reason keeping fearing the future.

 

I've seen men at work (a few I must say though) who have thrown away their lives, gotten divorced in their 40's-60's and started dating/marrying women 15-20 years younger. We have one guy right now who's 46 and dating a 26 yo reasonably cute girl. How does one prevent this type of mid-life crisis? Are these men happy? Are the women who are dating them happy? I mean come on, 26yo girl with a 46 yo?

I think getting older brings out your fears, insecurities and anxities more because you realise that over 40 it's pretty much downhill. yeah yeah lots of people will say that it's still great, 40 is the new 30 or whatever other BS but the fact of the matter is, you start getting older.

 

You start showing your age in your face more, you have to be careful with your tendons, you recover physically slower, etc.

 

Then there are your professional achievements, I think most men peak by their mid-40s.

 

so you are likely to feel it yes, no-one can tell you what will keep you going, you will most definitely go through some dark moments.

 

Would a woman who is 15 years younger make you feel better? Perhaps temporarily. Until you realise she doesn't get it. Then leaves you for someone younger because you bring her down too much.

 

I don't have an answer for you, I try to screen for men that were late starters to dating or feel they missed out a lot in their 20s. It's actually one of my screening questions when I date someone (in a round-about kind of way) because I learned here on loveshack that they can be very insecure.

 

I gather you probably won't appreciate your wife until you loose her. Maybe you will find someone else, who knows.

 

Life is completely unpredictable, no-one has an answer for you. 'Suck it up' certainly isn't one. The truth of the matter is though that no-one can tell you what to do because there is no right or wrong answer.